Read Online Abigail: Through the Looking Glass by Rachel Elliot - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Rachel Elliot
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flowers in a vase and Sammy’s lighting some candles. He fumbles with the matches.
‘Sorry,’ he says. ‘I got fixated on music and then went down this creepy rose-petal path before I realised – trying too hard.’
He burns his finger trying to light the last candle and looks crestfallen.
‘It’s probably not what you meant by special,’ he mumbles. ‘We should raincheck.’
‘No,’ I say, wanting him to relax. ‘It’s perfect.’
He walks slowly towards me, still looking a bit ill at ease. I feel a rush of affection for him. He’s tried so hard to make his ordinary little room special.
‘What made you change your mind?’ he asks.
‘I get these glimpses where I want to be about more than just dancing,’ I say. ‘Why did you?’
Sammy stares at me for a long, long time. Then he kisses me. I close my eyes and feel his hand brush my arm. We sit on the bed, drawing closer. I feeldizzy and excited and scared all at the same time. I can’t believe we’re actually going to do this.
But Sammy pulls away, breaking the spell.
‘Can we just stop for a second?’ he says.
His voice sounds different – cold. I look at him, and there’s doubt in his eyes. A glimpse flashes in my brain – for a moment it’s as if I can read his thoughts. He doesn’t want me.
Does he find me repulsive? Aren’t I pretty enough? Did I do something wrong? A wave of shame rolls over me like water – I want to run – I want to be anywhere except here. I’ve never felt so embarrassed and awkward.
‘It doesn’t feel right,’ he says. ‘And it should. You deserve that.’
His voice is distant, and my ears are buzzing. I can hardly hear myself speak.
‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘It’s … good decision.’
I have to get out of here as fast as I can.
CHAPTER 13
The thought of Sammy makes me feel frozen inside. And that hurts. Being with Sammy used to be something happy – something that made me feel good. Now I just feel … stupid. And he’s obviously avoiding me. I don’t get it, and I don’t even have anyone to ask about it, because Sammy’s my only friend.
I guess I should just talk to him about it. There has to be a reason. It would help if I could just understand. I ask Sammy to meet me for a picnic. I just want to clear the air and get our relationship back on track.
And then he forgets about the picnic. He
forgets.
I’ve been sitting on his bed all afternoon, waiting for him to come back, and now he’s here, I’m not even angry. It just hurts. I don’t understand what I did wrong. Sammy’s suddenly a stranger to me, and I don’t even know why.
‘Tell me one thing,’ I say. ‘At any point today did you remember that you were supposed to be with me?’
He doesn’t say anything, but his silence speaks volumes.
‘Sammy, this isn’t working, and I don’t know how to fix it.’
‘I know,’ he replies. ‘Me either.’
‘Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this?’ I say.
I want him to plead and beg with me – I want him to say he’ll do anything to fix it. But he just looks at me with sad eyes.
‘Maybe we shouldn’t,’ he says in a soft voice. ‘I mean, if that’s what you want.’
It’s clearly what
he
wants.
‘Yeah, it’s what I want,’ I tell him. ‘You can keep the picnic.’
I close the door behind me as I leave.
True friendships last forever, don’t they?
Sammy and I were best friends. We shared everything. And now it’s as if all those times we had, all the secrets we shared and all the silly, funny little things we did were nothing more than a fantasy. Our private world was a place where I felt safe andloved and happy – and it was a lie. Every time I see Sammy I feel my insides crunching up in pain, and yet he’s just the same – laughing and joking with Tara and Kat and Christian.
I have no idea if it was something I did or said, or if he’s interested in someone else, or if he’s changed for some unknown reason. I remember that day in the common room last
‘Sorry,’ he says. ‘I got fixated on music and then went down this creepy rose-petal path before I realised – trying too hard.’
He burns his finger trying to light the last candle and looks crestfallen.
‘It’s probably not what you meant by special,’ he mumbles. ‘We should raincheck.’
‘No,’ I say, wanting him to relax. ‘It’s perfect.’
He walks slowly towards me, still looking a bit ill at ease. I feel a rush of affection for him. He’s tried so hard to make his ordinary little room special.
‘What made you change your mind?’ he asks.
‘I get these glimpses where I want to be about more than just dancing,’ I say. ‘Why did you?’
Sammy stares at me for a long, long time. Then he kisses me. I close my eyes and feel his hand brush my arm. We sit on the bed, drawing closer. I feeldizzy and excited and scared all at the same time. I can’t believe we’re actually going to do this.
But Sammy pulls away, breaking the spell.
‘Can we just stop for a second?’ he says.
His voice sounds different – cold. I look at him, and there’s doubt in his eyes. A glimpse flashes in my brain – for a moment it’s as if I can read his thoughts. He doesn’t want me.
Does he find me repulsive? Aren’t I pretty enough? Did I do something wrong? A wave of shame rolls over me like water – I want to run – I want to be anywhere except here. I’ve never felt so embarrassed and awkward.
‘It doesn’t feel right,’ he says. ‘And it should. You deserve that.’
His voice is distant, and my ears are buzzing. I can hardly hear myself speak.
‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘It’s … good decision.’
I have to get out of here as fast as I can.
CHAPTER 13
The thought of Sammy makes me feel frozen inside. And that hurts. Being with Sammy used to be something happy – something that made me feel good. Now I just feel … stupid. And he’s obviously avoiding me. I don’t get it, and I don’t even have anyone to ask about it, because Sammy’s my only friend.
I guess I should just talk to him about it. There has to be a reason. It would help if I could just understand. I ask Sammy to meet me for a picnic. I just want to clear the air and get our relationship back on track.
And then he forgets about the picnic. He
forgets.
I’ve been sitting on his bed all afternoon, waiting for him to come back, and now he’s here, I’m not even angry. It just hurts. I don’t understand what I did wrong. Sammy’s suddenly a stranger to me, and I don’t even know why.
‘Tell me one thing,’ I say. ‘At any point today did you remember that you were supposed to be with me?’
He doesn’t say anything, but his silence speaks volumes.
‘Sammy, this isn’t working, and I don’t know how to fix it.’
‘I know,’ he replies. ‘Me either.’
‘Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this?’ I say.
I want him to plead and beg with me – I want him to say he’ll do anything to fix it. But he just looks at me with sad eyes.
‘Maybe we shouldn’t,’ he says in a soft voice. ‘I mean, if that’s what you want.’
It’s clearly what
he
wants.
‘Yeah, it’s what I want,’ I tell him. ‘You can keep the picnic.’
I close the door behind me as I leave.
True friendships last forever, don’t they?
Sammy and I were best friends. We shared everything. And now it’s as if all those times we had, all the secrets we shared and all the silly, funny little things we did were nothing more than a fantasy. Our private world was a place where I felt safe andloved and happy – and it was a lie. Every time I see Sammy I feel my insides crunching up in pain, and yet he’s just the same – laughing and joking with Tara and Kat and Christian.
I have no idea if it was something I did or said, or if he’s interested in someone else, or if he’s changed for some unknown reason. I remember that day in the common room last
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