Read Online All the Flowers in Shanghai by Duncan Jepson - Free Book Online

of me. I continued eating with him staring at me in silence. Once I had finished, we sat and looked at each other. I huddled on the bed with my arms around my knees while he sat near the door. After a few minutes, he started to smile. It was a weak and uncertain smile, one that made me feel worried rather than reassured.
    “You should not blame your sister. She is suffering greatly and is feeling very sick.”
    I did not care, I just wanted her to leave me alone. I looked at Grandfather expectantly but it seemed he did not have anything else to say to me. I felt what I had always known: that I was second and less important to the family. I must always give way. It was not that Ma and Ba did not love me, more that they preferred to follow tradition and custom rather than to break them. Their devotion to the first child was simply greater than it was to the second, and they could not help that. I could neither win more love from them nor alter their devotion to the eldest. I realize now that this was not something they chose but a thousand-year-old instinct.
    As the maid had already gone back to the kitchen, Grandfather took my bowl away himself. As he took it in his hand, he lingered to press his other hand to my cheek. His rough skin—hardened by a lifetime spent planting and pruning—briefly traced the salty lines of my earlier tears. He looked down at me a moment longer then turned and left me to sleep again.
    In the morning Sister’s fiancé arrived with his father, who summoned Ba very rudely, telling the maid to get him immediately and without delay. When he arrived they all sat down and one of the maids was told to bring some tea. The father did not wait for the maid to return but spoke to Ba abruptly. Whatever was said brought Ba back to his feet immediately so he was standing over his unwelcome guest. He looked at the fat old man, seated in our house like a conquering emperor settling into another’s throne, and it unsettled Ba, intimidated him in his own home. As they talked, something was said that shook Ba. He sat back down and then looked at the floor; then he leaned forward as if about to confront them, but at the last moment remained silent. The father continued talking at him and in the end Ba simply nodded and offered his hand. They shook and then, after a few more words, the father led his son away, leaving Ba standing there staring after them. Eventually he turned and saw me, looking back with his eyes full of an emotion I was too young to understand then.
    I had noticed that during the last week or so the doctors had all ceased coming to the house. I assumed that meant my sister was better and we’d just have to wait while the baby was born. Hopefully that meant she’d be in a better mood.
    I went to knock on her door, but as it was slightly open I went straight in. She was at her mirror applying her makeup, still looking very ill. I asked if she was feeling better. She did not reply. Then I said she must be happy that her wedding was coming soon, and pleased to be becoming a mother. She began screaming at me then and crying so hard it was difficult to make out what she was saying.
    “I hate you! You have done nothing and will get everything . . . you will get it all . I warn you, though, you will not like it. and every time you feel hurt, remember what I told you last time: think of me and of how much I hate you. Because you don’t deserve it! Now get out of my room.”
    As she screamed at me I retreated until I collided with Ba, who had heard Sister shouting and come to her room. The screaming stopped as she started coughing. Little red spots sprayed across the floor at my feet. I looked at Ba, who quickly pushed me out of the door and closed it. I stood outside waiting for him but he did not come out. Grandfather pulled me away and went into the house, calling for a maid to fetch the doctors. I saw Ba come out after several hours, and then the doctors arrived and they went into the room with Ma