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Authors: R.T. Jordan
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story. Yes, the maid claims to have seen everything. Of course, Lisa swears that Thane was already dead when she arrived at his house.”
“Blaming it on someone else is to be expected,” Placenta interjected.
“Lisa claims that she was just about to dial 911, but then Ophelia—that’s the name of the maid—came upon the scene and locked Lisa in the bedroom with the body.”
“Quick thinking,” Tim said. “She could have been next on Lisa’s hit list. How do the police know so much already?”
“Apparently, when the paramedics revived her—oh yeah, Lisa fainted when she couldn’t escape—she confessed to everything.”
“Everything but the murder,” Tim reminded her.
“Everything but,” Polly agreed. “Affairs lead to people getting hurt. God knows I wanted to kill your fathers often enough. It’s not a stretch to pin the crime on a jealous ex-lover. Lisa’s el-cheapo drugstore lipstick was not only on the bedsheets, but on the corpse, too. She knew the security code to Thane’s house. And, best of all, her fingerprints were on the handle of the knife that she just happened to be clutching in her dainty little hands when she regained consciousness. In fact, her prints are everywhere throughout the house.”
“That’s a relief,” Tim said. “You finally land another job, of course a dead body pops up, but this time you don’t have to get involved because they nabbed the killer right away. End of story. Now you can concentrate on the show and have some fun. Plus, no more Thane to contend with.”
Placenta muttered, “No Thane, no pain.” Then she asked, “Who will they hire on such short notice to replace him on the judges’ panel?”
“Richard’s taking over,” Polly said.
“Aha!” Tim pronounced. “Richard killed Thane in order to take his place on the show! Get it?
I’ll Do Anything to Become Famous!”
Placenta nodded. “He’s certainly good looking enough to be on television.”
“That’s the silliest notion you’ve had since begging me to adopt Justin Timberlake,” Polly said.
“I’ll Do Anything to Become Famous
is Richard’s baby. Daddies don’t eat their young. Generally speaking.”
“Perhaps after the first week’s dismal ratings heneeded a surefire publicity-grabbing headline. As a result of the news you’ll have a larger audience and bigger ratings next week for sure,” Placenta said.
Polly stood up and wandered over to the bar. “Anyone for
sevenths?”
she asked before opening a bottle of champagne on her own.
Tim and Placenta exchanged a quizzical look. “Polly, I’ll do that,” Placenta said. “I was joking about the dead guy being a publicity magnet for a larger share of the ratings. You’re the only star for whom people tune in.”
Tim added, “Mother, I think it’s time for your
boob-blee
bath. You’re in shock or something.”
Polly turned around. “I wonder if Ped-Xing has an alibi.”
Tim shrugged. “Why would he need one? There’s a witness who saw Lisa kill Thane.”
“How many times have I said, in Hollywood, nothing is ever as it appears to be?” Polly complained. “Don’t forget that little matter of Ped-Xing’s threat against me. What if he realized that Thane would be a bigger prize after all?”
Tim and Placenta stood up while Polly slowly sipped her champagne. “Don’t make this into something it isn’t,” Tim begged. “If Ped-Xing or any of the other contestants had anything to do with this, they would have been boasting from coast to coast because it would mean that they really were willing to do the ultimate ‘anything’ to win fame. Please, Mother, for once, accept the facts and leave well enough alone.”
“We don’t necessarily have facts, we have allegations,” Polly said.
“The police have the killer. Her name is Lisa Marrs. That’s that,” Placenta argued. “Now, I’m going to draw your bath. You’ll soak until I call you down for dinner. Is that clear?”
Placenta hustled up the
“Blaming it on someone else is to be expected,” Placenta interjected.
“Lisa claims that she was just about to dial 911, but then Ophelia—that’s the name of the maid—came upon the scene and locked Lisa in the bedroom with the body.”
“Quick thinking,” Tim said. “She could have been next on Lisa’s hit list. How do the police know so much already?”
“Apparently, when the paramedics revived her—oh yeah, Lisa fainted when she couldn’t escape—she confessed to everything.”
“Everything but the murder,” Tim reminded her.
“Everything but,” Polly agreed. “Affairs lead to people getting hurt. God knows I wanted to kill your fathers often enough. It’s not a stretch to pin the crime on a jealous ex-lover. Lisa’s el-cheapo drugstore lipstick was not only on the bedsheets, but on the corpse, too. She knew the security code to Thane’s house. And, best of all, her fingerprints were on the handle of the knife that she just happened to be clutching in her dainty little hands when she regained consciousness. In fact, her prints are everywhere throughout the house.”
“That’s a relief,” Tim said. “You finally land another job, of course a dead body pops up, but this time you don’t have to get involved because they nabbed the killer right away. End of story. Now you can concentrate on the show and have some fun. Plus, no more Thane to contend with.”
Placenta muttered, “No Thane, no pain.” Then she asked, “Who will they hire on such short notice to replace him on the judges’ panel?”
“Richard’s taking over,” Polly said.
“Aha!” Tim pronounced. “Richard killed Thane in order to take his place on the show! Get it?
I’ll Do Anything to Become Famous!”
Placenta nodded. “He’s certainly good looking enough to be on television.”
“That’s the silliest notion you’ve had since begging me to adopt Justin Timberlake,” Polly said.
“I’ll Do Anything to Become Famous
is Richard’s baby. Daddies don’t eat their young. Generally speaking.”
“Perhaps after the first week’s dismal ratings heneeded a surefire publicity-grabbing headline. As a result of the news you’ll have a larger audience and bigger ratings next week for sure,” Placenta said.
Polly stood up and wandered over to the bar. “Anyone for
sevenths?”
she asked before opening a bottle of champagne on her own.
Tim and Placenta exchanged a quizzical look. “Polly, I’ll do that,” Placenta said. “I was joking about the dead guy being a publicity magnet for a larger share of the ratings. You’re the only star for whom people tune in.”
Tim added, “Mother, I think it’s time for your
boob-blee
bath. You’re in shock or something.”
Polly turned around. “I wonder if Ped-Xing has an alibi.”
Tim shrugged. “Why would he need one? There’s a witness who saw Lisa kill Thane.”
“How many times have I said, in Hollywood, nothing is ever as it appears to be?” Polly complained. “Don’t forget that little matter of Ped-Xing’s threat against me. What if he realized that Thane would be a bigger prize after all?”
Tim and Placenta stood up while Polly slowly sipped her champagne. “Don’t make this into something it isn’t,” Tim begged. “If Ped-Xing or any of the other contestants had anything to do with this, they would have been boasting from coast to coast because it would mean that they really were willing to do the ultimate ‘anything’ to win fame. Please, Mother, for once, accept the facts and leave well enough alone.”
“We don’t necessarily have facts, we have allegations,” Polly said.
“The police have the killer. Her name is Lisa Marrs. That’s that,” Placenta argued. “Now, I’m going to draw your bath. You’ll soak until I call you down for dinner. Is that clear?”
Placenta hustled up the
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