rearview mirror and they were both sound asleep, oblivious to the world around them. Waking up this morning was harder than I thought. The days leading up to today had me on edge and my anxiety was high, but the moment I opened my eyes this morning, the tears were nonstop. It was hard on my heart knowing that I had lived a full year without them in my life. I felt like I was betraying them every day because I was leaving them in the past. A year meant they were gone for good and never coming back. People loved to tell you that the pain gets better as time goes by but at this very moment, the pain seemed worse than when it first happened. I didn’t expect anybody to understand my pain because it was my pain and I allowed others to grieve as they pleased, so I expected the same courtesy.
Our time at the cemetery had gone by quickly and it was nearing 5 p.m. We had started the memorial at one and it lasted four hours with food, drinks, weed and lots of love. It was good seeing everybody come out to celebrate the lives of my family.
I was changing Baby Tone’s diaper while Greg was holding a sleepy Jahlisa when I was approached by an older woman. She was tall and brown skinned with salt and pepper hair that hung over her shoulder in one long French braid. I watched as she walked towards us with a slight smile on her face. I had never met this woman before but she had a familiar presence about her. I finished putting Baby Tone’s clothing back on and laid him across my lap as I wiped around his neck and talked baby talk to him, still watching the woman who was now directly in front of us.
“Hello, Jaeda?” she asked extending her hand.
“Umm, yes, and you are?” I asked, curious about who this woman was and how she knew my name. My first thought was that she was the police and I had a million random thoughts of what this could be concerning.
“I apologize. I’m Tracy. I’m, umm, well, I’m Antonio’s mother,” she said, waiting for me to respond but actually I had none.
Tone had rarely ever talked about her. All I really knew about her was that she was serving a 22 year prison term and Tone hadn’t seen or heard from her since he was about seven years old. His mother and father had gone down in the early 90s for drug trafficking and distribution. They were kind of a big deal on the streets of San Francisco back then but had been caught up in drug deal gone wrong and were convicted and sentenced. At the time, Tone was about two years old and was taken in by his aunt. About 5 years into their sentence, Tone’s father was killed inside and that was the last time he had seen or heard from either of his parents. I think he’d kind of just written his mother off just as he felt she did him because he had never showed any emotion behind her absence.
I looked at Greg and then back at Tracy. I didn’t really know what to say. I wondered when had she gotten out and I really wanted to know why she’d shown up here today of all days. Tone hadn’t heard from her in years and she had never reached out to him so why did she feel the need to reach out to me now that he was dead and gone?
“I’m not sure what Tone had told you about me.”
“Not much,” I stated matter-of-factly.
“I deserve that,” she said, fiddling with her hands as she stared at Baby Tone in my lap. “Look, Jaeda, I know you don’t know me from a hole in the wall but I would like to meet up and talk soon. I missed Antonio’s entire childhood running behind a nigga and landed myself in prison but I don’t want to miss out on my grandchild’s life,” She said with tears threatening to fall from her eyes.
My heart went out to her because I felt the sincerity in her words as she stood there. I knew that there was more to the story than what I knew so I nodded my head and exchanged numbers with her, promising to call her in the next couple of days.
Once she walked off, I turned to Greg. “Blood, what the fuck was that?” I asked and he
Our time at the cemetery had gone by quickly and it was nearing 5 p.m. We had started the memorial at one and it lasted four hours with food, drinks, weed and lots of love. It was good seeing everybody come out to celebrate the lives of my family.
I was changing Baby Tone’s diaper while Greg was holding a sleepy Jahlisa when I was approached by an older woman. She was tall and brown skinned with salt and pepper hair that hung over her shoulder in one long French braid. I watched as she walked towards us with a slight smile on her face. I had never met this woman before but she had a familiar presence about her. I finished putting Baby Tone’s clothing back on and laid him across my lap as I wiped around his neck and talked baby talk to him, still watching the woman who was now directly in front of us.
“Hello, Jaeda?” she asked extending her hand.
“Umm, yes, and you are?” I asked, curious about who this woman was and how she knew my name. My first thought was that she was the police and I had a million random thoughts of what this could be concerning.
“I apologize. I’m Tracy. I’m, umm, well, I’m Antonio’s mother,” she said, waiting for me to respond but actually I had none.
Tone had rarely ever talked about her. All I really knew about her was that she was serving a 22 year prison term and Tone hadn’t seen or heard from her since he was about seven years old. His mother and father had gone down in the early 90s for drug trafficking and distribution. They were kind of a big deal on the streets of San Francisco back then but had been caught up in drug deal gone wrong and were convicted and sentenced. At the time, Tone was about two years old and was taken in by his aunt. About 5 years into their sentence, Tone’s father was killed inside and that was the last time he had seen or heard from either of his parents. I think he’d kind of just written his mother off just as he felt she did him because he had never showed any emotion behind her absence.
I looked at Greg and then back at Tracy. I didn’t really know what to say. I wondered when had she gotten out and I really wanted to know why she’d shown up here today of all days. Tone hadn’t heard from her in years and she had never reached out to him so why did she feel the need to reach out to me now that he was dead and gone?
“I’m not sure what Tone had told you about me.”
“Not much,” I stated matter-of-factly.
“I deserve that,” she said, fiddling with her hands as she stared at Baby Tone in my lap. “Look, Jaeda, I know you don’t know me from a hole in the wall but I would like to meet up and talk soon. I missed Antonio’s entire childhood running behind a nigga and landed myself in prison but I don’t want to miss out on my grandchild’s life,” She said with tears threatening to fall from her eyes.
My heart went out to her because I felt the sincerity in her words as she stood there. I knew that there was more to the story than what I knew so I nodded my head and exchanged numbers with her, promising to call her in the next couple of days.
Once she walked off, I turned to Greg. “Blood, what the fuck was that?” I asked and he
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