damned confused. If she told him she still loved him, would it change anything? Could he believe her? He had no idea how to get past the fact that she had sex with his best friend. Would he remember what he’d walked in on every time she and Craig were in the same room together? Would he make himself crazy wondering if they were still sneaking around behind his back? Probably. God, this was a no-win situation. He couldn’t trust her, but he still wanted her.
“This is insane,” he said, closing his eyes. His mind was racing, trying to make sense of his jumbled thoughts. Should he stay or should he go? Should he love her or leave her?
As though she sensed his confusion, she said, “It’s okay. I know how hard this is for you, Dave.” She reached up to kiss his cheek. “Whatever you decide, I’ll understand.”
Just like déjà vu, he was transported back in time, and he was with the sweet angel who used to tend to his football injuries, make him chicken soup when he was sick, and help him with his homework when he was struggling. He couldn’t merge the image of that girl with the one who had screwed his best friend. It didn’t make any sense. But he’d seen it with his own eyes; he couldn’t deny it. “How did it happen?” he demanded. He was tired of living in the dark. He wanted to know every dirty detail, no matter how painful.
“What are you talking about?” she asked, trying to take a step back.
Grabbing her around the waist, he pressed her against his chest. He was going to get the answers he needed, even if killed him. “You know what I’m talking about. Tell me exactly what happened with Craig. I want to know everything.”
Frowning, she asked, “You’ve never asked him about it?”
He’d wanted to, at least a hundred times, but he knew the answers would cause irreparable damage to their friendship. He’d already lost Maya; he didn’t want to lose Craig, too. “When he came back from rehab, his recovery was still up for grabs. I was angry; hell, I hated him for a long time, but eventually, I stopped thinking about it every time I saw him, and being around him got a little easier.”
“Craig needs you,” she said quietly. “I don’t know if you realize how much your friendship means to him. He has no one else.”
He knew she was right. Craig had plenty of friends, their fellow firefighters, but he and Craig were as close as blood brothers; at least until he slept with Maya. Their relationship was different ever since, and both of them had come to terms with the fact that it always would be. “I know that. Don’t you get it? That’s why it hurt so damn much when I walked in on you guys. Aside from my family, you two were the only people I counted on. I thought I could trust you, both of you.” He knew this conversation was ten years over-due, but at the time he was too raw, too wrecked, to see or talk to her.
“I know that.” She reached up to touch his face. “If I could go back, I wouldn’t have had a drop to drink that night…”
“Are you saying it wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t drunk?” Grabbing her wrist to draw her hand away from his face, he said, “I find that hard to believe. You didn’t take sex lightly, Maya. Hell, you and I were together almost a year before we slept together.”
“I was a kid then. I was barely sixteen when we started dating. I was afraid of losing my virginity. I thought…”
He tipped her chin. “You thought what?”
“That you would leave me once we had sex. I didn’t want to lose you.”
Closing his eyes against the onslaught of memories, he tried, in vain, to regain his equilibrium. The power of those memories overcame him like a tidal wave, threatening to take him down. “I wanted you so much, it was killing me.”
“I know, I remember,” she whispered, reaching up to kiss his lips. “But you were so patient, so understanding. You said you didn’t mind waiting until I was ready.”
Trying to bring himself
“This is insane,” he said, closing his eyes. His mind was racing, trying to make sense of his jumbled thoughts. Should he stay or should he go? Should he love her or leave her?
As though she sensed his confusion, she said, “It’s okay. I know how hard this is for you, Dave.” She reached up to kiss his cheek. “Whatever you decide, I’ll understand.”
Just like déjà vu, he was transported back in time, and he was with the sweet angel who used to tend to his football injuries, make him chicken soup when he was sick, and help him with his homework when he was struggling. He couldn’t merge the image of that girl with the one who had screwed his best friend. It didn’t make any sense. But he’d seen it with his own eyes; he couldn’t deny it. “How did it happen?” he demanded. He was tired of living in the dark. He wanted to know every dirty detail, no matter how painful.
“What are you talking about?” she asked, trying to take a step back.
Grabbing her around the waist, he pressed her against his chest. He was going to get the answers he needed, even if killed him. “You know what I’m talking about. Tell me exactly what happened with Craig. I want to know everything.”
Frowning, she asked, “You’ve never asked him about it?”
He’d wanted to, at least a hundred times, but he knew the answers would cause irreparable damage to their friendship. He’d already lost Maya; he didn’t want to lose Craig, too. “When he came back from rehab, his recovery was still up for grabs. I was angry; hell, I hated him for a long time, but eventually, I stopped thinking about it every time I saw him, and being around him got a little easier.”
“Craig needs you,” she said quietly. “I don’t know if you realize how much your friendship means to him. He has no one else.”
He knew she was right. Craig had plenty of friends, their fellow firefighters, but he and Craig were as close as blood brothers; at least until he slept with Maya. Their relationship was different ever since, and both of them had come to terms with the fact that it always would be. “I know that. Don’t you get it? That’s why it hurt so damn much when I walked in on you guys. Aside from my family, you two were the only people I counted on. I thought I could trust you, both of you.” He knew this conversation was ten years over-due, but at the time he was too raw, too wrecked, to see or talk to her.
“I know that.” She reached up to touch his face. “If I could go back, I wouldn’t have had a drop to drink that night…”
“Are you saying it wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t drunk?” Grabbing her wrist to draw her hand away from his face, he said, “I find that hard to believe. You didn’t take sex lightly, Maya. Hell, you and I were together almost a year before we slept together.”
“I was a kid then. I was barely sixteen when we started dating. I was afraid of losing my virginity. I thought…”
He tipped her chin. “You thought what?”
“That you would leave me once we had sex. I didn’t want to lose you.”
Closing his eyes against the onslaught of memories, he tried, in vain, to regain his equilibrium. The power of those memories overcame him like a tidal wave, threatening to take him down. “I wanted you so much, it was killing me.”
“I know, I remember,” she whispered, reaching up to kiss his lips. “But you were so patient, so understanding. You said you didn’t mind waiting until I was ready.”
Trying to bring himself
Similar Books
