down his knife and fork to pour coffee and add sugar to it.
‘Should I pass you the cream?’ she asked.
‘No, thank you, I became used to going without it on board ship.’
‘Don’t most captains take a cow with them on long voyages?’ she asked and he wondered if she’d studied the life of a sea captain because her lover often lived that life without her. The shock of pure venomous jealousy at the very idea of her pining for her loverbrought him up short and made him glare at his own hand stirring his coffee as if it had mortally offended him.
‘Sometimes there isn’t enough room for luxuries,’ he managed fairly normally.
‘Oh, yes, merchantmen are carefully designed to make use of every available inch of space for cargo, are they not?’ she replied, setting off that demon of envy in him once more and making him even more silently furious with himself.
‘Men-of-war are just as niggardly with every spare inch they can gain, having a goodly quantity of ammunition and unstable gunpowder to stow, as well as a vastly greater crew to accommodate,’ he explained.
‘It must be strange for you to go to sea as captain of a merchantman after commanding in the Royal Navy,’ she mused, blasting his attempt at replacing the general with the personal out of the water. He sighed as he lay back in his chair to sip his coffee and met her eyes warily.
‘I never said I’d been a navy man,’ he argued, almost groaning aloud at the defensiveness in his voice. It was still a wound he hated to have probed, which seemed foolish in the extreme compared to everything else he’d lost.
‘How else to account for the naval officer’s sword in the larder, I wonder?’ she said with a pretence at scratching her head. ‘Was Coste a dashing captain at Trafalgar, I wonder? Or perhaps he’s really an admiral on half-pay, when not pretending to be Kit’s hall porter and supposed watchman? No, I think the sword must be yours, Captain. I doubt Coste rose above able seaman in his entire career at sea and neither Kit nor Ben have served in the Royal Navy.’
‘It’s not so very different,’ he admitted because it was easier than arguing. ‘The sea can only be read or even guessed at by good navigation and a weather eye on her contrary moods. It’s still my job to decide if it’s wiser to sail before the wind or ride out a storm in safe anchorage. And at least I have a sound, fast ship that isn’t an easy target for any enterprising French frigate captain, eager to build a fine and romantic reputation as a triumphant sea wolf.’
‘And did you once roam the seas looking for such prey yourself?’
‘Of course, that’s what the Admiralty expects of flag officers not on blockade.’
‘And were you good at it?’
‘Naval captains must prove worthy of theirrank if they expect to stay at sea,’ he said carefully.
‘And some do so more easily than others, I dare say,’ she said blandly, so why didn’t he trust her smile?
‘Perhaps,’ he replied tersely.
‘And you were one of them,’ she said and he cursed himself for giving her a clue if she ever wanted to track him down.
At least the Admiralty hadn’t ordered the breaking of the sword now resting in Kit’s larder, or his speedy expulsion from the Service. He almost wished they had, so it couldn’t follow him like a symbol of all he no longer was, but couldn’t quite discard.
‘Don’t bother visiting the Admiralty to find out how and when they lost or mislaid one of their junior officers, will you? Their lordships don’t encourage idle curiosity.’
‘Who says it would be idle? And you’re very defensive about a career you pretend not to care a fig for, Captain Darke,’ she said shrewdly.
‘Perhaps I hate having my life picked over for the amusement of others?’
‘And I don’t have time or inclination for idle gossip, Captain Darke.’
‘Then you must be the most unusual female I have ever met.’
‘Please don’t think me artless enough to
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