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Authors: Karen Franklin
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actually felt like more of a punishment for me than for them.
Lauren became a thief during this time to sustain her addictive behaviors. In her room, I found a drawer full of pictures of a family I did not know along with a wallet that belonged to a neighbor. I didnât understand how it had gotten into my daughterâs room, because it wasnât my first instinct to believe Lauren was committing crimes. I took the wallet and put it in the neighborâs mailbox without leaving a note or an explanation. The familiar numb feeling from childhood came over me. I remembered that my addiction was no longer mine to control when I began to steal from my father. I was deep in denial that Lauren could have reached this stage. One day shortly after, I went down in the basement and thought I saw a dead body on the couch. I threw the covers back, but underneath there were just some pillows and a wadded-up blanket. It made me realize the level of insanity I was living in that by then I practically expected to discover a dead body in my basement, because I had discovered everything else.
I decided it was time to get specific help for at least Laurenâs drug problems, and I called a counseling office that specialized in
substance abuse. I started taking her and Ryan to the office every Saturday morning. The counselor spent individual time with me as well. She encouraged me to do new things for myself, like take an exercise class and try to get out of the house more often to socialize with friends. The counselor also told me to try not to be anxious over what I could not control. If I could completely accept my inability to control Lauren and deal with my own fear and controlling impulses instead, I could open myself up to learning positive actions. Regardless of how I might be contributing to problems Lauren had, the choices she was making were 100 percent her own.
It took time before I was ready to embrace this philosophy. After going to the sessions for several months, I began to feel like I was making progress in accepting this fact, but Lauren had continued with business as usual. We seemed to be on opposite paths. Because a change hadnât occurred in her behaviors, our counselor sat me down and told me that she had done as much as she could to help Lauren. The counselor informed me that both of my kids were actively using drugs and were unwilling to change, because they liked their lifestyle too much. She recommended that I hospitalize them for substance abuse, so I called our health insurance company to see if this was possible. The insurance company put me in touch with a local hospital, where I took Lauren and Ryan to be evaluated on the same day I called.
The drive seemed like an eternity, as the kids sat sullenly in the back seat. The hospital decided that Lauren and Ryan should both be admitted into the day treatment program. I was to drop them off daily, at nine, and return to pick them up at four in the
afternoon, Monday through Friday for six weeks. This was terrible for me because of my work schedule. The hospital was a forty-five-minute drive from our house, which meant I had to tell my boss that I needed a leave of absence or to work only partial days. Still sympathetic to my situation, my boss told me to come in late every morning and leave early if I needed to. She said not to worry about taking a leave, but even with this flexibility, it was a rough six weeks. The most frustrating thing was the fact that in the hospital nobody was able to control Lauren or Ryan better than I had.
Lauren was caught smoking during her first week of the program, and then she admitted to smoking pot in the mornings before we left the house each day during week two. Ryan fared only slightly better, because he was diagnosed with signs of depression and put on new medication. We had believed he was suffering from ADHD, but this change in his evaluation led to a new prescription drug. I went along with it, although I was
Lauren became a thief during this time to sustain her addictive behaviors. In her room, I found a drawer full of pictures of a family I did not know along with a wallet that belonged to a neighbor. I didnât understand how it had gotten into my daughterâs room, because it wasnât my first instinct to believe Lauren was committing crimes. I took the wallet and put it in the neighborâs mailbox without leaving a note or an explanation. The familiar numb feeling from childhood came over me. I remembered that my addiction was no longer mine to control when I began to steal from my father. I was deep in denial that Lauren could have reached this stage. One day shortly after, I went down in the basement and thought I saw a dead body on the couch. I threw the covers back, but underneath there were just some pillows and a wadded-up blanket. It made me realize the level of insanity I was living in that by then I practically expected to discover a dead body in my basement, because I had discovered everything else.
I decided it was time to get specific help for at least Laurenâs drug problems, and I called a counseling office that specialized in
substance abuse. I started taking her and Ryan to the office every Saturday morning. The counselor spent individual time with me as well. She encouraged me to do new things for myself, like take an exercise class and try to get out of the house more often to socialize with friends. The counselor also told me to try not to be anxious over what I could not control. If I could completely accept my inability to control Lauren and deal with my own fear and controlling impulses instead, I could open myself up to learning positive actions. Regardless of how I might be contributing to problems Lauren had, the choices she was making were 100 percent her own.
It took time before I was ready to embrace this philosophy. After going to the sessions for several months, I began to feel like I was making progress in accepting this fact, but Lauren had continued with business as usual. We seemed to be on opposite paths. Because a change hadnât occurred in her behaviors, our counselor sat me down and told me that she had done as much as she could to help Lauren. The counselor informed me that both of my kids were actively using drugs and were unwilling to change, because they liked their lifestyle too much. She recommended that I hospitalize them for substance abuse, so I called our health insurance company to see if this was possible. The insurance company put me in touch with a local hospital, where I took Lauren and Ryan to be evaluated on the same day I called.
The drive seemed like an eternity, as the kids sat sullenly in the back seat. The hospital decided that Lauren and Ryan should both be admitted into the day treatment program. I was to drop them off daily, at nine, and return to pick them up at four in the
afternoon, Monday through Friday for six weeks. This was terrible for me because of my work schedule. The hospital was a forty-five-minute drive from our house, which meant I had to tell my boss that I needed a leave of absence or to work only partial days. Still sympathetic to my situation, my boss told me to come in late every morning and leave early if I needed to. She said not to worry about taking a leave, but even with this flexibility, it was a rough six weeks. The most frustrating thing was the fact that in the hospital nobody was able to control Lauren or Ryan better than I had.
Lauren was caught smoking during her first week of the program, and then she admitted to smoking pot in the mornings before we left the house each day during week two. Ryan fared only slightly better, because he was diagnosed with signs of depression and put on new medication. We had believed he was suffering from ADHD, but this change in his evaluation led to a new prescription drug. I went along with it, although I was
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