Read Online Action: A Book About Sex by Amy Rose Spiegel - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Amy Rose Spiegel
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actual humans on the cold, vast internet—we often need to, because of scarcity and safety, even in big cities)—or are a thick-skinned pillar of resilience who doesn’t mind being told to “show me ur ass cheexz.”
That’s right, me friend: I’m one of those knuckle-dragging curmudgeons who believe that, whenever possible, in-person tomcatting is where it’s at. As with every way of relegating tasks that used to be done in person to the solitary convenience of your computron, the online method is desocializing—unless it’s your only possible means of socializing. In order to curtail my online spending habits, for example, I stuck a note to my computer that reads “REMEMBER THAT EVERY TIME YOU BUY SOMETHING OFF OF THE INTERNET, YOU ARE ROBBING YOURSELF OF A STRANGER.” Unless I cannot find the sought-after item in person, this tiny imperative reminds me that whatever low cost Amazon is luring me in with is actually unaffordable, because it keeps the world and me apart.
Many of my friends have culled a love that is truly bulletproof from among the gnashing gyre of the dating internet, but if you’re just looking to get nailed and nail in kind, then I think you should hit the streets. “LOOK HERE, YOU LUDDITE,” you could protest, “I am painfully socially inept! I could never screw up thenerve to drop myself in front of a babe in the flesh!” I see and feel and know and, so often of the time, are you, my dude. That’s why I can tell you that it’s crucial—essential—that you don’t widen that shyness via the curt binary of ACCEPTANCE/REJECTION that online dating cultivates. Do you think it’s going to do wonders for your taciturn, self-winnowing introversion to bob around in a system that turns people into baseball cards? To send out a well-curated sample of yourself, and then plotz when even that miniature clipping of you withers under the rejections of people whose misspellings are so difficult to decipher that you can barely tell which vulgarity they’re attempting to lob at you? (This inevitably happens to everyone and is not a commentary on you; it’s a part of all boning endeavors, but especially this one.)
If you are inhibited by tendencies toward convenience, or meekness, catering to that won’t help you change it. Shut down your computer and thrust yourself into the outside world, which has not only most of the same people you’d have encountered online striding around in it, but also plenty of others. While you can absolutely have hot sex ordered on-screen with the help of your internet provider, part of what makes being your own sexual pioneer so revelatory is the discovery that there are all varieties of smokin’-hot and willing voyagers looking to cross your physical path.
The bright side of online dating is that it makes those who are friendly and cool as they hit on people in the flesh seem brave and self-possessed for well-executed macking. This is not to say that online dating is ab normal. It’s rightfully accepted as the territory of sane, well-adjusted, and pleasant people, where once it held the stigma of the exclusive homeland of the interpersonally maladapted, which was as unfair (and mean, and reductive) back in the internet’s infancy as it is now. I hope it doesn’t feel like I’m contributing to that stigma! I do feel that the internet can be a wonderful conduit for getting in touch with like-minded horny people (who are not me). But if you have the means to meet those selfsame kinds of crush-inducers in person, I find it to be so muchsexier when you’re able to get a feel for what their voices sound like, how they move across a room (especially from the back, heyyy), the purposeful gestures they conduct with their hands, the graceful shapes their mouths form as they talk… because I, as you can probably tell after that in-depth little daydream, am the perviest of them all!!!
So you’re putting your shoes on and ready to head out the door to… Wait, where do
That’s right, me friend: I’m one of those knuckle-dragging curmudgeons who believe that, whenever possible, in-person tomcatting is where it’s at. As with every way of relegating tasks that used to be done in person to the solitary convenience of your computron, the online method is desocializing—unless it’s your only possible means of socializing. In order to curtail my online spending habits, for example, I stuck a note to my computer that reads “REMEMBER THAT EVERY TIME YOU BUY SOMETHING OFF OF THE INTERNET, YOU ARE ROBBING YOURSELF OF A STRANGER.” Unless I cannot find the sought-after item in person, this tiny imperative reminds me that whatever low cost Amazon is luring me in with is actually unaffordable, because it keeps the world and me apart.
Many of my friends have culled a love that is truly bulletproof from among the gnashing gyre of the dating internet, but if you’re just looking to get nailed and nail in kind, then I think you should hit the streets. “LOOK HERE, YOU LUDDITE,” you could protest, “I am painfully socially inept! I could never screw up thenerve to drop myself in front of a babe in the flesh!” I see and feel and know and, so often of the time, are you, my dude. That’s why I can tell you that it’s crucial—essential—that you don’t widen that shyness via the curt binary of ACCEPTANCE/REJECTION that online dating cultivates. Do you think it’s going to do wonders for your taciturn, self-winnowing introversion to bob around in a system that turns people into baseball cards? To send out a well-curated sample of yourself, and then plotz when even that miniature clipping of you withers under the rejections of people whose misspellings are so difficult to decipher that you can barely tell which vulgarity they’re attempting to lob at you? (This inevitably happens to everyone and is not a commentary on you; it’s a part of all boning endeavors, but especially this one.)
If you are inhibited by tendencies toward convenience, or meekness, catering to that won’t help you change it. Shut down your computer and thrust yourself into the outside world, which has not only most of the same people you’d have encountered online striding around in it, but also plenty of others. While you can absolutely have hot sex ordered on-screen with the help of your internet provider, part of what makes being your own sexual pioneer so revelatory is the discovery that there are all varieties of smokin’-hot and willing voyagers looking to cross your physical path.
The bright side of online dating is that it makes those who are friendly and cool as they hit on people in the flesh seem brave and self-possessed for well-executed macking. This is not to say that online dating is ab normal. It’s rightfully accepted as the territory of sane, well-adjusted, and pleasant people, where once it held the stigma of the exclusive homeland of the interpersonally maladapted, which was as unfair (and mean, and reductive) back in the internet’s infancy as it is now. I hope it doesn’t feel like I’m contributing to that stigma! I do feel that the internet can be a wonderful conduit for getting in touch with like-minded horny people (who are not me). But if you have the means to meet those selfsame kinds of crush-inducers in person, I find it to be so muchsexier when you’re able to get a feel for what their voices sound like, how they move across a room (especially from the back, heyyy), the purposeful gestures they conduct with their hands, the graceful shapes their mouths form as they talk… because I, as you can probably tell after that in-depth little daydream, am the perviest of them all!!!
So you’re putting your shoes on and ready to head out the door to… Wait, where do
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