A Game of Groans: A Sonnet of Slush and Soot

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Authors: George R.R. Washington Alan Goldsher
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always work on command.”
    “Don’t get defensive,” the woman said. “It happens to a lot of guys.”
    “Not to me!” the man blustered.
    “Except for that time last week,” the woman pointed out.
    “I was drunk.”
    “Whatever.” After a pause, the woman asked, “Do you want me to kiss it?”
    “That’s what I wanted in the first place.”
    “Why didn’t you say so?” she asked. Allbran then heard some slurping noises that made him giggle. He covered his mouth so as not to be detected.
    After a minute or two, the woman mumbled, “Still nothing.”
    The man said, “Here, let me try something.”
    Allbran then heard a quiet slapping sound. He kneeled down to get a better sense of what was happening, then slipped and tumbled off the roof. He would have fallen to the ground had he not grabbed the ledge of the window of the room on which he was eavesdropping.
    As Allbran hauled himself up, the man and the woman simultaneously screamed. When he peeked his nose over the sill, he saw that it was Queen Cerevix Barfonme and her twin brother, Sur Jagweed “The Not-Kingslayer” Sinister. The Queen was lying on the bed, naked except for her bejeweled crown, while the Not-Kingslayer was completely naked, gripping his shriveled, limp manhood as if it were a sword. A small sword, granted, but a sword nonetheless.
    Jagweed let go of his penis, grabbed a sheet from the bed, and covered himself. “What did you see?” he demanded.
    “What I saw here,” Allbran claimed, “was a brother and sister doing the kind of thing that most brothers and sisters in Easterrabbit do, because, according to those who have seen this sort of thing, Easterrabbit is the land of doing your brother and sister. What I saw here has been documented in a number of mediums—on both the page and the small screen, for example—so there’s no way I couldn’t know what I saw here.” He paused, then added, “That all being said, I’m not sure what I saw here. But it didn’t look like much.”
    Queen Cerevix sneered, “Exactly, Allbran: nothing much.”
    Jagweed wheeled on his sister and roared, “You said it happens to all guys!”
    “No,” she explained, “I said it happens to a lot of guys. Don’t put words in my mouth.” She stood up and grabbed her robe. “As a matter of fact, don’t put anything in my mouth. We’re done here.”
    Jagweed’s face turned beet red, and, if it was at all possible, his manhood shrank even more. “We’re not done until I say we’re done!” he screamed.
    Pointing at her brother’s crotch, the Queen said, “Tell that to him.”
    After a wordless scream, Jagweed Sinister spun on Allbran and accused, “This is your fault, you Barker scum. I was doing fine until you dropped in.”
    Cerevix barked a single laugh, then further barked, “Sure you were, brother dear. Sure you were.”
    Ignoring his sister, Jagweed continued, “You’ll pay for this, boy.”
    Chuckling, the Queen pointed at Allbran and sneered, “Pull down his pants and see if he wants to give it a go, brother dear.” She slipped the robe off her shoulders, exposing her firm breasts. “You like these, Allbran?”
    Blushing, Allbran stammered, “I … I … I … don’t have anything to compare them to.”
    In the blink of an eye, Jagweed was kneeling directly in front of Allbran, their faces inches apart. “Listen, boy,” the Not-Kingslayer whispered, “first of all, my sister has the best jugs in Easterrabbit, so you best pay them their proper respect. Second of all, what you saw here, you didn’t see here. Got it?”
    “What I saw here,” Allbran repeated, “was a brother and sister doing the kind of thing that most brothers and sisters in Easterrabbit do, because, according to those who have seen this sort of thing…”
    Cerevix interrupted, “Like I said, Allbran, you didn’t see much.”
    Jagweed roared, “You saw plenty!” then emitted a wordless growl, picked up Allbran by his neck, and threw the boy out the

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