Read Online A Different Kind of Despair by Nicole Martinsen - Free Book Online
Authors: Nicole Martinsen
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Larry earlier?
About most children not knowing their fathers?"
"Yes."
"In our society, our identities, our past and
present, is all traced through matrilineal descent. Many women also
don't have access to the magic and knowledge of necromancers, so
whether there are troubles with infertility, or birth, it's
important to leave many descendants. If the mother ever dies, the
siblings still have each other."
I peeked out from the covers, smirking at his
bemused expression.
"Women have many lovers, but they can only
have one husband. I guess you might call it... their first love." I
smiled into my memories of growing up, watching as girls on the
cusp of womanhood carved their totems with a mysterious glint in
their eyes, as though they were in their very own worlds, beautiful
and on a pedestal I couldn't possibly hope to reach. "First loves
are pure and precious, and even the pain is bittersweet. You're my
first love, Marvin."
I closed my eyes then, a part of me wilting at
the words poised to come out of my mouth; another eager to set them
free.
"I was there every morning,
watching you practice walking on your new legs, and I saw you work
every chance I had. Your face was like a mask, so I said outlandish
things and bothered you to see whether I could finally shake it
loose." I paused to giggle at some of my antics. "And when I got
tired of bothering you, I'd just sit there in the yurt. The way
your hands moved when you crushed ingredients of combined them was
so... certain, and beautiful... I felt like I was seeing a magician
before my eyes. If you asked me when exactly it was that I started
loving you, I can't say," I admitted quietly. "Maybe I loved you
all along. All I know is that I do."
Again, silence. The longer it stretched the
deeper my face burned with the realization of everything I had
said. Finally, fearful of the quiet that had grown between, us, I
removed the blanket-shawl from my face.
Marvin's fist was pressed against his mouth.
If possible, he was even redder than I was.
"Does that..." I said carefully, "answer your
question?"
"It does."
He stood up, and I feared that I'd gone too
far with my sincerity. But rather than leave, he just turned out
the lights. One by one, until the room was dark.
"The fire makes you uncomfortable,
right?"
I thought my heart was about to
stop.
"Thank you."
"Miraj, I'm only going to say this once, so
listen carefully."
"Alright."
"You are sixteen -no matter
how you might appear on the outside, you're a child at least for two more
years," he stressed. "I'm a bit socially retarded, anti-social as a
result, and a coward who has a knack for getting himself into
terrifying situations. Are you okay, even knowing all of
that?"
I raised an eyebrow. "Okay?"
He made a frustrated sound, more at himself
than at me.
"I'm saying, if you're willing to
accept those faults, I'm willing to see where this goes. This
marriage thing."
"Ma..." I couldn't find the words
for a full minute. "Two years?" I groaned. "That's too far
away!"
"That's the condition. You can take it or
leave it."
"I'll take it! I'll take the condition, and
I'll take you too!"
I heard him snort.
"Glad to see we have an
understanding."
Through the blanket, I felt him
shuffle until he was lying down next to me. I took that as my cue
to do the same. I tried to get closer, but he sliced his arm across
the space between us in an imaginary line.
"Two years," he repeated.
"So I can't even lay a hand on
you?"
"I'm hearing a whole lot of whining from a
woman who supposedly gets to sleep beside the man she
loves."
"Says the legless lizard," I shot
back, referencing the top of the totem I'd carved for him. I
reached out again, but this time Marvin caught my errant hand in
his.
"This," he said, twining his fingers between
mine, "is the only concession I'm going to make."
I smirked as a wicked idea came to
mind.
"So I can hold your hand whenever I
want?"
"Whenever you want."
"You're not allowed to let
About most children not knowing their fathers?"
"Yes."
"In our society, our identities, our past and
present, is all traced through matrilineal descent. Many women also
don't have access to the magic and knowledge of necromancers, so
whether there are troubles with infertility, or birth, it's
important to leave many descendants. If the mother ever dies, the
siblings still have each other."
I peeked out from the covers, smirking at his
bemused expression.
"Women have many lovers, but they can only
have one husband. I guess you might call it... their first love." I
smiled into my memories of growing up, watching as girls on the
cusp of womanhood carved their totems with a mysterious glint in
their eyes, as though they were in their very own worlds, beautiful
and on a pedestal I couldn't possibly hope to reach. "First loves
are pure and precious, and even the pain is bittersweet. You're my
first love, Marvin."
I closed my eyes then, a part of me wilting at
the words poised to come out of my mouth; another eager to set them
free.
"I was there every morning,
watching you practice walking on your new legs, and I saw you work
every chance I had. Your face was like a mask, so I said outlandish
things and bothered you to see whether I could finally shake it
loose." I paused to giggle at some of my antics. "And when I got
tired of bothering you, I'd just sit there in the yurt. The way
your hands moved when you crushed ingredients of combined them was
so... certain, and beautiful... I felt like I was seeing a magician
before my eyes. If you asked me when exactly it was that I started
loving you, I can't say," I admitted quietly. "Maybe I loved you
all along. All I know is that I do."
Again, silence. The longer it stretched the
deeper my face burned with the realization of everything I had
said. Finally, fearful of the quiet that had grown between, us, I
removed the blanket-shawl from my face.
Marvin's fist was pressed against his mouth.
If possible, he was even redder than I was.
"Does that..." I said carefully, "answer your
question?"
"It does."
He stood up, and I feared that I'd gone too
far with my sincerity. But rather than leave, he just turned out
the lights. One by one, until the room was dark.
"The fire makes you uncomfortable,
right?"
I thought my heart was about to
stop.
"Thank you."
"Miraj, I'm only going to say this once, so
listen carefully."
"Alright."
"You are sixteen -no matter
how you might appear on the outside, you're a child at least for two more
years," he stressed. "I'm a bit socially retarded, anti-social as a
result, and a coward who has a knack for getting himself into
terrifying situations. Are you okay, even knowing all of
that?"
I raised an eyebrow. "Okay?"
He made a frustrated sound, more at himself
than at me.
"I'm saying, if you're willing to
accept those faults, I'm willing to see where this goes. This
marriage thing."
"Ma..." I couldn't find the words
for a full minute. "Two years?" I groaned. "That's too far
away!"
"That's the condition. You can take it or
leave it."
"I'll take it! I'll take the condition, and
I'll take you too!"
I heard him snort.
"Glad to see we have an
understanding."
Through the blanket, I felt him
shuffle until he was lying down next to me. I took that as my cue
to do the same. I tried to get closer, but he sliced his arm across
the space between us in an imaginary line.
"Two years," he repeated.
"So I can't even lay a hand on
you?"
"I'm hearing a whole lot of whining from a
woman who supposedly gets to sleep beside the man she
loves."
"Says the legless lizard," I shot
back, referencing the top of the totem I'd carved for him. I
reached out again, but this time Marvin caught my errant hand in
his.
"This," he said, twining his fingers between
mine, "is the only concession I'm going to make."
I smirked as a wicked idea came to
mind.
"So I can hold your hand whenever I
want?"
"Whenever you want."
"You're not allowed to let
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