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amicable exasperated pity for him and a momentary desire to hit him. She laid her fingers spread wide upon his chest, touching the material of his jacket rather than him, an incoherent gesture such as an awkward affectionate animal might have made.
    Austin patted her arm briskly and rose. ‘Can I come this evening?’
    â€˜Yes, yes.’ Austin in her house. She felt protective, huge. Austin there at night, every night, like in the old days. ‘You can have the front room on the second floor. Oh by the way, guess who’s engaged?’
    â€˜Engaged?’
    â€˜Engaged to be married.’
    â€˜Who?’
    â€˜Ludwig. And guess who to?’
    â€˜I don’t know,’ said Austin, looking worried.
    â€˜Gracie Tisbourne.’
    â€˜Oh. How do you know?’
    â€˜He rang me just before lunch.’
    â€˜Oh. I wouldn’t have thought of that match, would you? I wonder if it will work?’
    Mitzi felt a vague thoughtless interest in Ludwig’s engagement, not pleasure since she did not like Gracie, but not displeasure either. Now seeing Austin’s annoyance she felt sad herself. She was fond of Ludwig. And she knew that Austin was fond of Gracie. He liked Ludwig too. But the spectacle of the young people’s happiness clearly gave him no joy.
    The sunny sky was producing rain again. Austin said, ‘I’ll go and pee if you don’t mind.’ He went through the studio and out into the ragged garden. Mitzi followed and watched him. He went over by the wall with his back to her. As the sky slowly darkened he looked like Mr Secombe-Hughes, standing there sturdily with his feet apart. The smell of male urine was wafted on the damp air. I hate men, she thought. I just hate men. I hate them.
    â€˜Clare, is that you? This is Charlotte. I think she’s going.’
    â€˜Oh God. We’re dining with the Arbuthnots.’
    Charlotte was silent for a moment. ‘Well, do as you like. I’m just reporting.’
    â€˜Are you sure?’
    â€˜Yes. The doctor says — Yes, I’m sure.’
    â€˜All right. We’ll come round.’
    Charlotte replaced the telephone.
    Doctor Seldon was putting on his coat.
    â€˜Please, doctor, don’t go. Please don’t go.’
    The doctor took his coat off again, controlling a look of annoyance. ‘There is nothing more I can do, Miss Ledgard.’
    â€˜She may have one of those awful seizures and you said if she did you would give her a shot — you know — to send her off quickly.’
    â€˜Close the door, please, nurse,’ said the doctor.
    Nurse Mahoney closed the door of Alison’s room. As the door closed Charlotte saw Alison looking at her. Only one of Alison’s eyes was open, but such a fierce consciousness was collected in it that Charlotte felt as if a dart had pierced her. Why had she spoken like that almost in Alison’s presence? She would not have done so this morning. As the day went on she had come to see her mother as remote, a ship moving slowly away. How much could that fading mind still perceive?
    â€˜Sorry. She couldn’t have heard and understood, could she?’
    â€˜I don’t know,’ said the doctor. ‘I don’t think it will be necessary to help her on. She will go very soon.’
    â€˜Will she go peacefully?’ I couldn’t bear it if she fights, thought Charlotte.
    â€˜I think so.’
    â€˜But suppose she doesn’t? Please stay.’
    â€˜The nurse can do all that is needed.’
    â€˜You mean the nurse can give her the shot to — help her on?’ Charlotte used the doctor’s phrase. It sounded strange, more like birth than death. Death can be a struggle, an achievement too.
    â€˜No,’ said the doctor.
    â€˜No?’
    â€˜It will not be necessary,’ he repeated.
    â€˜Please sit down in here. Can I bring you anything? Wait a little while. She’ll go soon, you said so, it will be such