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Authors: Scott Hutchins
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this girl?
frnd1: twenty
drbas: technically that’s a woman
frnd1: i’m glad you think so
drbas: willie always says “twen-ty is plen-ty”
Always Willie. What would
he
think? It can be hard to rattle this particular pea out of the gourd.
frnd1: do you agree with willie’s opinion?
drbas: willie’s opinion is a belief willie holds
frnd1: but what is your opinion of a man in his 30s dating a woman who is 20?
drbas: it’s good to date for at least six months before you marry
[280959: dominant category ≠ dating; dominant categories = age, appropriateness]
drbas: my opinion of a man in his 30s dating a woman who is 20 is a belief i hold
frnd1: could you clarify this opinion?
drbas: opinions are like ugly children . . . despite it all you love your own
I do love his quips, but who did he use them on? Not us. Maybe he was quipped out
by the time he got home from the clinic. He usually arrived just before “supper” (we
weren’t allowed to call it dinner), washed his hands thoroughly, joined us at table,
listened as Libby asked us about our days at school, and then went and sat in grim
silence in his study, brow furrowed, probably penning humorous quips.
The rhythmic
ting-tock-ting-tock
of Livorno’s practice putts comes to a stop. He appears in my doorway. “Adam and
his emotional heuristics.” He gestures dismissively, but his voice sounds unsure.
“He thinks I don’t know? I created the first working models of emotional computing.”
I assume he’s referring to the Seven Sins, though I’m not sure anyone else considers
them
working
models. “I for one should know the limitations on this. Until we have a computer
that’s as parallel processed as the brain, where basically the cables and the processors
are one . . . until then we’re just playing parlor games.”
“Yes,” I say. Though if memory serves, the Turing test is actually based on a parlor
game. The Imitation Game, apparently popular in Turing’s era. A woman and a man were
sent to separate rooms; the other partygoers, not knowing who was behind either door,
passed handwritten questions to each player. They were both human, obviously, so the
goal was to determine which was the woman. It was a little sanctioned gender-bending.
“But I can’t tell which frames have taken and which haven’t,” Livorno says. “I’ve
been completely unable to discern any change in his romanticism.”
“He was a capital-R Romantic. He would have defended his honor with dueling pistols.
But there’s nothing in the journals for lowercase-R romanticism to fasten on to.”
“That can’t be entirely true.” He points to the keyboard. “Feel him out a bit on your
parents’ marriage.”
frnd1: what was your first memory of meeting your wife?
drbas: my memories all exist at the same time
[280965: “first memory of meeting” = “memory of first meeting”; repeat]
drbas: i was a sigma chi and she was a kappa kappa gamma. but we didn’t meet that
way at all. when my father came up for parents’ weekend she rammed into his fender.
my father never forgave her—because she was driving a ford
This is a chunk of text from the journals. I eat up these old stories, though they
don’t have the clear ring of the truth. Even when he recorded them as they were happening,
they feel like stories he’s polished a little too much. Still, I’d love to hear more;
I just don’t think Livorno would put up with it.
frnd1: that’s a good story
drbas: thank you
frnd1: did you have sex before marriage?
drbas: ????
frnd1: did you have sexual intercourse before marriage?
drbas: if you have not been tested i insist you use the barrier method
This isn’t from the journals, but from the medical information we downloaded. Or at
least that’s what I’m assuming. I don’t know how my father would have phrased such
advice—or even if he would have given it.
frnd1: do you agree with sex before
frnd1: twenty
drbas: technically that’s a woman
frnd1: i’m glad you think so
drbas: willie always says “twen-ty is plen-ty”
Always Willie. What would
he
think? It can be hard to rattle this particular pea out of the gourd.
frnd1: do you agree with willie’s opinion?
drbas: willie’s opinion is a belief willie holds
frnd1: but what is your opinion of a man in his 30s dating a woman who is 20?
drbas: it’s good to date for at least six months before you marry
[280959: dominant category ≠ dating; dominant categories = age, appropriateness]
drbas: my opinion of a man in his 30s dating a woman who is 20 is a belief i hold
frnd1: could you clarify this opinion?
drbas: opinions are like ugly children . . . despite it all you love your own
I do love his quips, but who did he use them on? Not us. Maybe he was quipped out
by the time he got home from the clinic. He usually arrived just before “supper” (we
weren’t allowed to call it dinner), washed his hands thoroughly, joined us at table,
listened as Libby asked us about our days at school, and then went and sat in grim
silence in his study, brow furrowed, probably penning humorous quips.
The rhythmic
ting-tock-ting-tock
of Livorno’s practice putts comes to a stop. He appears in my doorway. “Adam and
his emotional heuristics.” He gestures dismissively, but his voice sounds unsure.
“He thinks I don’t know? I created the first working models of emotional computing.”
I assume he’s referring to the Seven Sins, though I’m not sure anyone else considers
them
working
models. “I for one should know the limitations on this. Until we have a computer
that’s as parallel processed as the brain, where basically the cables and the processors
are one . . . until then we’re just playing parlor games.”
“Yes,” I say. Though if memory serves, the Turing test is actually based on a parlor
game. The Imitation Game, apparently popular in Turing’s era. A woman and a man were
sent to separate rooms; the other partygoers, not knowing who was behind either door,
passed handwritten questions to each player. They were both human, obviously, so the
goal was to determine which was the woman. It was a little sanctioned gender-bending.
“But I can’t tell which frames have taken and which haven’t,” Livorno says. “I’ve
been completely unable to discern any change in his romanticism.”
“He was a capital-R Romantic. He would have defended his honor with dueling pistols.
But there’s nothing in the journals for lowercase-R romanticism to fasten on to.”
“That can’t be entirely true.” He points to the keyboard. “Feel him out a bit on your
parents’ marriage.”
frnd1: what was your first memory of meeting your wife?
drbas: my memories all exist at the same time
[280965: “first memory of meeting” = “memory of first meeting”; repeat]
drbas: i was a sigma chi and she was a kappa kappa gamma. but we didn’t meet that
way at all. when my father came up for parents’ weekend she rammed into his fender.
my father never forgave her—because she was driving a ford
This is a chunk of text from the journals. I eat up these old stories, though they
don’t have the clear ring of the truth. Even when he recorded them as they were happening,
they feel like stories he’s polished a little too much. Still, I’d love to hear more;
I just don’t think Livorno would put up with it.
frnd1: that’s a good story
drbas: thank you
frnd1: did you have sex before marriage?
drbas: ????
frnd1: did you have sexual intercourse before marriage?
drbas: if you have not been tested i insist you use the barrier method
This isn’t from the journals, but from the medical information we downloaded. Or at
least that’s what I’m assuming. I don’t know how my father would have phrased such
advice—or even if he would have given it.
frnd1: do you agree with sex before
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