Read Online Always and Forever by Karla J. Nellenbach - Free Book Online Page A

affected me, and I couldn't be the broken, faded girl. I had to be strong, show everyone how I could survive.
    “He does,” she agreed. We dropped off into a tense quiet, the air thick with our combined grief, hers for the loss of a child and mine for the loss of, well, everything.
    After what seemed like centuries, I broke through the silent wall between us. “Mom?”
    “Yes, Mia?”
    “I don't…I mean…” I bit my lip to keep it from trembling. She didn't push me, just waited patiently for me to finish gathering my thoughts. “I just want things to be normal for a little while. I don't want to be the living dead girl.”
    Her arms tightened around me; her body trembled against mine as she fought the flood of more tears and lost. “I know, sweetheart,” she sniffled in my ear. “I know.”
    In that moment, I wanted to confess my plans to her, reassure her that she wouldn't have to watch her only daughter wither and waste away to nothing. I'd take care of that for her. No slow, torturous demise that would eat my family alive. No. It would be over quickly and relatively painlessly for all involved. Save them all the heartache of watching the cancer slowly devour me from the inside out. I'd make sure of that.
    But I told her none of this. Instead, I hugged her closer and listened to her quiet sobs. I let them wash over me until her sorrow became my determination.
    I would end this. All her pain. All their suffering. And, I would do it sooner rather than later.

    *   *   *

    By the time I rolled out of bed and stumbled down to the kitchen for breakfast the next morning, Mom and Dad had already left for work. Ben sat at the table, staring morosely into his bowl of cereal.
    “Morning,” I mumbled. I trudged over to the coffee pot that thankfully still held enough brew for me to have a cup. “What's on the agenda for today?”
    He just shrugged, but didn't lift his gaze from the soggy mess.
    I slid into the seat next to him and watched him carefully as I sipped the coffee. “Okay, spill,” I commanded, gently.
    He shook his head. “It's nothing,” he muttered, hunched even more over his cereal in an effort to shield himself from interrogation.
    “Ben,” I pressed. I unwrapped one hand from around my mug and reached out to squeeze his hand. “Tell me.”
    He shook his head again, but a sob burst free of his tightly compressed lips. The moment it was out, his whole body dissolved into a quivering mass of dejection. His hands fell to his sides. His shoulders slumped even more. His head hung, and his hair fell forward to form a protective shield around him.
    “Ben,” I groaned. His pain seared through me, branding me with the knowledge that this was all my fault. I scooted my chair over and tugged him into my arms. “Everything's going to be okay, Benji. I promise.”
    “You're dying, aren't you?” he whispered brokenly.
    I stiffened. My whole body went cold. They'd promised! “W-W-Why would you ask that?”
    He pulled away, pinned me with an accusing glare, his face screwed into a pained grimace. “It's true, isn't it?” he demanded.
    Taken aback by his anger—anger that should have been owned solely by me and no one else—I frantically scrounged around for the right words, the lie that he'd readily believe and came up empty-handed. “Is that what they told you?”
    “They told me the tests were inconclusive.” He watched me carefully, searching my face for any trace of a lie. “They said you'd have to go back to see the doctor in a few weeks. Have them run again to know anything for sure.”
    My entire being sagged with relief at those words. I'd be a normal girl for a few more weeks. I could end all this by then. I was absolutely certain of it.
    “I don't believe them.” Ben scowled.
    “You don't have to,” I snapped, abruptly and irrationally angry with him. How dare he cut into my time? How dare he force all this on me? I shoved up to my feet and marched over to the cabinets, rifling