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the ants and tried to persuade her to come out, but she refused to answer his pleas and gentle inquiries. She made no sound at all. Lowell began to worry. He wondered if people made any noise when they slit their wrists. He knew they didn’t make any noise afterward, and that was exactly what his wife was doing: not making any noise. Was there any lethal substance in the medicine chest? He didn’t think so, unless it was possible to kill yourself with a couple of dozen aspirin, but on the other hand, he’d never really thought about it. He considered going around to the side of the house and looking in the bathroom window, but he was afraid someone would see him; he imagined himself trying to explain to somebody, such as a policeman, that he was only looking in the bathroom window because he wanted to see what his wife was doing. He’d never get it right, and he doubted if anyone would understand him anyway.
    She was still in the bathroom when he left the house, but by then he’d worried so much that he’d gotten angry and self-righteous, and he didn’t care. She was in bed when he got home. He didn’t wake her up. The following morning he’d forgotten the whole thing. He hated quarrels and was very good at putting them out of his mind, especially after a good night’s sleep.
    â€œWhen do we start?” asked his wife tersely as she loaded the ancient toaster that had come with the house. She was wearing her bathrobe. It always made her look old, and Lowell hated it.
    â€œStart what?” he asked. He was afraid she meant their quarrel. It already seemed as though it had happened in a different world.
    â€œFor New York,” she said. “We have to make plans.”
    â€œNonsense,” said Lowell. “We’re going to Berkeley. Let’s forget the whole thing.”
    â€œI thought you said we were going to New York. You
did
say that, didn’t you?”
    â€œWell, yes, but...”
    â€œWhy did you say we were going to New York if we’re not? Don’t let me force you into going to Berkeley. God forbid we should go to Berkeley if your heart is set on New York. Pay no attention to anything I say. You’ll never forgive me if you let me talk you out of it. Eat your breakfast.”
    â€œI am eating my breakfast,” said Lowell. He remembered her crack about how he sat in a weak way, and he straightened up and carried a bite of food purposefully to his mouth.
    â€œWhat do you mean, we’re not going to New York?” his wife suddenly demanded after they had both chewed for a while. “It was nothing but one of your little jokes, is that what you’re trying to tell me? Ho, ho. Well, you just try sitting on the edge of a bathtub for half an hour and see how you like it. If you’d been half a man, you would have kicked the goddamn door down, but not you, no sir, it was only a joke and we’re not going to New York after all. What a laugh.”
    â€œIt wasn’t a joke,” said Lowell, hoping that he’d chosen a good reply. It was a little early for him, and he was kind of bewildered, although he was definitely aware that something was expected of him. He wished he knew what it was.
    â€œLet me know when you make up your mind,” said his wife. “They’re only three thousand miles apart, and it should be easy to choose between them. I knew all along that you’d back down. They say that girls always marry their fathers, and I sure did.”
    â€œWait a minute,” said Lowell. “What do you mean, back down?”
    â€œMy lips are sealed.”
    â€œI remember now. You think I’m a hick.”
    â€œWhen you make up your mind, just holler.”
    â€œYou think the reason I don’t want to go to New York is because I’m afraid to. I remember now. It all comes back to me.” He was terribly hungry, and there was a full meal right in front of him, toast and sausages and