Read Online A Little Death by Laura Wilson - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Laura Wilson
Ads: Link
back,’ hoping she’d run into William, of course. Well, there wasn’t any room, so off she went.
I wasn’t going to give up the chance of a rest, so I was standing there with my eyes shut and my hands in the water, when I heard William come in. I had my back to the kitchen door, but I still knew who it was. I wasn’t going to look round, not for anything, so I grabbed hold of this big porcelain thing and starting washing it; it only needed a splash of water, but I was going at it so hard I must have come close to rubbing off the colour. I could
feel
him standing there behind me. I thought: What’s the matter, why doesn’t he say something? But he never spoke, he just came right beside me and leaned up against the draining board. He was next to me, looking straight at me in complete silence. I can remember it as if it was yesterday—probably better than yesterday, my memory nowadays—but I can tell you this: in all my life I’ve never felt so uncomfortable as I did at that moment.
To be honest, I was scared to move. I had this great heavy ornament in my hands, for all I knew it was worth hundreds of pounds, even one chip against the stone sink would ruin it. I wasn’t going to move towards him, but there were all those wasps on the other side of me, so I didn’t know what to do. Still he never said anything, but then I felt his hand come out and touch the back of my neck and the shock of it made me give a little jump. Oh! like that. I didn’t know if I liked it or not, all I could think was, whatever he does, I must not drop this vase. If I hadn’t been so silly I’d have let it down gently, but I was flustered, I got sort of fixed on it, if you know what I mean. Then William kissed the back of my neck, just under my hair.
I thought my wrists were going to snap. The onlything in my mind was, I’ve got to put this vase down if it’s the last thing I do. I said to him, ‘Excuse me,’ but it came out like a whisper.
He said, ‘You’ll have to do better than that,’ so I tried again, but it didn’t come out no better. Then, quick as a flash, he had the vase out of my hands, put it down on the side and gave me a kiss, a real kiss, on the mouth, with his arms round, the lot. Well, I just stood there, I didn’t kiss him back, didn’t know how to. The first time I saw them do that at the pictures, he bent her right back, they had all the music and everything, and I noticed, oh look, she’s got her eyes closed. I thought, well, I got that wrong, I never had mine closed. Because I was staring at all the wooden racks for the plates to dry on, that were behind William’s head, I remember that.
Then we heard Ellen in the corridor, so he let go of me and shot out the back and off down the yard. Ellen said, ‘I never saw William, did he come in here?’ I just stared at her like I was feeble-minded. ‘Ada, close your mouth, you’ll catch a fly.’
William gave me more than one kiss when no one was about, after that. It was amazing we got away with it, considering how they treated us. If anyone had seen, they’d have said I was leading him on—well, I wasn’t exactly trying hard to stop him, was I? No more than what’s normal, anyway. I should think they’d sooner have shot all us girls than let the menservants come up to our rooms. But I never invited him, don’t think I did that.
I’d only gone up to my room in the first place because I felt sick from something I ate. In that weather, food goes rotten as soon as you look at it, especially meat—it was the middle of the afternoon, but Mrs. Mattie told me to go and lie down: ‘You might as well, you’re not doing us any good down here.’ To this day I don’t knowhow William knew where I was—or how he had the nerve, come to that—and I certainly don’t know how he found out which was my room and Ellen’s, but he did. It did cross my mind afterwards that he might have been up there before, not for Ellen, but for somebody else, I mean, I
I wasn’t going to give up the chance of a rest, so I was standing there with my eyes shut and my hands in the water, when I heard William come in. I had my back to the kitchen door, but I still knew who it was. I wasn’t going to look round, not for anything, so I grabbed hold of this big porcelain thing and starting washing it; it only needed a splash of water, but I was going at it so hard I must have come close to rubbing off the colour. I could
feel
him standing there behind me. I thought: What’s the matter, why doesn’t he say something? But he never spoke, he just came right beside me and leaned up against the draining board. He was next to me, looking straight at me in complete silence. I can remember it as if it was yesterday—probably better than yesterday, my memory nowadays—but I can tell you this: in all my life I’ve never felt so uncomfortable as I did at that moment.
To be honest, I was scared to move. I had this great heavy ornament in my hands, for all I knew it was worth hundreds of pounds, even one chip against the stone sink would ruin it. I wasn’t going to move towards him, but there were all those wasps on the other side of me, so I didn’t know what to do. Still he never said anything, but then I felt his hand come out and touch the back of my neck and the shock of it made me give a little jump. Oh! like that. I didn’t know if I liked it or not, all I could think was, whatever he does, I must not drop this vase. If I hadn’t been so silly I’d have let it down gently, but I was flustered, I got sort of fixed on it, if you know what I mean. Then William kissed the back of my neck, just under my hair.
I thought my wrists were going to snap. The onlything in my mind was, I’ve got to put this vase down if it’s the last thing I do. I said to him, ‘Excuse me,’ but it came out like a whisper.
He said, ‘You’ll have to do better than that,’ so I tried again, but it didn’t come out no better. Then, quick as a flash, he had the vase out of my hands, put it down on the side and gave me a kiss, a real kiss, on the mouth, with his arms round, the lot. Well, I just stood there, I didn’t kiss him back, didn’t know how to. The first time I saw them do that at the pictures, he bent her right back, they had all the music and everything, and I noticed, oh look, she’s got her eyes closed. I thought, well, I got that wrong, I never had mine closed. Because I was staring at all the wooden racks for the plates to dry on, that were behind William’s head, I remember that.
Then we heard Ellen in the corridor, so he let go of me and shot out the back and off down the yard. Ellen said, ‘I never saw William, did he come in here?’ I just stared at her like I was feeble-minded. ‘Ada, close your mouth, you’ll catch a fly.’
William gave me more than one kiss when no one was about, after that. It was amazing we got away with it, considering how they treated us. If anyone had seen, they’d have said I was leading him on—well, I wasn’t exactly trying hard to stop him, was I? No more than what’s normal, anyway. I should think they’d sooner have shot all us girls than let the menservants come up to our rooms. But I never invited him, don’t think I did that.
I’d only gone up to my room in the first place because I felt sick from something I ate. In that weather, food goes rotten as soon as you look at it, especially meat—it was the middle of the afternoon, but Mrs. Mattie told me to go and lie down: ‘You might as well, you’re not doing us any good down here.’ To this day I don’t knowhow William knew where I was—or how he had the nerve, come to that—and I certainly don’t know how he found out which was my room and Ellen’s, but he did. It did cross my mind afterwards that he might have been up there before, not for Ellen, but for somebody else, I mean, I
Similar Books
