Read Online A Taste of Submission by Jamie Fairfax - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Jamie Fairfax
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anything about it so I went online to learn more, and now I’m totally confused.”
Charles laughed, “You know what they say about opinions, they are like assholes; everyone has one. Well, in the world of BDSM there are a lot of assholes with a lot of opinions. What in particular was confusing?”
“Well, it seems like people argue a lot about whether something is ‘allowed’ in BDSM. Like some people say you can never drink when doing a scene. And other people argue about if someone is a ‘slave’ or just a ‘submissive’—what’s the difference?
“Okay, well let’s take the first one—‘the rules.’ First off in my opinion there are only two absolute rules and they are first, whatever is going on must be physically and emotionally safe, no permanent harm can happen. And second it must be totally consensual between two adults who are clearly in a position to make a choice. In other words if you’re coercing someone, taking advantage of someone who is drunk or in any way making someone do something they truly do not want to be doing then it is abuse, not BDSM. And if you cause someone irreparable harm physically or emotionally then it is not BDSM.”
“Are there people involved in BDSM who are abusive?” Jenni was concerned about hearing the word abuse.
“Unfortunately yes, it does happen for both dominants and submissives.” Charles sighed with resignation. “Luckily it is a small percentage and they are easily spotted by those in the community.”
“So there is a community? Are they the ones who make up the rules?”
Charles smiled, “Well, there is a community because people who share an interest in this lifestyle do tend to hang out together and there are events and websites and such. But there is no person or group making up or enforcing any rules, rules are always up to the individuals involved.”
Jenni nodded, glad to hear it was a more casual than formal community.
“For example,” Charles continued, “the rule about no drinking or doing any drugs is for me at times a good rule to follow and at other times more of a personal choice. So the scene we did in my bedroom was very safe and it was totally fine we had drunk some sake. Neither one of us was in any way impaired and having a little buzz was just part of a very fun evening.”
“I’d definitely agree about the fun part,” Jenni grinned.
Charles smiled, “For other scenes it would not be appropriate to be impaired in any way, if for instance you’re doing heavy bondage, or electrical play or any type of knife play.”
Electrical play, knife play, yikes , thought Jenni. S ome of this might be too much for me . She decided to wait and ask about that later.
“In those cases the dom needs to be sober because he has the safety of the submissive in his hands and the submissive must be sober because she has to be able to answer honestly about what is happening and to use her safe word if needed. Also if you’re a dom and at a public party and you will be playing with someone who is not your regular partner, then I think you should be sober because you do not know the person and you need all your senses to protect the person while playing with them.”
Jenni pondered those last comments. “So you have played at public parties, with submissives you didn’t know?”
“Not often, but yes, I’ve gone to parties when I didn’t have a submissive partner and played with others.”
Jenni contemplated asking more about public parties but decided to wait on that too as she had another more pressing question. “So what is all the fuss about who is a ‘slave?’ I saw online chats where people got really angry about that.”
Charles let out a sigh, “Yeah, it’s amazing how much energy people put into questions like that, and a lot of them are online people who have never even done BDSM in real life.”
“So not all submissives are slaves?”
“No, many are not what would be defined as slaves, just submissives. There is
Charles laughed, “You know what they say about opinions, they are like assholes; everyone has one. Well, in the world of BDSM there are a lot of assholes with a lot of opinions. What in particular was confusing?”
“Well, it seems like people argue a lot about whether something is ‘allowed’ in BDSM. Like some people say you can never drink when doing a scene. And other people argue about if someone is a ‘slave’ or just a ‘submissive’—what’s the difference?
“Okay, well let’s take the first one—‘the rules.’ First off in my opinion there are only two absolute rules and they are first, whatever is going on must be physically and emotionally safe, no permanent harm can happen. And second it must be totally consensual between two adults who are clearly in a position to make a choice. In other words if you’re coercing someone, taking advantage of someone who is drunk or in any way making someone do something they truly do not want to be doing then it is abuse, not BDSM. And if you cause someone irreparable harm physically or emotionally then it is not BDSM.”
“Are there people involved in BDSM who are abusive?” Jenni was concerned about hearing the word abuse.
“Unfortunately yes, it does happen for both dominants and submissives.” Charles sighed with resignation. “Luckily it is a small percentage and they are easily spotted by those in the community.”
“So there is a community? Are they the ones who make up the rules?”
Charles smiled, “Well, there is a community because people who share an interest in this lifestyle do tend to hang out together and there are events and websites and such. But there is no person or group making up or enforcing any rules, rules are always up to the individuals involved.”
Jenni nodded, glad to hear it was a more casual than formal community.
“For example,” Charles continued, “the rule about no drinking or doing any drugs is for me at times a good rule to follow and at other times more of a personal choice. So the scene we did in my bedroom was very safe and it was totally fine we had drunk some sake. Neither one of us was in any way impaired and having a little buzz was just part of a very fun evening.”
“I’d definitely agree about the fun part,” Jenni grinned.
Charles smiled, “For other scenes it would not be appropriate to be impaired in any way, if for instance you’re doing heavy bondage, or electrical play or any type of knife play.”
Electrical play, knife play, yikes , thought Jenni. S ome of this might be too much for me . She decided to wait and ask about that later.
“In those cases the dom needs to be sober because he has the safety of the submissive in his hands and the submissive must be sober because she has to be able to answer honestly about what is happening and to use her safe word if needed. Also if you’re a dom and at a public party and you will be playing with someone who is not your regular partner, then I think you should be sober because you do not know the person and you need all your senses to protect the person while playing with them.”
Jenni pondered those last comments. “So you have played at public parties, with submissives you didn’t know?”
“Not often, but yes, I’ve gone to parties when I didn’t have a submissive partner and played with others.”
Jenni contemplated asking more about public parties but decided to wait on that too as she had another more pressing question. “So what is all the fuss about who is a ‘slave?’ I saw online chats where people got really angry about that.”
Charles let out a sigh, “Yeah, it’s amazing how much energy people put into questions like that, and a lot of them are online people who have never even done BDSM in real life.”
“So not all submissives are slaves?”
“No, many are not what would be defined as slaves, just submissives. There is
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