Read Online According to Jane by Marilyn Brant - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Marilyn Brant
Tags: Jane Austen Fan Lit
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the dance floor by the two bio guys. All of them looked like they were having more fun than actors in a Love Boat episode.
Do NOT look , Jane warned for the third time.
But did I listen? No. You'd think I'd learn.
Now Sam's mouth covered Stacy's. He was in the process of devouring her whole, and she was letting him. Right there. In full view of everyone. To the sounds of Spandau Ballet.
I winced.
Then the worst of it happened.
As he traced patterns on her back and dipped his fingers to her waistband to skim the top of her jeans, he caught my gaze and held it. He lifted one corner of his lips in acknowledgement and projected his most conquering stare right back. He all but shouted across the gym, "See what you're missing, Ellie Barnett? See how I don't need you to have a good time. I could have anyone I want, and I don't want you. "
And at that moment, when his triumphant blue eyes turned away from mine and fixed on Stacy's unnaturally perky chest, I vowed I wouldn't want him either, not even in secret. Jane was right about him being a big jerk like Wickham. And I knew with absolute certainty that I'd never let myself get seduced into liking Sam Blaine again, no matter what.
Let me repeat: NEVER.
Which just goes to show how wishy-washy I turned out to be. Because, as the years went by, look at what I did. Not only did I let myself get seduced into liking Sam Blaine and into taking some consequent action (but just once, okay, and we used a condom), in no way was I able to keep secret the private heartache that resulted.
Sam knew.
Jane knew.
Hell, Camryn knew, and even that bastard Dominic might've guessed.
All these years later and I was still being driven to battle Sam--and my inappropriate feelings for him--by forces that seemed beyond my control. So, I decided my only hope for the dream relationship I longed for rested in finding a man who was the Anti-Sam. The Anyone-But-Him Hero of My Heart. I still didn't know where, precisely, to hunt for such a mortal, but I was open to possibilities and more than willing to stalk a little, if necessary.
And I was just optimistic (and, well, desperate) enough to think I'd succeed in capturing a guy like that. One who'd be my Sam-Antidote and heal the hurt Sam had inflicted.
3
Women fancy admiration means more than it
does...And men take care that they should.
-- Pride and Prejudice
I n the weeks that followed Sam and me running into each other at that bar, my life began the last stage of a drastic surface metamorphosis.
In one sense, I knew I was finally becoming the monarch I'd dreamed of. I'd emerged from my cocoon of adolescence, transitioned into young adulthood and was incredibly close to being able to float around the world of grown-ups in my butterfly costume. Inside, however, I remained much the confused caterpillar I'd always been.
The problem, of course, was that the people around me, with the exception of Jane, rarely looked beneath the surface so, to them, I appeared fine. Or, at least, as fine as they figured I should be. And this forced me to keep up the charade of fineness at home.
Case in point: we had a family dinner the night before I drove off to grad school. Mom made her famous chicken potpie, which I usually loved, but in the wake of having so recently seen Sam again and having just broken up with Dominic, I didn't have much of an appetite. So I picked at my food while my family discussed me in their typical, ever-tactful manner.
My dad, smiling at the steaming potpie, said, "Our Ellie, off to do more studying. Hmm. I hope you like it." He sounded slightly mystified. Dad was a pretty bright guy, but he let me know on multiple occasions how, when he was in school, he couldn't wait to get out of college and get his first real job. "Two more years, right?"
I nodded. Two more years of going full time and I'd have dual master's degrees: MA (Master of Arts in English Lit) and MLS (Master of Library Science).
"Well, good," he said. "We know you'll
Do NOT look , Jane warned for the third time.
But did I listen? No. You'd think I'd learn.
Now Sam's mouth covered Stacy's. He was in the process of devouring her whole, and she was letting him. Right there. In full view of everyone. To the sounds of Spandau Ballet.
I winced.
Then the worst of it happened.
As he traced patterns on her back and dipped his fingers to her waistband to skim the top of her jeans, he caught my gaze and held it. He lifted one corner of his lips in acknowledgement and projected his most conquering stare right back. He all but shouted across the gym, "See what you're missing, Ellie Barnett? See how I don't need you to have a good time. I could have anyone I want, and I don't want you. "
And at that moment, when his triumphant blue eyes turned away from mine and fixed on Stacy's unnaturally perky chest, I vowed I wouldn't want him either, not even in secret. Jane was right about him being a big jerk like Wickham. And I knew with absolute certainty that I'd never let myself get seduced into liking Sam Blaine again, no matter what.
Let me repeat: NEVER.
Which just goes to show how wishy-washy I turned out to be. Because, as the years went by, look at what I did. Not only did I let myself get seduced into liking Sam Blaine and into taking some consequent action (but just once, okay, and we used a condom), in no way was I able to keep secret the private heartache that resulted.
Sam knew.
Jane knew.
Hell, Camryn knew, and even that bastard Dominic might've guessed.
All these years later and I was still being driven to battle Sam--and my inappropriate feelings for him--by forces that seemed beyond my control. So, I decided my only hope for the dream relationship I longed for rested in finding a man who was the Anti-Sam. The Anyone-But-Him Hero of My Heart. I still didn't know where, precisely, to hunt for such a mortal, but I was open to possibilities and more than willing to stalk a little, if necessary.
And I was just optimistic (and, well, desperate) enough to think I'd succeed in capturing a guy like that. One who'd be my Sam-Antidote and heal the hurt Sam had inflicted.
3
Women fancy admiration means more than it
does...And men take care that they should.
-- Pride and Prejudice
I n the weeks that followed Sam and me running into each other at that bar, my life began the last stage of a drastic surface metamorphosis.
In one sense, I knew I was finally becoming the monarch I'd dreamed of. I'd emerged from my cocoon of adolescence, transitioned into young adulthood and was incredibly close to being able to float around the world of grown-ups in my butterfly costume. Inside, however, I remained much the confused caterpillar I'd always been.
The problem, of course, was that the people around me, with the exception of Jane, rarely looked beneath the surface so, to them, I appeared fine. Or, at least, as fine as they figured I should be. And this forced me to keep up the charade of fineness at home.
Case in point: we had a family dinner the night before I drove off to grad school. Mom made her famous chicken potpie, which I usually loved, but in the wake of having so recently seen Sam again and having just broken up with Dominic, I didn't have much of an appetite. So I picked at my food while my family discussed me in their typical, ever-tactful manner.
My dad, smiling at the steaming potpie, said, "Our Ellie, off to do more studying. Hmm. I hope you like it." He sounded slightly mystified. Dad was a pretty bright guy, but he let me know on multiple occasions how, when he was in school, he couldn't wait to get out of college and get his first real job. "Two more years, right?"
I nodded. Two more years of going full time and I'd have dual master's degrees: MA (Master of Arts in English Lit) and MLS (Master of Library Science).
"Well, good," he said. "We know you'll
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