Read Online All Falls Down by Ayden K. Morgen - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Ayden K. Morgen
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honestly. It seems less real now, less painful. Like I grieved for him a long time ago.
"Ordinary," Jared murmurs.
"Yeah." My voice shakes a little. "It seem like it's just another day. How terrible does that make me?"
He holds my gaze for a long while, not saying anything. His expression is soft and hard at once, as if he understands exactly what I mean. Not just the guilt over not breaking down and sobbing my heart out because Matthew's gone, but the rest of it too. The fact that I said goodbye a long time ago. That I didn't even know something horrible was happening here. That I let Toby keep me from reaching out over and over again. All of it.
Jared pushes away from the tree and steps up beside me. "Nothing about you is terrible, Savannah." He lifts his hand and quickly brushes it across my cheek.
Little fires dance where his fingers touch.
His gaze tangles with mine again and the regret and guilt in those jade depths is probably an exact mirror of my own. He understands completely.
I wish he didn't, that he didn't have to.
Before I can respond to him, he's walking away again.
I clear my throat and call his name, determined to say something to ease his mind and make it a little better for him, too. He stops halfway to the mansion and turns back to me. The setting sun hits his head, causing a halo of light to surround him, and I have to squint to see his face.
He looks far away again, weary and weighed down.
"You're not terrible either," I say just loud enough for him to hear. "Not at all."
He dips his head once before he turns away again. He says nothing and I'm not sure he believes me, but I want him to. He's not terrible.
I barely know him, but as I watch him walk away, I realize that I do know one thing.
He would never hurt me like Toby did.
I realize something else too.
Those brief touches of his skin to mine aren't nearly enough.
Chapter Six: Can't Forget You
"This is ridiculous," I mutter to myself. I'm standing in the kitchen, staring out at the rain sheeting down outside the window. Thunder rumbles in the distance, though I've yet to see a single flash of lightning. I'm beyond annoyed. For the last week, it's rained on a daily basis and I'm tired of it. I miss the sun. I miss being able to sneak out of the mansion without getting soaked.
Hell, at this point, I miss shoes that aren't of the rain boot variety.
The entire week has been a study in frustration, and the rain isn't helping matters.
Lexi refuses to talk about whatever's bothering her, brushing off any attempt to find out with a forced laugh and a tight smile, which has Kit wringing her hands. Madeline refuses to budge on the issue of returning to school, screaming that she isn't ready any time the subject is brought up, which has everyone at a complete loss.
And if that didn't already have me ready to scream, avoiding Jared is making me crazy. I don't even know why I'm avoiding him. Because I like him. Because I can't like him. Because I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
"Dammit," I huff, scrubbing my hands across my face. It doesn't help, of course. I feel completely out of sync with everything, a buoy adrift in raging seas.
Laying my forehead against the cool glass, I sigh.
What am I doing here?
Things are bad all around and I have no clue what to do to help. I don't even know if I can help. The girls just lost their father, for God's sake. Rubbing Kit's back or playing with Madeline's hair until she cries herself to sleep doesn't seem adequate.
Nothing does.
Why the hell am I here?
I'm standing at the window, staring out at the city beyond. I'm trapped here, suffocating. It's been over a week since I woke up and I still don't know when I'll get to leave. The doctor keeps telling me I need time to heal. He says it so much, I've begun to suspect it's the first English he learned.
Every time he says it, I just nod. I don't really want to explain to him that time doesn't heal all wounds. It doesn't fix what's broken,
"Ordinary," Jared murmurs.
"Yeah." My voice shakes a little. "It seem like it's just another day. How terrible does that make me?"
He holds my gaze for a long while, not saying anything. His expression is soft and hard at once, as if he understands exactly what I mean. Not just the guilt over not breaking down and sobbing my heart out because Matthew's gone, but the rest of it too. The fact that I said goodbye a long time ago. That I didn't even know something horrible was happening here. That I let Toby keep me from reaching out over and over again. All of it.
Jared pushes away from the tree and steps up beside me. "Nothing about you is terrible, Savannah." He lifts his hand and quickly brushes it across my cheek.
Little fires dance where his fingers touch.
His gaze tangles with mine again and the regret and guilt in those jade depths is probably an exact mirror of my own. He understands completely.
I wish he didn't, that he didn't have to.
Before I can respond to him, he's walking away again.
I clear my throat and call his name, determined to say something to ease his mind and make it a little better for him, too. He stops halfway to the mansion and turns back to me. The setting sun hits his head, causing a halo of light to surround him, and I have to squint to see his face.
He looks far away again, weary and weighed down.
"You're not terrible either," I say just loud enough for him to hear. "Not at all."
He dips his head once before he turns away again. He says nothing and I'm not sure he believes me, but I want him to. He's not terrible.
I barely know him, but as I watch him walk away, I realize that I do know one thing.
He would never hurt me like Toby did.
I realize something else too.
Those brief touches of his skin to mine aren't nearly enough.
Chapter Six: Can't Forget You
"This is ridiculous," I mutter to myself. I'm standing in the kitchen, staring out at the rain sheeting down outside the window. Thunder rumbles in the distance, though I've yet to see a single flash of lightning. I'm beyond annoyed. For the last week, it's rained on a daily basis and I'm tired of it. I miss the sun. I miss being able to sneak out of the mansion without getting soaked.
Hell, at this point, I miss shoes that aren't of the rain boot variety.
The entire week has been a study in frustration, and the rain isn't helping matters.
Lexi refuses to talk about whatever's bothering her, brushing off any attempt to find out with a forced laugh and a tight smile, which has Kit wringing her hands. Madeline refuses to budge on the issue of returning to school, screaming that she isn't ready any time the subject is brought up, which has everyone at a complete loss.
And if that didn't already have me ready to scream, avoiding Jared is making me crazy. I don't even know why I'm avoiding him. Because I like him. Because I can't like him. Because I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
"Dammit," I huff, scrubbing my hands across my face. It doesn't help, of course. I feel completely out of sync with everything, a buoy adrift in raging seas.
Laying my forehead against the cool glass, I sigh.
What am I doing here?
Things are bad all around and I have no clue what to do to help. I don't even know if I can help. The girls just lost their father, for God's sake. Rubbing Kit's back or playing with Madeline's hair until she cries herself to sleep doesn't seem adequate.
Nothing does.
Why the hell am I here?
I'm standing at the window, staring out at the city beyond. I'm trapped here, suffocating. It's been over a week since I woke up and I still don't know when I'll get to leave. The doctor keeps telling me I need time to heal. He says it so much, I've begun to suspect it's the first English he learned.
Every time he says it, I just nod. I don't really want to explain to him that time doesn't heal all wounds. It doesn't fix what's broken,
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