âWhat am I going to do? Just what the hell am I going to do, Rafferty? Jakeâs horse needs tending and that was the last bag of feed. Iâve got to drag my son out in the rain and Iâm covered with oats and . . . and . . .â
He saw the struggle on her face. She was trying hard not to cry. âItâs gonna be fine, Lissette. Iâm here. Weâll go to the feed store. Get more oats. Feed the horse. All you have to do is let me help you.â
âI hate this,â she said vehemently. âI hate not being strong enough or tough enough to take care of things on my own.â
âEveryone needs a helping hand now and again,â he said smoothly.
âEven you?â
âEven me. Now come on. Letâs get the hell out of the rain.â
C laudia Moncrief had been waiting all day for her daughter-in-lawâs call. The longer she went without hearing from Lissy, the more anxious she grew. To calm herself, she puttered in her backyard fall garden, harvesting turnips, onions, and pumpkins. When the rain began, she simply slipped into an old yellow rain slicker and went back at it.
Her cell phone was tucked in her back pocket. She had to stop herself several times from being the one to call. She did not want to be a meddlesome mother-in-law, but she was concerned. Lissy had told her she had an appointment with specialists at Cookâs Children that morning, but she hadnât been specific about the time or the reason.
Claudia suspected for some time now that there was something wrong with her only grandchild. She feared autism, so sheâd kept her mouth shut. When Lissetteâs best friend, Mariah, had spoken up, Claudia had been relieved. She didnât have to be the bad guy. And it wasnât as if she felt strong enough to broach the subject. She was still fragile. Sheâd just recently stopped lying in bed all day, praying for release from her suffering. Jake had been her only child, and she loved him more than her own life.
Grief spilled over her in waves. It hit like this. Quiet at times, and then wham. It was a two-by-four upside the head. She ducked her chin to her chest, rocked down onto her knees in the wet soil, and sobbed.
She had always feared Jake would die young. It was a thought no mother ever wanted to entertain, but it had nibbled at the back of her brain for years. He had been bold from the beginning. Climbing like a Sherpa to the top of the kitchen cabinets before he could even walk.
Fearless.
As a boy, heâd had a horrible habit of running into the street without looking both ways first. He liked to jump from the roof of the house, and if he got hurt, he would laugh it off. Her pediatrician told her that he had a high pain tolerance, which, combined with his daredevil nature, had starting turning her hair gray before she was thirty. Now her hair was completely silver.
When Jake was in those odd in-between years on the bridge from childhood to adolescence, heâd started drawing dark images of warâbloodied and embattled soldiers with severed limbs, exploding bombs dropped on villages, daggers and cannons and guns.
Always guns.
As a teen his fascination with guns grew, they were joined by wild bulls, fast cars, and even faster women. Claudia had been so grateful and relieved when heâd brought Lissette home to meet her. Her only concern was that quiet Lissette would be flattened by her sonâs oversized personality. Lissy had been good for Jake. Settling him by at least some small measure. On the other hand, she wasnât so sure that Jake had been good for Lissy. She was so wary at times and hesitant to make decisions on her own for fear Jake would disapprove. Her daughter-in-lawâs reticence only seemed to deepen the longer the marriage went on.
But Claudia admired Lissetteâs kind calmness. Her ability to remain impassive in situations where other people got overexcited and reactionary was a true
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