Read Online A Match Made in High School by Kristin Walker - Free Book Online
Authors: Kristin Walker
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had seconds before the lights went back out. Mar got to Amanda first and started pointing to her face—distracting her with makeup talk, I assumed. Next, Johnny strode just in front of me. He circled to the right, turned, and “accidentally” ran into Todd from behind. Todd fell forward. Johnny caught him but continued to bump and fumble, apologizing profusely. As Todd was bent over, I casually walked up to him, pulled our secret weapon from the plastic bag in my hoodie pocket, and slapped it on the ass of his khakis. With all Johnny’s bumping and fumbling, Todd hadn’t felt it. Only when he stood up and Amanda shrieked did Todd realize he was wearing an adult diaper filled with chocolate pudding, axle grease, and taco meat. The sticky-tabs helped, but the axle grease really made it stick.
“WHAT THE HELL?” he yelled. He wheeled around and saw me.
I crossed my arms and smiled. “Oh, poor baby,” I said.
“Did Mommy forget to change your diaper?”
Todd peeled the diaper off his butt and made the fatal mistake of holding it up. Callie Brooks screamed like it was the severed head of her deity, Martha Stewart. Everyone around us turned and stared. Amanda heaved, covered her mouth, and went running off in the direction of the bathroom. 64 Kristin Walker
“Holy . . . What the . . . ? Oh, you are so dead, PRINCESS
PISSPANTS,” Todd said. Loudly. So everyone would hear the name.
Except I had a name for him, too. I’d gotten the idea from Principal Miller, in fact. I took a deep breath and said, “So glad you like it, SEÑOR SHITSLACKS.”
A few people started laughing. A couple more joined in. Then someone yelled, “ Hola , Señor Shitslacks!” and everyone burst into hysterics.
Then Todd Harding looked at me with an expression on his face that totally threw me. I’d thought he’d be scowling. Furious. But he wasn’t. He was smiling. And there was something in his eyes. At first, I thought it must be malice. It had to be hate, right? But I swear to God, as he held my stare, I realized.
It was admiration. He’d thought it was cool.
My mind zoomed. Was he yanking my chain? Trying to lure me in with his phony charm, only to set me up again?
I stood there like a robot with an electrical short. I think I actually twitched. Suddenly Principal Miller—who either had missed the whole prank or had decided not to notice it—was on the microphone again.
“Come on, turn those lights off! Find your partners and hit the dance floor! GET DOWN AND PAR-TAY!”
Todd glanced at Principal Miller and mumbled, “She’s totally loaded.” And I—I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help myself—I laughed. Todd said, “I’m not dancing with you, Princess Pisspants.”
CHAPTER 7
65
I said, “I’m not dancing with you, Señor Shitslacks. Your ass stinks like chocolate tacos.”
Todd looked at me, looked at Johnny, shook his head, and walked bowlegged toward the bathrooms, holding the diaper away from himself. When he passed Callie Brooks, he thrust it at her face and she screamed again. What a wuss. The lights went down and the music came back on. Johnny clapped three times. “That was awesome!”
Marcie came over. “Well, Fee, feel better now? You know, you’ve got a seriously evil streak, girl.”
Evil streak? Me? I’d never considered myself evil before. Was an evil streak something I should be proud of? I should have been proud that I’d humiliated Todd just like he humiliated me. I should’ve been proud that we’d executed the plan without a hitch. I should’ve been thrilled that everyone saw that I was the one responsible.
But weirdly enough, I was something less than ecstatic.
“Yeah, it was cool. You guys were great. Thanks for helping me out.” I high-fived both of them.
“That’s what we’re here for, Fee,” Mar said.
“Yup. Nothing says friendship like, sweet, sweet revenge,”
Johnny said.
I tried to laugh at Johnny’s joke, but truth be told, Todd’s whole admiration reaction had
“WHAT THE HELL?” he yelled. He wheeled around and saw me.
I crossed my arms and smiled. “Oh, poor baby,” I said.
“Did Mommy forget to change your diaper?”
Todd peeled the diaper off his butt and made the fatal mistake of holding it up. Callie Brooks screamed like it was the severed head of her deity, Martha Stewart. Everyone around us turned and stared. Amanda heaved, covered her mouth, and went running off in the direction of the bathroom. 64 Kristin Walker
“Holy . . . What the . . . ? Oh, you are so dead, PRINCESS
PISSPANTS,” Todd said. Loudly. So everyone would hear the name.
Except I had a name for him, too. I’d gotten the idea from Principal Miller, in fact. I took a deep breath and said, “So glad you like it, SEÑOR SHITSLACKS.”
A few people started laughing. A couple more joined in. Then someone yelled, “ Hola , Señor Shitslacks!” and everyone burst into hysterics.
Then Todd Harding looked at me with an expression on his face that totally threw me. I’d thought he’d be scowling. Furious. But he wasn’t. He was smiling. And there was something in his eyes. At first, I thought it must be malice. It had to be hate, right? But I swear to God, as he held my stare, I realized.
It was admiration. He’d thought it was cool.
My mind zoomed. Was he yanking my chain? Trying to lure me in with his phony charm, only to set me up again?
I stood there like a robot with an electrical short. I think I actually twitched. Suddenly Principal Miller—who either had missed the whole prank or had decided not to notice it—was on the microphone again.
“Come on, turn those lights off! Find your partners and hit the dance floor! GET DOWN AND PAR-TAY!”
Todd glanced at Principal Miller and mumbled, “She’s totally loaded.” And I—I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help myself—I laughed. Todd said, “I’m not dancing with you, Princess Pisspants.”
CHAPTER 7
65
I said, “I’m not dancing with you, Señor Shitslacks. Your ass stinks like chocolate tacos.”
Todd looked at me, looked at Johnny, shook his head, and walked bowlegged toward the bathrooms, holding the diaper away from himself. When he passed Callie Brooks, he thrust it at her face and she screamed again. What a wuss. The lights went down and the music came back on. Johnny clapped three times. “That was awesome!”
Marcie came over. “Well, Fee, feel better now? You know, you’ve got a seriously evil streak, girl.”
Evil streak? Me? I’d never considered myself evil before. Was an evil streak something I should be proud of? I should have been proud that I’d humiliated Todd just like he humiliated me. I should’ve been proud that we’d executed the plan without a hitch. I should’ve been thrilled that everyone saw that I was the one responsible.
But weirdly enough, I was something less than ecstatic.
“Yeah, it was cool. You guys were great. Thanks for helping me out.” I high-fived both of them.
“That’s what we’re here for, Fee,” Mar said.
“Yup. Nothing says friendship like, sweet, sweet revenge,”
Johnny said.
I tried to laugh at Johnny’s joke, but truth be told, Todd’s whole admiration reaction had
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