Read Online Almost Royalty: A Romantic Comedy...of Sorts by Courtney Hamilton - Free Book Online

he’s not my daddy, he sleeps at our house a lot. My mommy said that when the dee-vorce is over, Big Mike will be my new daddy.”
    There is complete silence in the room. I don’t understand.
    “Oh… The End,” I said.
    “Thank you, Courtney,” said Mrs. Emerson. “Please be seated.”
    Big Julia is summoned to Mrs. Emerson’s office, pronto.
    Julia glosses over it by telling Mrs. Emerson that I have a good imagination.
    One night, I hear Big Mike and Mommy talking when they think I’m asleep. Big Mike is talking very loudly.
    It sounds like Mommy is crying.
    Big Mike does not become my new daddy.
    Big Mike stops coming over.
    Age 10.
    My mom is sad. She has a lot of boyfriends, but they don’t stay around for long. I don’t think that they like me. My mom starts going to church to meet people. I go to Sunday school. Sometimes, she goes away with a boyfriend from Friday evening to Sunday night. I ask my mom, “What about church?” My mom tells me to go to church on my own. On Sunday, I walk to Sunday school on my own.
    On Easter, I put on my pink dress and walk to Sunday school. I hunt for Easter eggs at the church with the other kids and their parents. My mother is away with the new boyfriend. When she gets home that night, I tell her that I miss her. She is angry. She tells me, “Can’t you leave me alone? I need my own social life.”
    The new boyfriend does not last long. She is sad again.
    Age 12.
    I am five foot four and weigh 89 pounds. My breasts appear and I try to pretend that nothing has changed by slouching.
    One night after I’m in bed, I hear Julia talking on the phone. She’s on the phone for a long time. I keep hearing her say, “I won’t pressure you, I promise.” The next day, Big Mike appears. Julia is happy.
    He is older. He wears frayed jeans and T-shirts with holes in them. He sees me and says, “Jesus, look at you.” He gives me a big hug, and moves his body around while hugging me, holding on way too long. He sticks his hands up my shirt and pretends to tickle me.
    He does this a lot.
    I don’t like it.
    I start to push him when he wants to “just give me a hug.”
    Julia catches me pushing him away.
    She drags me into her bedroom. “If you push him away, he might go and leave us. If he leaves, I’m going to be sad again. You don’t want that, do you? Good. Then don’t push him away, damn it. He’s just showing you that he likes you.”
    Julia and Big Mike decide to take a trip. Alone. For one week.
    Age 15.
    It’s January. I’ve gone back East to look at colleges because I am graduating early from high school. My mom convinces me to visit her sister and brother-in-law, Ruth and Ben Stern, in Marblehead, a town outside of Boston. She gives me their phone number. I’ve never met my Aunt Ruth and Uncle Ben.
    I have never met any member of my mother’s family.
    I call them. They’re surprised to hear from me, but they invite me over. I take a bus from Boston to Marblehead.
    “Oh my goodness, you look so much like Wendy,” says my Aunt Ruth when she sees me. “But blonde.”
    Wendy, my mom’s little sister.
    “Your mom and Wendy didn’t always get along,” said Aunt Ruth.
    “Why?” I ask.
    Aunt Fran looks at me. “How old are you?”
    “Fifteen.”
    “Well, Wendy was the baby of the family, closest to your mom in age. But she always stole your mom’s boyfriends.”
    Aunt Ruth serves leftovers for dinner. After dinner, she asks me if I would like to see a picture of my grandfather.
    She shows me a picture of an old man with a long beard, wearing a small cap over his head. I have seen this kind of cap before.
    “Aunt Ruth,” I ask, “why is my grandfather wearing a Yarmulke?”
    “You don’t know?”
    I think for a moment. “Oh. My mom… you’re not… the Fighting Irish Cohans of Boston?
    “Cohen, not Cohan.”
    “What happened?”
    “Your mom wanted to marry a Goy—your dad. She didn’t want any problems.”
    Aunt Fran hands me the phone.
    “Call