manic phase. Creativity tends to come alive during those moments. The only bad thing is that I can’t control the outbursts—kind of like what just happened with Taylor. I hope she’s all right and gets home safely. I’m too embarrassed to call her right now, and besides, she probably hates me. I know I hate me.
I walk into my apartment, sit down on the couch, and light a cigarette. I’m a singer and I shouldn’t smoke, but I do during times like these. I just can’t get the look on Taylor’s face out of my head. It was horrible to watch. I feel like I just killed her and stomped on her heart. I want her to know that I’m sorry. I put the cigarette out and do what I do best when I’m this upset. I take out my pocketknife and pull off my shirt. I cut a line down the left side of my chest, just so that enough blood trickles down to my navel. I hurt Taylor’s heart tonight, so I want to come just as close to hurting mine.
Mason
I
want to kill him
. I never thought I’d think that way of Peyton, but he hurt her. She’s my wife, and he made her take a cab home alone at night. It started to rain while she was waiting for the cab, so now she’s drenched. She’s shivering from being wet for so long. I don’t know what’s happened to Peyton, but he has something coming to him.
“Tay, why didn’t you call me?”
“I didn’t know if you were off from work or not. I didn’t want to disturb you,” she says hurtfully.
“Babe, I’m never too busy for you! Especially in situations like this.”
“I’m sorry, Mason.”
“Don’t be. It’s Peyton who should be sorry…or at least he will be!” I feel the anger rise in me like the flames in
Dante’s Inferno
.
“Go easy on him, Mason. Something’s wrong; I know it! It wasn’t Peyton. Peyton was gone; I saw it in his eyes.”
“Please don’t defend him; it’s making me angrier!”
“I’m not defending him, but maybe you should ask him what’s wrong. He is your best friend. I wouldn’t want to be the reason to tear you two apart. You’re like brothers, and I’m just a girl.”
“You’re my wife, and that means I can’t and won’t let anyone speak to you or treat you the way he did tonight. I was serious when I made that vow. Family or not!”
“I know you were, Mason, and I love you for that. I really do,” she says. When she kisses me softly, there’s a taste of sadness.
“I’m going to take a shower now and then I’ll come to bed. You don’t have to wait up for me,” she says. Her voice sounds as if her world has ended.
I hate seeing her like this. Even more, I hate it that Peyton means so much to her. I’m not jealous or anything, but I just miss having my wife sometimes. I try my best to always be here for her, even though I know I haven’t been around much lately. I’m angry with Peyton, but I should be angry with myself. I made that vow; not him. He may have hurt her tonight, but I’m afraid I’ve hurt her even more. I’m not always here, but I should be.
I should be
.
She comes out of the shower with just her towel on, and I just can’t help but stare at her.
“What?” she asks curiously.
“You’re beautiful.” It’s all I can say.
It’s true
.
“And you’re perfect,” she says, coming closer to me.
I’m not.
“I should thank you for being the best husband alive. Most guys couldn’t do it; especially at your age,” she says, and there is sincerity written all over her body.
“Well, I try.” I force a smile.
“I love your smile, even when it is forced.”
She knows me too well
.
“Don’t let Peyton upset you, he was just having a rough day. He didn’t mean it,” she says, standing directly in front of me. “Now make me feel better.” She lets her towel fall off.
She kisses me and tells me she loves me; then she whispers in my ear, “You’re perfect.”
I’m not
.
And I’m sorry
.
Taylor
T he next morning I wake up with a heavy heart and dread going to school. I’m still
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