Read Online A House of Cards: Deconstructing Ethan by J. P. Barnaby - Free Book Online
Authors: J. P. Barnaby
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connect it – I could be free. I called my father and explained my epiphany. Surprisingly, he agreed with me and emailed me the contact information of our family attorney, who could handle the paperwork. Pulling over, I called the attorney and he took me through the process, assuring me that when I reached Washington, he would fly out and accompany me to the local courthouse to file the paperwork. I felt … relieved, light-hearted, as I reached the Washington border. All I had to do was decide on a name.
There were names all around me, but nothing that felt right. I was going to have to be this person, this name – I wanted it to be something that I could live with. Finally, I gave up on the big advertisements. I didn’t want to go with a more popular name, it would raise questions. I started looking at street signs.
Lake St. – Ethan Lake?
Birch Ave. – Ethan Birch?
Clark St. – Ethan Clark?
Bryant Dr. – Ethan Bryant?
I liked that one. Ethan Bryant. It didn’t sound like I took it off of a street sign. It sounded normal.
The dorms weren’t accepting students until Monday, so I checked into a hotel near campus. I called our lawyer and let him know what I had decided. He said he already had a flight booked and would be there that afternoon. I was surprised, but as he said, it needed to be done and the change filed with the school before anyone even heard the name Hughes. If anyone was able to connect Hughes with Bryant, the change would be in vain. Even though he argued about it, I picked him up from the airport and we made our way first to the courthouse and then to the college. He had insisted on helping me with the school administration, which turned out to be a very good thing. They didn’t think it was appropriate for a teenage boy to change his name without his parents. The woman obviously didn’t recognize the name Hughes. Finally we were ushered in to speak to the Dean of Students where the attorney explained the situation to the Dean while I stood staring blankly out of the window.
In the end, the Dean was sympathetic to my plight and erased all mention of Ethan Hughes in their computer system, replacing it with Ethan Bryant. I don’t think it even occurred to him that the change wouldn’t be effective for at least a week, when I had to go before the judge. Locking my application securely in his office, he also switched my roommate because they would have seen my name before it was changed. Doing everything he could to hide my identity gave me the impression that, for whatever reason, he understood my need for normalcy.
When the first semester started, I was thrilled that I seemed to fade into the background. I kept my head down in class, I sat alone on an open bench outside at lunch and I even managed to get a roommate who kept to himself. For the first few months, everything was fine. But then I started to notice groups of people hanging around together, couples holding hands while walking across campus. I was surrounded by people, but I felt so isolated. I didn’t engage anyone because I figured I didn’t have anything to offer. Why would they want to hang out with a guy who was just an empty shell? Instead, I threw myself into my classes and I excelled.
It wasn’t until my third year that things started to change for me. One of my new suitemates, Gary, was outgoing and charismatic. Surrounded by an air of confidence, he made friends easily, especially female friends. Although he never brought them back to the suite, he talked about them so frequently that I thought maybe he was overstating things until he offered to hook me up with one of his friends. At twenty-one, I felt like the only virgin on campus. Both of my suitemates had thought it was a joke when it came up, until I blushed and assured them that it wasn’t. Gary set me up with Jennifer because he said she was a “sure thing.” I was pretty sure that meant sex…
Gary arranged to stay with a frat buddy that night “just in
There were names all around me, but nothing that felt right. I was going to have to be this person, this name – I wanted it to be something that I could live with. Finally, I gave up on the big advertisements. I didn’t want to go with a more popular name, it would raise questions. I started looking at street signs.
Lake St. – Ethan Lake?
Birch Ave. – Ethan Birch?
Clark St. – Ethan Clark?
Bryant Dr. – Ethan Bryant?
I liked that one. Ethan Bryant. It didn’t sound like I took it off of a street sign. It sounded normal.
The dorms weren’t accepting students until Monday, so I checked into a hotel near campus. I called our lawyer and let him know what I had decided. He said he already had a flight booked and would be there that afternoon. I was surprised, but as he said, it needed to be done and the change filed with the school before anyone even heard the name Hughes. If anyone was able to connect Hughes with Bryant, the change would be in vain. Even though he argued about it, I picked him up from the airport and we made our way first to the courthouse and then to the college. He had insisted on helping me with the school administration, which turned out to be a very good thing. They didn’t think it was appropriate for a teenage boy to change his name without his parents. The woman obviously didn’t recognize the name Hughes. Finally we were ushered in to speak to the Dean of Students where the attorney explained the situation to the Dean while I stood staring blankly out of the window.
In the end, the Dean was sympathetic to my plight and erased all mention of Ethan Hughes in their computer system, replacing it with Ethan Bryant. I don’t think it even occurred to him that the change wouldn’t be effective for at least a week, when I had to go before the judge. Locking my application securely in his office, he also switched my roommate because they would have seen my name before it was changed. Doing everything he could to hide my identity gave me the impression that, for whatever reason, he understood my need for normalcy.
When the first semester started, I was thrilled that I seemed to fade into the background. I kept my head down in class, I sat alone on an open bench outside at lunch and I even managed to get a roommate who kept to himself. For the first few months, everything was fine. But then I started to notice groups of people hanging around together, couples holding hands while walking across campus. I was surrounded by people, but I felt so isolated. I didn’t engage anyone because I figured I didn’t have anything to offer. Why would they want to hang out with a guy who was just an empty shell? Instead, I threw myself into my classes and I excelled.
It wasn’t until my third year that things started to change for me. One of my new suitemates, Gary, was outgoing and charismatic. Surrounded by an air of confidence, he made friends easily, especially female friends. Although he never brought them back to the suite, he talked about them so frequently that I thought maybe he was overstating things until he offered to hook me up with one of his friends. At twenty-one, I felt like the only virgin on campus. Both of my suitemates had thought it was a joke when it came up, until I blushed and assured them that it wasn’t. Gary set me up with Jennifer because he said she was a “sure thing.” I was pretty sure that meant sex…
Gary arranged to stay with a frat buddy that night “just in
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