momma.” I tickle
her lower lip with the straw and she finally latches on, sucking
thirstily.
I feel another pang of guilt. With a shadow
following me everywhere I go now, I can’t come home as easily to
check on her throughout the day. Since it looks like Sig isn’t
going anywhere, in the future, I’ll have to think of excuses to
stop by my house for a few minutes here and there.
She grunts again, pushing the straw out of
her mouth with her tongue. I smile down into her familiar yet oddly
blank face. “I guess that means you’re ready for some more food,
huh, Momma?”
After my mother is finished eating, I set
about giving her a bath before I brush her teeth and change her
bed. As I smooth lotion on her skin, I check for red spots that
might indicate bed sores. It’s a constant worry with her lying in
bed all the time, but at least she can shift around a little bit by
herself. Enough to keep her skin from breaking down, obviously.
When I do to slip a fresh gown down over her
head, she holds her arms up like a small child might. The action is
small yet poignant, and a well-hidden part of me cries on the
inside for all the losses that my family has suffered over the
years. Before closing my mind to it, I let the pain rocket through
me, tearing away little bits and pieces of scar tissue. It’s a
painful reminder, but a reminder nonetheless. And reminders can be
good tools in keeping me focused.
Before the tears welling in my eyes can
fall, I think of Travis and my insides quiet. He has to be my first priority. Everything I do, I do for him. And one day, it
will all work out like I’ve planned. And then it’ll be worth it.
All this will be worth it. Until then, I suck it up and press on.
It’s the only choice I have.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN- SIG
It’s dark out so I cut across one street and
two yards to end up at the back of Tommi’s little house. It’s
getting harder and harder to leave her. Whether at night or
dropping her off with Lance for the day, I’m getting greedy. I want to spend time with her. I want to get to know
her, the real her. The her that smiles with her eyes, the her that
watches me from her rearview mirror, the her that looks at me with
longing when she thinks I can’t see.
I’ve wondered so many nights what she does
when she’s home alone, after her brother leaves. It’s always
shortly after that when she’ll bring me a plate for supper or a tin
of cookies or some other kind of treat and wish me a goodnight,
basically dismissing me for the day. Like a good employee, I go on
back to my new “home” and pretend that my duty for the day is over,
until the next morning when I wake up to do it all over again.
But not this time. Not tonight. I want to
know how she fills her time, what she has in her life besides Lance
and her brother.
It’s quiet and I can see that there’s a
light on in the kitchen. The only other light is in what appears to
be a bedroom. The curtains are closed, but I can see shadows
shifting inside. Probably Tommi, judging by the height and build,
and the fluid way she moves.
I watch her flit here and there, bending and
straightening, reaching for things and turning back. I have no idea
what she’s doing, so with a glance left and right, I step closer to
the window and peek through the sliver-like part in the
curtain.
It is Tommi, as I suspected. I can
see her ringing out a washcloth and then turning to her left. I see
her shoulders work and when she leans back into the scope of the
crack, I can see her mouth moving, too. She’s talking to someone,
but I don’t know who. I listen closely. I can hear the sexy timber
of her voice, but just a rumble. Not clearly enough to make out
words. And that’s the only sound I hear.
She smiles occasionally, but it’s a sad
smile. Bereft. I notice the slope of her shoulders when I see her
pick up a laundry basket. They look tired and…heavy. Like she’s
carrying the weight of the world on them. I shift in front
her lower lip with the straw and she finally latches on, sucking
thirstily.
I feel another pang of guilt. With a shadow
following me everywhere I go now, I can’t come home as easily to
check on her throughout the day. Since it looks like Sig isn’t
going anywhere, in the future, I’ll have to think of excuses to
stop by my house for a few minutes here and there.
She grunts again, pushing the straw out of
her mouth with her tongue. I smile down into her familiar yet oddly
blank face. “I guess that means you’re ready for some more food,
huh, Momma?”
After my mother is finished eating, I set
about giving her a bath before I brush her teeth and change her
bed. As I smooth lotion on her skin, I check for red spots that
might indicate bed sores. It’s a constant worry with her lying in
bed all the time, but at least she can shift around a little bit by
herself. Enough to keep her skin from breaking down, obviously.
When I do to slip a fresh gown down over her
head, she holds her arms up like a small child might. The action is
small yet poignant, and a well-hidden part of me cries on the
inside for all the losses that my family has suffered over the
years. Before closing my mind to it, I let the pain rocket through
me, tearing away little bits and pieces of scar tissue. It’s a
painful reminder, but a reminder nonetheless. And reminders can be
good tools in keeping me focused.
Before the tears welling in my eyes can
fall, I think of Travis and my insides quiet. He has to be my first priority. Everything I do, I do for him. And one day, it
will all work out like I’ve planned. And then it’ll be worth it.
All this will be worth it. Until then, I suck it up and press on.
It’s the only choice I have.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN- SIG
It’s dark out so I cut across one street and
two yards to end up at the back of Tommi’s little house. It’s
getting harder and harder to leave her. Whether at night or
dropping her off with Lance for the day, I’m getting greedy. I want to spend time with her. I want to get to know
her, the real her. The her that smiles with her eyes, the her that
watches me from her rearview mirror, the her that looks at me with
longing when she thinks I can’t see.
I’ve wondered so many nights what she does
when she’s home alone, after her brother leaves. It’s always
shortly after that when she’ll bring me a plate for supper or a tin
of cookies or some other kind of treat and wish me a goodnight,
basically dismissing me for the day. Like a good employee, I go on
back to my new “home” and pretend that my duty for the day is over,
until the next morning when I wake up to do it all over again.
But not this time. Not tonight. I want to
know how she fills her time, what she has in her life besides Lance
and her brother.
It’s quiet and I can see that there’s a
light on in the kitchen. The only other light is in what appears to
be a bedroom. The curtains are closed, but I can see shadows
shifting inside. Probably Tommi, judging by the height and build,
and the fluid way she moves.
I watch her flit here and there, bending and
straightening, reaching for things and turning back. I have no idea
what she’s doing, so with a glance left and right, I step closer to
the window and peek through the sliver-like part in the
curtain.
It is Tommi, as I suspected. I can
see her ringing out a washcloth and then turning to her left. I see
her shoulders work and when she leans back into the scope of the
crack, I can see her mouth moving, too. She’s talking to someone,
but I don’t know who. I listen closely. I can hear the sexy timber
of her voice, but just a rumble. Not clearly enough to make out
words. And that’s the only sound I hear.
She smiles occasionally, but it’s a sad
smile. Bereft. I notice the slope of her shoulders when I see her
pick up a laundry basket. They look tired and…heavy. Like she’s
carrying the weight of the world on them. I shift in front
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