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Authors: Marilyn Yalom
Tags: Family & Relationships, Social Science, History, womens studies, Marriage, Marriage & Long Term Relationships, Civilization
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otherwise. The wife had to be disposed of as well. It is noteworthy that the husband held back “out of affection for his wife.” His wife’s adul- tery had not destroyed his feelings for her, no matter what the law decreed.
Mutual affection in Roman marriages was considered highly desir- able. The ideal of close ties between spouses, even to the point of joint
exile or joint suicide, were part of a Roman Stoic tradition. But public displays of affection were frowned upon. In one notable case, a senator was expelled from the Senate for kissing his wife in front of their daughter. While considering this punishment “perhaps somewhat extreme,” Plutarch, who recorded the incident, hastened to add that “it is disgraceful... to kiss and embrace in the presence of others.” 34
Any excessive emotion was suspect. Older men deemed too indul- gent toward their younger wives could become objects of ridicule. Pompey (106–48 B . C . E .) was famous for what was considered exagger- ated sentiment toward his last two wives. He married his fourth wife, Julia, Julius Caesar’s daughter, to advance his career, which did not pre- vent him from falling in love with her—he at forty-six and she exactly half his age. In the reproachful words of Plutarch: “he let his fondness for his young wife seduce him into effeminate habits.” 35 She, too, it appears, was enamored of him, but their mutual rapture was cut short by her early death in childbirth. Inconsolable as he was, Pompey soon made another political marriage, this time with the widow Cornelia. It did not take him long to become thoroughly captivated by that highly cultured lady, whose attractions beside those of youth and beauty included her knowledge of geometry, philosophy, and the lute.
When Cornelia and Pompey were married in 52 B . C . E ., wives of the Roman aristocracy enjoyed responsibilities and pleasures that would have been unthinkable in ancient Greece. They could hold on to prop- erty received from their original families and become very wealthy in their own right. Their dowries, administered by their husbands, would be returned to them in the event of divorce. They had access to private education and could attend public events, such as banquets, salons, and spectacles. Whether these events consisted of readings by poets, dances by naked girls, or sexual orgies, marriage did not prevent women from being present and participating fully. 36
Wives from the upper class moved about outside their homes with considerable independence since their domestic duties, including breast-feeding, could be turned over to nurses, servants, and slaves. It was so uncommon for upper-class women to nurse their babies during this period that Tacitus (56–120 C . E .), among others, chided the wives of imperial Rome for no longer suckling their offspring, and attributed the lack of civic virtue among the young to their lack of mother’s milk. 37 Roman wives were full mistresses of their homes and “keepers of the
keys,” with one notable exception. Husbands held the keys to the wine cellar, since their wives were not allowed to drink wine. That interdic- tion was founded in age-old fears that an intoxicated wife would not be able to remain “pure.”
If a husband was sent into battle or exile, a Roman wife had to be ready to take over his affairs. Then she usually stayed behind in Rome and looked after the family property. 38 She was expected to share her husband’s public glory and his personal misfortunes. In her short, four- year marriage to Pompey, Cornelia had an equal measure of both. In the end, during the civil war, she followed Pompey’s flight away from Rome and was witness to his murder when he landed in Egypt after a major military defeat.
The most famous couple of this era was Antony and Cleopatra. Their story, already legendary in their lifetime, has fed the Western imagina- tion for over two millennia. Shakespeare, Shaw, and Cecil B. DeMille are among the
Mutual affection in Roman marriages was considered highly desir- able. The ideal of close ties between spouses, even to the point of joint
exile or joint suicide, were part of a Roman Stoic tradition. But public displays of affection were frowned upon. In one notable case, a senator was expelled from the Senate for kissing his wife in front of their daughter. While considering this punishment “perhaps somewhat extreme,” Plutarch, who recorded the incident, hastened to add that “it is disgraceful... to kiss and embrace in the presence of others.” 34
Any excessive emotion was suspect. Older men deemed too indul- gent toward their younger wives could become objects of ridicule. Pompey (106–48 B . C . E .) was famous for what was considered exagger- ated sentiment toward his last two wives. He married his fourth wife, Julia, Julius Caesar’s daughter, to advance his career, which did not pre- vent him from falling in love with her—he at forty-six and she exactly half his age. In the reproachful words of Plutarch: “he let his fondness for his young wife seduce him into effeminate habits.” 35 She, too, it appears, was enamored of him, but their mutual rapture was cut short by her early death in childbirth. Inconsolable as he was, Pompey soon made another political marriage, this time with the widow Cornelia. It did not take him long to become thoroughly captivated by that highly cultured lady, whose attractions beside those of youth and beauty included her knowledge of geometry, philosophy, and the lute.
When Cornelia and Pompey were married in 52 B . C . E ., wives of the Roman aristocracy enjoyed responsibilities and pleasures that would have been unthinkable in ancient Greece. They could hold on to prop- erty received from their original families and become very wealthy in their own right. Their dowries, administered by their husbands, would be returned to them in the event of divorce. They had access to private education and could attend public events, such as banquets, salons, and spectacles. Whether these events consisted of readings by poets, dances by naked girls, or sexual orgies, marriage did not prevent women from being present and participating fully. 36
Wives from the upper class moved about outside their homes with considerable independence since their domestic duties, including breast-feeding, could be turned over to nurses, servants, and slaves. It was so uncommon for upper-class women to nurse their babies during this period that Tacitus (56–120 C . E .), among others, chided the wives of imperial Rome for no longer suckling their offspring, and attributed the lack of civic virtue among the young to their lack of mother’s milk. 37 Roman wives were full mistresses of their homes and “keepers of the
keys,” with one notable exception. Husbands held the keys to the wine cellar, since their wives were not allowed to drink wine. That interdic- tion was founded in age-old fears that an intoxicated wife would not be able to remain “pure.”
If a husband was sent into battle or exile, a Roman wife had to be ready to take over his affairs. Then she usually stayed behind in Rome and looked after the family property. 38 She was expected to share her husband’s public glory and his personal misfortunes. In her short, four- year marriage to Pompey, Cornelia had an equal measure of both. In the end, during the civil war, she followed Pompey’s flight away from Rome and was witness to his murder when he landed in Egypt after a major military defeat.
The most famous couple of this era was Antony and Cleopatra. Their story, already legendary in their lifetime, has fed the Western imagina- tion for over two millennia. Shakespeare, Shaw, and Cecil B. DeMille are among the
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