Read Online Ashes by Haunted Computer Books - Free Book Online

“You know. Normal.”
    “ Say, pardnuh, you wouldn’t
be taking us for a ride, would you?” says the man as big as a
barrel.
    For a moment, I wonder if perhaps some
mistake has been made, that I am in my bed, dreaming beside my
wife. I put my hand to my chest. No heartbeat. I put a finger in my
mouth.
    “ I’m as true as an
encyclopedia,” says my barker.
    “ Look at the bad man,
Mommy,” says a little girl. I smile at her, my mouth wet with
desire. She shrieks and her mother leans forward and picks her up.
I spit my finger out and stare at it, lying there pale against the
straw, slick and shiny beneath the guttering torches.
    Several of the women moan, the men grunt
before they can stop themselves, the children lean closer, jostle
for position. One slips, a yellow-haired boy with tan skin and meat
that smells like soap. For an instant, his hands grip the bars of
the cage. He fights for balance.
    I love him so much, I want to make him happy,
to please him. I crawl forward, his human stink against my tongue
as I try to kiss him. Too quickly, a man has yanked him away. A
woman screams and curses first at him, then at me.
    The barker beats at the bars with his walking
stick. “Get back, freak.”
    I cover my face with my hands, as he has
taught me. The crowd cheers. I hunch my back and shiver, though I
have not been cold since I took my final breath. The barker pokes
me with the stick, taunting me. Our eyes meet and I know what to do
next. I pick my finger off the ground and return it to my mouth.
The crowd sighs in satisfaction.
    The finger has not much flavor. It is like
the old chicken hearts the barker throws to me at night after the
crowd has left. Pieces of flesh that taste of dirt and chemicals.
No matter how much of it I eat, I still hunger.
    The crowd slowly files out of the tent. In
the gap beyond the door, I see the brightly-spinning wheels of
light, hear the bigger laughter, the bells and shouts as someone
wins at a game. With so much amusement, a freak like me cannot hope
to hold their attention for long. And still I love them, even when
they are gone and all that’s left is the stench of their shock and
repulsion.
    The barker counts his money, stuffs it in the
pocket of his striped trousers. “Good trick there, with the finger.
You’re pretty smart for a dead guy.”
    I smile at him. I love him. I wish he would
come closer to the bars, so I could show him how much I want to
please him. I pleased my last barker. He screamed and screamed, but
my love was strong, stronger than those who tried to pull him
away.
    The barker goes outside the tent to try and
find more people with money. His voice rings out, mixes with the
organ waltzes and the hum of the big diesel engines. The tent is
empty and I feel something in my chest. Not the beating, beating,
beating like before I died. This is more like the thing I feel in
my mouth and stomach. I need. I put my finger in my mouth, even
though no one is watching.
    The juggler comes around a partition. The
juggler is called Juggles and he wears make-up and a dark green
body stocking. His painted eyes make his face look small. “Hey,
Murdermouth,” he says.
    I don’t remember the name I had when I was
alive, but Murdermouth has been a favorite lately. I smile at him
and show him my teeth and tongue. Juggles comes by every night when
the crowds thin out.
    “ Eating your own damned
finger,” Juggles says. He takes three cigarettes from a pocket
hidden somewhere in his body stocking. In a moment, the cigarettes
are in the air, twirling, Juggles’ bare toes a blur of motion. Then
one is in his mouth, and he leans forward and lights it from a
torch while continuing to toss the other two cigarettes.
    He blows smoke at me. “What’s it like to be
dead?”
    I wish I could speak. I want to tell him, I
want to tell them all. Being dead has taught me how to love. Being
dead has shown me what is really important on this earth. Being
dead has saved my life.
    “ You poor