that the idea was not as hateful to him as it should be. It wasn’t what his grandfather had trained him for all those years, so why did the idea actually even appeal to him? Blaine had never wanted Colby to be alpha, after all. He didn’t trust Colby to make good decisions, so he’d had to hang onto the reins tightly, fighting Colby every step of the way for years. He was so tired of the fight.
Kerrick had dealt with Colby in one afternoon, sending him away from the pack. “He resents you. It’s best that I made him leave here and start his own pack. Your grandfather should have done it years ago, and you should have too. He’d only cause trouble if he stayed around here.”
Could Blaine be a beta for Kerrick? He thought he might actually make a good beta, maybe better than he could ever have been as alpha. He liked to solve problems and work on the books, taking care of his pack financially. Discipline had never been his strong suit, so he’d avoided issues mostly, hoping personal problems would resolve themselves and only stepping in as a last resort. His pack loved him, but the lack of strong discipline in the pack showed when they came under attack by the Dires. They had split into bickering factions and were unable to present a united front.
The probing started again, even more insistent this time, and without making a conscious decision to do it, Blaine let go and allowed it to crowd into his mind. Once his guards were down, his head was filled with frantic images of Kerrick. “Where are you?” The words came as clearly into his brain as if Kerrick were standing beside him. When he hesitated, images of their lovemaking earlier that day flooded his mind. They were all from Kerrick’s point of view, of course, so Blaine saw his own face thrown back in passion, his eyes tightly closed as his head thrashed back and forth on the pillow. He felt his face grow red and pushed the image firmly away. “Where are you?” The question came again, and this time, Blaine allowed the beautiful vista in front of him to fill his mind.
An answering, triumphant howl sounded so clearly in his head that he turned around to look behind him, but the trail was empty for as far as he could see. His neck was back to tingling again, though. He wondered if that meant Kerrick was closing in on him. The damn Dires were so fast, their movements through the forest unlike anything Blaine had ever seen before, but he’d known that all along, hadn’t he?
Had he really hoped that Kerrick would come after him? That he would catch up to him and demand that he come back? Because that would take the guilt off his shoulders, wouldn’t it? He wouldn’t feel shame at letting down his grandfather and his entire pack by giving in meekly and allowing the Dires—allowing Kerrick—to take over. If he was forced to go back, forced to be the beta and Kerrick’s mate, then no one could blame him, right?
He wondered what life would be like for the rest of his old pack if he didn’t go back, and felt a strong sense of shame for leaving them behind. Especially considering what Kerrick had said about them choosing to stay with him out of loyalty. Yet he’d run from them the first chance he got, because of his pride. He buried his face in his hands and took a deep, shuddering breath. What the hell was he doing?
He’d put his own self-regard and anger before the good of his pack. And they were his pack, no matter who the alpha was now and no matter what his role would be in the future. He should have tried to stay to help them through this difficult transition. Maybe he could have found a way to work things out with Kerrick. Maybe he still could.
Dry scrubbing his face, he stood up and looked down at the valley below him. If Kerrick was looking for him, maybe it would be best to put aside his ego and let him find him. If Kerrick stopped pushing the issue of punishment—and was sincere about respecting his feelings more in the future—maybe they
Kerrick had dealt with Colby in one afternoon, sending him away from the pack. “He resents you. It’s best that I made him leave here and start his own pack. Your grandfather should have done it years ago, and you should have too. He’d only cause trouble if he stayed around here.”
Could Blaine be a beta for Kerrick? He thought he might actually make a good beta, maybe better than he could ever have been as alpha. He liked to solve problems and work on the books, taking care of his pack financially. Discipline had never been his strong suit, so he’d avoided issues mostly, hoping personal problems would resolve themselves and only stepping in as a last resort. His pack loved him, but the lack of strong discipline in the pack showed when they came under attack by the Dires. They had split into bickering factions and were unable to present a united front.
The probing started again, even more insistent this time, and without making a conscious decision to do it, Blaine let go and allowed it to crowd into his mind. Once his guards were down, his head was filled with frantic images of Kerrick. “Where are you?” The words came as clearly into his brain as if Kerrick were standing beside him. When he hesitated, images of their lovemaking earlier that day flooded his mind. They were all from Kerrick’s point of view, of course, so Blaine saw his own face thrown back in passion, his eyes tightly closed as his head thrashed back and forth on the pillow. He felt his face grow red and pushed the image firmly away. “Where are you?” The question came again, and this time, Blaine allowed the beautiful vista in front of him to fill his mind.
An answering, triumphant howl sounded so clearly in his head that he turned around to look behind him, but the trail was empty for as far as he could see. His neck was back to tingling again, though. He wondered if that meant Kerrick was closing in on him. The damn Dires were so fast, their movements through the forest unlike anything Blaine had ever seen before, but he’d known that all along, hadn’t he?
Had he really hoped that Kerrick would come after him? That he would catch up to him and demand that he come back? Because that would take the guilt off his shoulders, wouldn’t it? He wouldn’t feel shame at letting down his grandfather and his entire pack by giving in meekly and allowing the Dires—allowing Kerrick—to take over. If he was forced to go back, forced to be the beta and Kerrick’s mate, then no one could blame him, right?
He wondered what life would be like for the rest of his old pack if he didn’t go back, and felt a strong sense of shame for leaving them behind. Especially considering what Kerrick had said about them choosing to stay with him out of loyalty. Yet he’d run from them the first chance he got, because of his pride. He buried his face in his hands and took a deep, shuddering breath. What the hell was he doing?
He’d put his own self-regard and anger before the good of his pack. And they were his pack, no matter who the alpha was now and no matter what his role would be in the future. He should have tried to stay to help them through this difficult transition. Maybe he could have found a way to work things out with Kerrick. Maybe he still could.
Dry scrubbing his face, he stood up and looked down at the valley below him. If Kerrick was looking for him, maybe it would be best to put aside his ego and let him find him. If Kerrick stopped pushing the issue of punishment—and was sincere about respecting his feelings more in the future—maybe they
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