Read Online Adventures of the Artificial Woman by Thomas Berger - Free Book Online

agitated to the point of climax.
    May’s hearty laughter sent a vibration through her several chins. “You got a good sense of humor, Phyl. You’re right about these guys: If they was normal, they wouldn’t be calling here. My old man never heard of most of this stuff, I only hope. I never grew up in a convent, but most of it was new to me until I worked the phones, I don’t mind telling you.” She laughed till she had to dry her eyes on a Kleenex. “If you took it serious, you’d go nuts.”
    â€œYour husband approves of this job?”
    â€œI tell him it’s telemarketing, which I guess it is. He never asked what I was telemarketing.”
    â€œSports.”
    â€œThat’s right; he just watches sports. But he likes the money I bring home, damn if he don’t.”
    She added proudly, “I bought him a wide-screen TV.” She took a swig from her water bottle. “Excuse me asking, Phyl. You ever been married?”
    â€œI’m separated.”
    May’s phone rang at that point, and a second later, so did Phyllis’s.
    â€œI got ten inches at full erection,” said her caller, “and a great big pair of hairy balls. I want you to crawl across the floor on your naked belly, and when you get here rise to your knees and pray to this majestic god that looms above you, beg his forgiveness for your sins, swear your absolute loyalty to him, for which you may be asked the ultimate sacrifice, hail his grandeur, salute his glory—are you listening, you piece of nothing, to the mighty voice of King Cock?”
    â€œYes,” said Phyllis.
    â€œWell, what are you going to do about it?”
    â€œEverything you mentioned.”
    â€œNot enough. I’m paying for this!”
    â€œWhat else do you want?”
    â€œYou tell me, for Christ sake.”
    â€œI just wish I knew,” Phyllis said. “What can be done for the man who already has everything?”
    Larry appeared suddenly and took the phone from her. Into it he said, “I’m sorry, sir, your call got mistakenly switched to the wrong extension. Let me correct this.”
    â€œI’m not being charged for this, I hope.”
    â€œNo, sir,” Larry lied. “First minute’s free. Hold on.” To Phyllis he said, with crooked finger, “C’mon. Listen to this.”
    She left her cubicle and, passing four others with hostesses on the phone, followed him to the last, the left-side partition of which was the wall. This was occupied by a woman who was doing the crossword puzzle in a magazine. She appeared to be the oldest of the lot, with completely white hair, crow’s-footed eyes, and withered cheeks. She squinted up at Larry through the top lenses of bifocal glasses.
    â€œLiz, pick up Five.”
    The old woman nodded briskly, punched the appropriate button, and lifted the telephone. Her voice was a surprise to Phyllis, being so much younger-sounding than she looked. “Master, Desirée at your service…. Oh, it’s the most magnificent I’ve ever seen. I live only to worship and adore it…. Yes, oh please, please, please do not deny me. I want only to serve it….”
    After a few moments of this, Larry drew Phyllis aside. “S’why I been monitoring your calls, Phyl. You got to develop some patience. Maybe that’s because you’re too good-looking for this job. You’re wasting it, is what you’re doing. Them others here, this is the best they can do.”
    â€œI’m really trying to get into show business.”
    â€œEddie tells me it didn’t work out forya at the club,” said Larry. “Listen, I got an idea. C’mon in the office, talk it over.”
    His office was much more sparsely furnished than his brother Eddie’s, with unpainted plywood walls like those of the cubicles, a table made from a flat door resting on sawhorses, atop which were a laptop computer and a