Read Online Against God by Patrick Senécal - Free Book Online Page B

truly involved and it’s only over the past
     few days that she has genuinely participated, all of which is spoken with
    - In just three days, you can’t imagine the good it’s done me . . . Not that it’s
     wiped out my suffering, it’s just shown me that . . . that suffering isn’t my
     only purpose, that I can do more . . .
    glowing pride, then your wariness turns to disdain, your tone scornful, if she
     thinks you have any intention of joining the group, she’s wasting her time, and
     as you head back downstairs, you hear her ask what you will do with your
     suffering, but you don’t answer, you reach the bottom, you cross the large room,
     then you stop a second, observe with sullen curiosity the people at work, their
     serenity, these people who wave politely before returning to the task at hand,
     then you feel a presence behind you, you turn, it’s Father Léo, still smiling,
     he asks if you too are suffering, actually, it’s more an assertion than a
     question, you shoot back a question of your own, what does he know about it, but
     he doesn’t back down, he says it’s plain to see, and that’s surely why Mélanie
     brought you here, you say nothing, out of the corner of your eye you see Mélanie
     coming down the stairs with another man, both ofthem carrying
     a desk, you point out you barely know her but the priest says that’s immaterial,
     and his voice is a
    - Knowing each other doesn’t matter, recognizing each other is what counts. All
     people suffering intensely recognize each other.
    babbling brook, peaceful and reassuring, and Mélanie sets the desk down,
     Mélanie turns her head to you, gives her customary smile, where sadness and
     gentleness meet, you look away then, avoid Father Léo’s eyes, then you walk to
     the door and outside, aimless wandering, mired in your murky thoughts, one hour,
     two, the streets bustling on a Saturday lunch hour, a crowd parts before you,
     flows around you like a current around debris, you walk into a fast food joint,
     three hamburgers, two orders of fries, two soft drinks, return onto the streets
     slick with black slush, mild temperatures, the sky overcast, this time you have
     a destination in mind, you look for certain streets, find them, stop often,
     hesitate, start up again, then finally you recognize yesterday’s neighbourhood,
     your stride confident now, reach a residential street, duplexes and triplexes
     everywhere, but the closer you get to the apartment, the slower you go,
     tormented, you notice three patrol cars in the distance, one blocking the
     street, you approach the perimeter, two cops are stopping people from going any
     closer, three curious bystanders watch from nearby, staring at Andréane’s
     apartment, people coming and going, likely detectives, serious, grim-looking
     men, you cometo a standstill next to the onlookers, carefully
     observe the two cops as they stop passersby, but they pay no attention to you,
     blasé, indifferent, finally you ask what happened, your voice sounding strange,
     too shrill, one of the cops says he can’t say, one of the onlookers tells you
     there must have been a fatality, he saw a stretcher taken out earlier on, you
     turn to the cop again and insist, as though
    - Is it a murder then?
    challenging him, but the officer repeats wearily that he can’t say, and you
     keep on staring at him, as though your eyes could convey a message, but he
     ignores you, casts a bored look round, you nod then, you turn on your heel then,
     you take off then, seventy minutes, back to your new neighbourhood, you head
     straight for Le Losange, you’re the only customer, you settle in at a table,
     drink one beer, then another, a few other customers dribble in over the course
     of the afternoon, you don’t even look at them, you don’t look at anything,
     nothing at all, at six o’clock the server’s shift is over and she’s replaced by
     another waitress, from the other night you recognize Guylaine,