mother offered to accompany him into the bookstore just to keep him company. Of course, he knew that she was afraid for him. With the groups of people on campus, would this be the day that he had a panic attack in the bookstore or became unresponsive in the bathroom? The college had been briefed about his various neuroses by his mother and the current stop in his revolving door of shrinks, but at the end of the day, it was his mother who had to pick up the pieces if he fell apart. It took a long time to convince her to wait in the car outside the quad. If he was going to sit in a room full of other people for class, he had to start doing things for himself.
As luck would have it, the bookstore was relatively quiet when he arrived. Most of the students probably already had their books.
“May I help you?” the young woman from behind the desk asked as Aaron approached. The smile faded quickly from her pointed little face as Aaron looked up, his scars illuminated harshly in the fluorescent lighting. He could tell that she was trying not to stare as she twirled her blond hair around one finger, obviously nervous and uncomfortable. Aaron handed her his receipt without a word, and she looked it over before going to the shelves a few feet behind her to get his bag of books. Looking around at the different products on display as he waited, he was glad that his mother had already taken care of getting everything else that he needed. Aaron thought that maybe his mother took a special kind of comfort in doing something as mundane as picking out his school supplies, because he was still around to buy them for. Picking up notebooks and pens was his mother’s way of celebrating the fact that he needed them.
The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he felt someone standing in line behind him. He didn’t want to be here any longer than was absolutely necessary. God, he didn’t know if he could sit in a classroom surrounded by people if he couldn’t even stand in line to get books. The girl stepped back to the counter and double-checked the bag’s contents to make sure they matched his receipt. It seemed to Aaron that she was almost deliberately taking her time checking his stuff. It made him uncomfortable. She pushed the bag to him, but didn’t let go of the bottom when he grabbed the handles at the top.
“I don’t know if you remember, but… uhm… we went to high school together,” she said finally. Warning bells started to sound in his head, and his heart raced. His breathing became shallow, and he tried to pull the bag away from her and leave, but she held on. “I’m so sorry about—” That was as far as she’d gotten before Aaron ripped the bag from her grasp and bolted for the door. He had no idea if she was going to express her sorrow about what happened to him, or Juliette, but whatever it was, he didn’t want to hear it. He fucking hated the word sorry . They couldn’t possibly understand what the word meant. The girl, well, all of them who tried and failed to console him, they couldn’t possibly be as sorry as he was. He didn’t want their hollow platitudes, no matter how sincere they seemed. Aaron didn’t know the girl behind the counter, didn’t remember her. She certainly didn’t know him, at least the boy he had become. There was absolutely nothing she could say that he wanted to hear.
His hands were still wrapped into tight fists, one around the handles of the bookstore bag, the other awkwardly hanging at his side as he walked out into the quad with its perfectly landscaped lawns and modest, well-kept buildings. The campus also happened to have the best IT program within a hundred-mile radius. His parents had insisted that he go to college, even if he didn’t feel like he had any kind of future. The shrinks had told his mother that Aaron should live as close to a normal life as possible, to assimilate him back into society. It was a joke. Aaron would attend this school not for its academics,
As luck would have it, the bookstore was relatively quiet when he arrived. Most of the students probably already had their books.
“May I help you?” the young woman from behind the desk asked as Aaron approached. The smile faded quickly from her pointed little face as Aaron looked up, his scars illuminated harshly in the fluorescent lighting. He could tell that she was trying not to stare as she twirled her blond hair around one finger, obviously nervous and uncomfortable. Aaron handed her his receipt without a word, and she looked it over before going to the shelves a few feet behind her to get his bag of books. Looking around at the different products on display as he waited, he was glad that his mother had already taken care of getting everything else that he needed. Aaron thought that maybe his mother took a special kind of comfort in doing something as mundane as picking out his school supplies, because he was still around to buy them for. Picking up notebooks and pens was his mother’s way of celebrating the fact that he needed them.
The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he felt someone standing in line behind him. He didn’t want to be here any longer than was absolutely necessary. God, he didn’t know if he could sit in a classroom surrounded by people if he couldn’t even stand in line to get books. The girl stepped back to the counter and double-checked the bag’s contents to make sure they matched his receipt. It seemed to Aaron that she was almost deliberately taking her time checking his stuff. It made him uncomfortable. She pushed the bag to him, but didn’t let go of the bottom when he grabbed the handles at the top.
“I don’t know if you remember, but… uhm… we went to high school together,” she said finally. Warning bells started to sound in his head, and his heart raced. His breathing became shallow, and he tried to pull the bag away from her and leave, but she held on. “I’m so sorry about—” That was as far as she’d gotten before Aaron ripped the bag from her grasp and bolted for the door. He had no idea if she was going to express her sorrow about what happened to him, or Juliette, but whatever it was, he didn’t want to hear it. He fucking hated the word sorry . They couldn’t possibly understand what the word meant. The girl, well, all of them who tried and failed to console him, they couldn’t possibly be as sorry as he was. He didn’t want their hollow platitudes, no matter how sincere they seemed. Aaron didn’t know the girl behind the counter, didn’t remember her. She certainly didn’t know him, at least the boy he had become. There was absolutely nothing she could say that he wanted to hear.
His hands were still wrapped into tight fists, one around the handles of the bookstore bag, the other awkwardly hanging at his side as he walked out into the quad with its perfectly landscaped lawns and modest, well-kept buildings. The campus also happened to have the best IT program within a hundred-mile radius. His parents had insisted that he go to college, even if he didn’t feel like he had any kind of future. The shrinks had told his mother that Aaron should live as close to a normal life as possible, to assimilate him back into society. It was a joke. Aaron would attend this school not for its academics,
Similar Books
