Read Online Antsy Does Time by Neal Shusterman - Free Book Online

“Okay. What if I make your contract void if you’re scheduled to croak before next month? That way you won’t owe any days, and you can enter the pearly gates totally free of debt.”
    He thought about that some more, finally agreed, and happily went back to his priest, mission accomplished.
    I, Jasper Horace Januski, being of sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath one month of my natural life to Gunnar Ümlaut, subject to the stuff listed below:
    1. The month shall not be this coming May or June, or the last month of Gunnar Ümlaut’s life, which are all already reserved by others.
    2. The month shall be taken from the end of my natural life and not the middle.
    3. The donated month shall be null and void if my own expiration date is less than 31 days from the date of this contract.
    Â 
 
Jasper Januski
    Signature
    Â 
 
Dewey Lopez
    Signature of Witness
    Â 
 
I have to admit, it felt good to be doing something positive for Gunnar, in spite of the fact that it hadn’t brought forth a second kiss from Kjersten, regardless of how little salami I ate, or how much mouthwash I used. I think maybe her reluctance came from the picture Dewey Lopez published in the school paper of our first kiss. Luckily it wasn’t on the front cover, since he also snapped a picture of Principal Sinclair coming out of the bathroom with his fly open and a piece of shirttail hanging out. Definitely front-page material. Still, the page-four article was seen by the whole school, with the unpleasant headline LOVE SKIPS A GRADE.
    I don’t know how it affected Kjersten’s social standing, but it sure did elevate mine. Everybody wanted to know about it, but I kept quiet, because I figured Kjersten might respect a guy who didn’t kiss and tell—even if that guy was one year and seven months younger than her. (Yes, I snuck into the office and checked her school record to find out exactly how much older than me she was.)
    Kjersten never mentioned the article or the picture or, for that matter, the kiss. But she did continue to tell me what an entirely great guy I was, which meant another piece of Trident might only be a few days away.
    â€œIt’s so, so special that you’re sensitive to Gunnar’s little problem,” Kjersten told me when I handed her the month Howie gave me—which was month number seven and counting.
    At the time I had laughed, and wondered how she could call it “a little problem.” I’m not wondering anymore. And I’m not laughing either.
    Â 
 
I, Howard Bernard Bogerton, being of somewhat sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath one month of my natural life to Gunnar Ümlaut, subject to the stuff listed below:
    1. The month shall not be this coming May or June, or the last month of Gunnar Ümlaut’s life, which are all already reserved by others.
    2. The month shall be taken from the end of my natural life, and not the middle.
    3. The donated month shall be null and void if my own expiration date is less than 31 days from the date of this contract.
    4. Should Gunnar Ümlaut use my month for criminal acts such as shoplifting or serial killing, I shall not be held responsible.
    Â 
HOWIE BOGERTON
    Signature
    Â 
 
Ira Goldfarb
    Signature of Witness
    Â 
 
By Friday, I had gotten Gunnar a full year.

6 A Nasty Herd of Elephants That Are Nowhere Near as Embarrassingly Adorable as Me. Don’t Ask.
    Nobody gets up early on Saturday morning in our house anymore. Friday night’s a late night for the restaurant. Mom and Dad are usually up even later than me—and that’s saying something. I slunk into the kitchen at around eleven that morning to see Mom, clearly still on her first cup of coffee, trying to comfort an inconsolable Christina.
    â€œBut I don’t want to put Ichabod to sleep,” Christina said through her tears. “It’s inhumane.”
    â€œIt’s inhumane to let him suffer.” She