the telemovies , Blake thought. No one could survive the telemovies.
Zeeb says:
BBP—or Brady Bunch Psychosis—has long been recognised as the end result of watching every episode of an old 20th-century television show known as The Brady Bunch . Studies conducted by Doctor Hans Baird show a correlation between watching the program and serious health issues. The first symptoms are a slurring of words, followed by drooling, a vacant expression and—finally—brain death.
The telemovies seem to be the clincher, although Blake is wrong about the episodes always leading to physical death. Ruth Hempsinkle, a housewife in Melbourne, Australia, once watched every episode of The Brady Bunch —including the telemovies—and survived the ordeal.
But only just.
She later ate her meals through a straw while winking at inanimate objects. This did not stop her from pursuing a successful political career.
Blake shot a look at Nicki, who was sadly shaking her head.
No luck on the trace.
‘How am I supposed to break into GADO?’ Blake asked Badde. ‘It’s one of the most secure facilities on Earth.’
‘You’re inventive. You’ll think of a way.’
‘Let me speak to Lisa.’
‘All right, but I will insist on laughing in a really evil fashion when I sign off.’
Silence followed, then—
‘Dad?’
The sound of her voice almost broke his heart. ‘I’m coming for you, Lisa,’ he said. ‘I won’t give up.’
‘I know, Dad,’ she said, swallowing. ‘He’s already forced me to watch two episodes!’
‘No!’
‘There’s one where Bobby gets a zit—’
‘No!’
‘And another one where Cindy learns how to bake a sponge cake.’
Oh no , Blake thought. Not the sponge cake episode!
Badde’s voice came back on the line. ‘I’m giving you two days,’ he said. ‘In the meantime, we’ll see how much little Lisa can take.’
He started to laugh. It was a helpless chuckle that grew into an out-of-control roar. He even did the horrible giggling thing that maniacs do, ending in a gurgle like something going down the drain.
The sound rang in Blake’s ears long after Badde had hung up.
11
It took Blake a moment to realise Nicki was talking to him.
‘I’ve tried tracing the call,’ she was saying. ‘I got as far as a pasta bar in Japan, but it was relayed through an insurance office in Hong Kong, bounced off a sheep station in Australia and then a taco joint on the moon.’ She shook her head. ‘I lost it after that.’
‘Where was the phone purchased?’
‘A delicatessen in Dubai.’
‘They might have security cameras. But it’s unlikely Badde would have made the purchase himself.’ Blake shook his head. ‘He’s got Lisa.’
‘What are you going to do?’
‘Get her back. Which means I need to get into GADO.’
‘What do you mean, you need to get into GADO?’ Nicki said. ‘I’m not a pencil sharpener. I’m your partner. That means we work together.’
Blake stared at Nicki. She had obviously short-circuited.
‘Agent Steel,’ he said, ‘I appreciate the offer, but I’m talking about breaking into GADO, the most secure facility on Earth.’
‘All the more reason you need me.’
‘You know what you’re saying? If we get caught, we’d be charged with treason. Our reputations would be ruined. And it’s a mandatory life sentence.’
‘That could be a problem for me,’ Nicki admitted. ‘Theoretically, I might live forever. You, on the other hand, are a short-lived lump of carbon with your best days behind you.’
‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘I think.’
‘So you’ve got two choices: you can include me on this assignment and dramatically increase your chances of success, or—’
‘ Or ?’
‘I contact the assistant director and tell him what you’re planning. It’s up to you.’
Blake rubbed his chin. Nicki was right. Having her along would turn an impossible mission into…well, a slightly less impossible mission. Two heads were probably better than one, even
Zeeb says:
BBP—or Brady Bunch Psychosis—has long been recognised as the end result of watching every episode of an old 20th-century television show known as The Brady Bunch . Studies conducted by Doctor Hans Baird show a correlation between watching the program and serious health issues. The first symptoms are a slurring of words, followed by drooling, a vacant expression and—finally—brain death.
The telemovies seem to be the clincher, although Blake is wrong about the episodes always leading to physical death. Ruth Hempsinkle, a housewife in Melbourne, Australia, once watched every episode of The Brady Bunch —including the telemovies—and survived the ordeal.
But only just.
She later ate her meals through a straw while winking at inanimate objects. This did not stop her from pursuing a successful political career.
Blake shot a look at Nicki, who was sadly shaking her head.
No luck on the trace.
‘How am I supposed to break into GADO?’ Blake asked Badde. ‘It’s one of the most secure facilities on Earth.’
‘You’re inventive. You’ll think of a way.’
‘Let me speak to Lisa.’
‘All right, but I will insist on laughing in a really evil fashion when I sign off.’
Silence followed, then—
‘Dad?’
The sound of her voice almost broke his heart. ‘I’m coming for you, Lisa,’ he said. ‘I won’t give up.’
‘I know, Dad,’ she said, swallowing. ‘He’s already forced me to watch two episodes!’
‘No!’
‘There’s one where Bobby gets a zit—’
‘No!’
‘And another one where Cindy learns how to bake a sponge cake.’
Oh no , Blake thought. Not the sponge cake episode!
Badde’s voice came back on the line. ‘I’m giving you two days,’ he said. ‘In the meantime, we’ll see how much little Lisa can take.’
He started to laugh. It was a helpless chuckle that grew into an out-of-control roar. He even did the horrible giggling thing that maniacs do, ending in a gurgle like something going down the drain.
The sound rang in Blake’s ears long after Badde had hung up.
11
It took Blake a moment to realise Nicki was talking to him.
‘I’ve tried tracing the call,’ she was saying. ‘I got as far as a pasta bar in Japan, but it was relayed through an insurance office in Hong Kong, bounced off a sheep station in Australia and then a taco joint on the moon.’ She shook her head. ‘I lost it after that.’
‘Where was the phone purchased?’
‘A delicatessen in Dubai.’
‘They might have security cameras. But it’s unlikely Badde would have made the purchase himself.’ Blake shook his head. ‘He’s got Lisa.’
‘What are you going to do?’
‘Get her back. Which means I need to get into GADO.’
‘What do you mean, you need to get into GADO?’ Nicki said. ‘I’m not a pencil sharpener. I’m your partner. That means we work together.’
Blake stared at Nicki. She had obviously short-circuited.
‘Agent Steel,’ he said, ‘I appreciate the offer, but I’m talking about breaking into GADO, the most secure facility on Earth.’
‘All the more reason you need me.’
‘You know what you’re saying? If we get caught, we’d be charged with treason. Our reputations would be ruined. And it’s a mandatory life sentence.’
‘That could be a problem for me,’ Nicki admitted. ‘Theoretically, I might live forever. You, on the other hand, are a short-lived lump of carbon with your best days behind you.’
‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘I think.’
‘So you’ve got two choices: you can include me on this assignment and dramatically increase your chances of success, or—’
‘ Or ?’
‘I contact the assistant director and tell him what you’re planning. It’s up to you.’
Blake rubbed his chin. Nicki was right. Having her along would turn an impossible mission into…well, a slightly less impossible mission. Two heads were probably better than one, even
Similar Books
