Read Online A Heartbeat Away by Harry Kraus - Free Book Online Page A

ceiling of his little bedroom, thinking about the question his father had posed at dinner that evening. Who am I?
    His father had made the point that too often people pick the most obvious answer to that question. A person says “I’m a doctor” or “I’m a teacher” without thinking about the deeper spiritual issues. “God,” his father said, “wants us to find our identity in him. Wrap yourself up in the idea that you are loved by God, created in his image, and made for the purpose of bringing him glory. Find your identity there.”
    Christian sighed. The truth was, he’d had a hard enough time trying to answer the question without getting spiritual. He thought about the typical ways he could define himself. I have an American passport. But I don’t feel American. I’ve spent most of my life living somewhere else. When other kids talked about American TV shows, American football, or even the restaurants they enjoyed, Christian couldn’t find a point of reference to understand. He didn’t fit here, but when in Africa, thanks to his skin color and language, he didn’t exactly fit there either. He was afloat between cultures without an anchor to fix his identity.
    Emily was the first person to try to push past his awkwardness, the feelings of not fitting. She seemed to like the fact that he brought a unique perspective to problems. His answers weren’t knee-jerk American. With Christian, it wasn’t always about money or getting more stuff. He’d seen poverty. He’d never really had the “stuff” people seemed to spend all their energy wanting. For Christian, relationships took priority. For that, he could thank the influences of his African village and parents who were just crazy enough to think raising a family there might be a good thing.
    Perhaps for that reason, his relationship with Emily was something he treasured. He suspected she’d have a hard time defining herself without all the stuff her parents had provided for her. He doubted that she could imagine life without the house, clothes, money, and car. But Christian looked past all of it to see the gem of who she was inside. And maybe her insane plan to begin their lives together wasn’t so insane after all. They wouldn’t be rich, but wasn’t it all the material stuff in the world that caused most of the problems?
    Christian looked at the illuminated dial on his Timex watch. 12:30 a.m. He peered through the kitchen window. All was quiet. Overhead, clouds obscured the moon. Inside, with his anxieties pushed aside, he attempted to focus on one thought. I love her. Why shouldn’t we begin our lives together now?
    He pulled the screen door, wincing at the squeak, an eerie report that seemed to echo even more loudly against the silence of the night. He waited until he’d crossed the backyard before clicking on the flashlight, pointing it ahead on the now well-worn path toward the Greene homestead.
    He walked softly and wiped the sweat from his forehead as he anticipated the secret rendezvous. In the past week Emily had deftly countered his objections. “We love each other, Chris. Why is that so wrong?”
    â€œWe aren’t married.”
    â€œThink about it. I’ll bet some of those people you saw in Africa didn’t have a piece of paper saying they were married, did they? Are you saying they aren’t married? It’s all just differences in culture.”
    â€œBut—”
    She silenced him with a kiss. “We can ask God to marry us.” She pulled away. “You said you loved me.”
    In the end, he crossed a line that a mere month before he’d have sworn he’d never even approach. One by one his defenses fell like dominos, each one only enough to trip the next.
    But what will my parents say?
    His objections burned away in the fire of one thought that captivated his testosterone-driven frontal lobes: Emily will let me