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something bad to happen.’
    I winced, but Kate didn’t see. ‘That’s not veryoptimistic, is it? I thought you were all about the rainbows and pandas and happy things?’
    ‘I’m serious!’ A gentle elbow to my chest, grazing the bandages under my shirt.
    ‘I’m sorry. I’m listening … honestly.’ In actual fact I wanted to divert this conversation away from where it was heading. But Kate clearly wanted to say something. Most girls are like that – always wanting to talk about their feelings. I’ve always preferred to keep my feelings to myself, well away from public view. It’s safer that way.
    Kate sighed. ‘I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I like how things are going with us. I mean, I know it’s early days.
Really
early days. But this feels like something … real.’
    I closed my eyes.
Real
. It did feel like something real, and it
was
something real.
    I nearly told her right then. And I think maybe I would have if we hadn’t been in the middle of a jam-packed coffee house. It seemed like she was waiting for me to say something – almost like she knew and was giving me a chance to tell her the truth. But she
didn’t
know; she was waiting for me to say something else – something reassuring.
    ‘It
is
real.’
    ‘Promise?’ Her voice was small and vulnerable.
    ‘Promise.’ I didn’t feel good saying that word, but it was what Kate needed to hear.
    She sat up and sort of shook herself like a dog in the rain. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all intense. I suppose I can be a little … um … thinky sometimes. That’s OK, isn’t it?’
    ‘A little thinky is just fine with me.’
    ‘So you don’t think I’m a total weirdo?’
    I paused and furrowed my brow. ‘Not a
total
weirdo, no.’
    She gave me a fake withering look. ‘Thanks for that.’
    I knew I needed to say something serious then. Something meaningful. It was all very well teasing her and trying to act too cool for school, but Kate deserved more. I took her hand in mine. Her fingers were longer than mine. I traced my finger around the silver band on her ring finger. ‘I like you, Kate.’ That wasn’t very meaningful so I tried again. ‘I’ve never met anyone like you before. I’m … I’m really glad you’re in my life.’ That wasn’t particularly great either but it was the best she was going to get.
    Kate’s eyes widened and her face lit up and I knew that by some miracle I’d said the right thing. That was definitely one way that being a boy was easier than being a girl. You don’t have to make big poetic declarationsabout your feelings. Pretty much anything you do say is a bonus, since the most people expect you to do is grunt and turn your attention back to Call of Duty or Halo or whatever. When expectations are so low, anything more than that is a bonus.
    Kate kissed me on the lips. ‘I like you too, Alex.’
    The happiness was almost too much to bear.

chapter twelve
    I didn’t see Kate for a whole week after that. It was half term and she went away on holiday with her mum. We weren’t even able to text that much – it was too expensive. I usually love half term – a temporary reprieve from school – but I felt lost without Kate to talk to. Not that we ever actually
talked
when we were apart. I hate talking on the phone – it’s a bit of a phobia of mine. For one thing, I hate my voice. It doesn’t sound anything like I’d expect me to sound like. Plus I always get tongue-tied, no matter who I’m talking to. There’s something about a phone call that seems like a trap to me – as if whoever’s on the end of the phone is waiting to catch me out in some way. I think maybe Kate felt the same way, because she never tried to call me. Or maybe it was something to do with the fact that our relationship started that way, so it seemed like the best way for it to continue.
    Normally I’d be up at Bristo Square, but I hadn’t heard from Jonni or Fitz for a couple of weeks, and I wasn’t going to