have been proud of. But sometimes she wondered if things might have been different if sheâd been able to tell him she was expecting.
What would have been different? Would he have quit his job and settled into some boring path doing something he didnât love because he had a responsibility?
She wasnât sure that would have happened or worked out if it had. Sheâd bravely told Ryker that loving someone meant loving them just as they were, not trying to change them. She had done that with Johnny, so why even harbor any too-late hope that her pregnancy would have changed a thing?
Life had gutted her, and sometimes she grew angry. Extremely angryâa state that hadnât been familiar to her before. Sometimes she wanted to smash something. Throw something. Get even somehow. But none of that would have helped, and she knew it. Sometimes she wondered why life was so unfair, but even in the depths of misery she could look around and see that life was unfair to everyone. Fairness didnât even enter into it.
Since Ryker was coming and seemed to enjoy coffee, she made a fresh pot. Back in the early days of her pregnancy, when her doctor had limited her to two cups a day, she thought she was going be miserable forever. Now here she was six months later, and her two cups seemed more than ample.
Until right now. The brewing coffee smelled so good, she decided she might indulge. At this point, the restriction had been removed, but she had lost her old urge to drink the brew all day long. Right now, however, the aroma made her mouth water.
But as she waited for Ryker, some old, nearly forgotten instincts began to arise. She ought to be able to offer him something to eat. God, she hadnât done that even for her friends since word of Johnnyâs death. Not even now. Instead, Julie came over and cooked a meal for her, or her other friends dropped by with some tidbit and conversation. Sheâd become an ungracious mole.
It was a wonder she still had any friends, given how self-absorbed sheâd become. She didnât laugh much, didnât say much and couldnât even welcome a guest with a cookie. She took, but she didnât give.
A new kind of guilt speared her, one she hadnât had room for since the funeral. Time, she guessed, to start dusting off her social skills again. Time to make an effort to participate, at least a little. The shower on Friday would be a good start. She hadnât wanted it, but she was getting it, and the girls were going to do it right here in her cave. She wouldnât even have to set foot out into the icy night; the party would come to her.
She made up her mind right then that she was going to enjoy it. Failing that, sheâd make every effort to appear to be enjoying it. God, their patience with her was amazing, because being around her had to have been a serious downer all these months.
The doorbell rang, and she went to let Ryker in. Evidently the winter cold had returned in force. He stomped his feet as if to get blood flowing to them again, and pulled off his ski mask to give her a smile. âIâve been to cold places before, but this one is heading to the top of my list.â
âI havenât been paying attention.â Sadly true.
âTake my word for it. Itâs beginning to feel like Antarctica.â
She had started toward the kitchen but swung around instantly. âWas that hyperbole, or have you been there?â
She saw him hesitate. More secrets. Smothering a sigh, she started for the kitchen again. âI made a fresh pot of coffee for you. How are you managing at the motel?â
âThe motelâs fine. So is the truck stop diner.â
âTry the City Diner sometime. Ask for it as Maudeâs diner, which is what everyone calls it. The service may be less friendly, but the food is fabulous.â
âIâll remember that.â As she entered the kitchen, with him following, he added, âYes,
What would have been different? Would he have quit his job and settled into some boring path doing something he didnât love because he had a responsibility?
She wasnât sure that would have happened or worked out if it had. Sheâd bravely told Ryker that loving someone meant loving them just as they were, not trying to change them. She had done that with Johnny, so why even harbor any too-late hope that her pregnancy would have changed a thing?
Life had gutted her, and sometimes she grew angry. Extremely angryâa state that hadnât been familiar to her before. Sometimes she wanted to smash something. Throw something. Get even somehow. But none of that would have helped, and she knew it. Sometimes she wondered why life was so unfair, but even in the depths of misery she could look around and see that life was unfair to everyone. Fairness didnât even enter into it.
Since Ryker was coming and seemed to enjoy coffee, she made a fresh pot. Back in the early days of her pregnancy, when her doctor had limited her to two cups a day, she thought she was going be miserable forever. Now here she was six months later, and her two cups seemed more than ample.
Until right now. The brewing coffee smelled so good, she decided she might indulge. At this point, the restriction had been removed, but she had lost her old urge to drink the brew all day long. Right now, however, the aroma made her mouth water.
But as she waited for Ryker, some old, nearly forgotten instincts began to arise. She ought to be able to offer him something to eat. God, she hadnât done that even for her friends since word of Johnnyâs death. Not even now. Instead, Julie came over and cooked a meal for her, or her other friends dropped by with some tidbit and conversation. Sheâd become an ungracious mole.
It was a wonder she still had any friends, given how self-absorbed sheâd become. She didnât laugh much, didnât say much and couldnât even welcome a guest with a cookie. She took, but she didnât give.
A new kind of guilt speared her, one she hadnât had room for since the funeral. Time, she guessed, to start dusting off her social skills again. Time to make an effort to participate, at least a little. The shower on Friday would be a good start. She hadnât wanted it, but she was getting it, and the girls were going to do it right here in her cave. She wouldnât even have to set foot out into the icy night; the party would come to her.
She made up her mind right then that she was going to enjoy it. Failing that, sheâd make every effort to appear to be enjoying it. God, their patience with her was amazing, because being around her had to have been a serious downer all these months.
The doorbell rang, and she went to let Ryker in. Evidently the winter cold had returned in force. He stomped his feet as if to get blood flowing to them again, and pulled off his ski mask to give her a smile. âIâve been to cold places before, but this one is heading to the top of my list.â
âI havenât been paying attention.â Sadly true.
âTake my word for it. Itâs beginning to feel like Antarctica.â
She had started toward the kitchen but swung around instantly. âWas that hyperbole, or have you been there?â
She saw him hesitate. More secrets. Smothering a sigh, she started for the kitchen again. âI made a fresh pot of coffee for you. How are you managing at the motel?â
âThe motelâs fine. So is the truck stop diner.â
âTry the City Diner sometime. Ask for it as Maudeâs diner, which is what everyone calls it. The service may be less friendly, but the food is fabulous.â
âIâll remember that.â As she entered the kitchen, with him following, he added, âYes,
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