Read Online A Beautiful Mess by Emily McKee - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Emily McKee
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Jade’s. I won’t allow it. Kids deserve to run around in the yard and get ice cream from the ice cream truck. They deserve to act silly and get messy and sticky. What they don’t deserve is dealing with physical and verbal abuse. They don’t deserve to grow up too fast and not experience a childhood. They don’t deserve what Jade and I had to go through. I can’t and I won’t. I knew when I first saw you freshman year you would be the hardest to get over and I still haven’t gotten over you. I don’t think I ever will.
But you deserve a lot more than just someone who is going to have sex with you. You deserve a guy who is going to love you for the rest of your life and who’s going to marry you. To have children with. To treat you with respect and dignity and grace. Keep you on that pedestal where you most certainly belong. You deserve a guy who is going to wake up every day and say, ‘Damn, I’m lucky because I’m with Ashlynn Miller’.”
Never taking my eyes off hers I said, “That’s what you deserve. Not me. Not this mess.”
She closed her eyes and more tears fell from them. She tried to lean in for a kiss when I dropped my hands from her face. Her bottom lip was quivering when she looked up at me and said, “I still don’t understand Jason.”
My blood pressure instantly raised and my heart beat accelerated. How could she not see why we couldn’t be together? I couldn’t do that to her. As much as I wanted her and needed her in my life as something much more than a friend I had to push her away.
Does she think that little of herself that what I said doesn’t matter to her? I’m not worth it.
“What don’t you understand Ash? Do you not understand that I’m a horrible mess of a person? Do you not understand that I would fuck this up?”
I took a minute to catch my breath and attempted to calm down. I began to pace back and forth because I didn’t know what to do or say. Collecting my bearings I said, “I just told you those things so you would understand why we can never be together.”
I slammed my hand against the wall which in turn made her jump a little. Good, she needs to be scared . She needed a rude awakening and to realize she deserves much more than what I can offer her.
“I mean DAMMIT Ash! You’re beautiful and sweet and pure. Me, on the other hand, I’m a fuck up and a mess. I don’t deserve you. And I will not put myself in a situation where I hurt someone the way my dad hurt my mom and his children. Especially with you.”
She gasped and placed a hand to her beautiful chest. Scrunching her eyebrows together Ash whispered, “You think I’m beautiful and you think you’re a mess?”
I just shrugged my shoulders in defeat and shook my head. “I don’t think that Ash. It’s a fact and I’m just pointing the obvious out to you.”
She took her lower lip into her mouth and bit down on it. She had this far off look on her face like she was thinking about something and then this sweet, innocent smile came across her beautiful face.
Ash let go of her bottom lip and walked over to me placing a hand on either side of my face. Never taking her eyes off me she whispered, “Do you know what we make Jason?” Not allowing me to answer she said, “We even each other out because together we make a beautiful mess.”
It was in that moment I was awakened. I was given a second chance and I knew exactly what I wanted, Ashlynn Miller, and I was never going to let her go again.
Sucking in a breath I felt tears forming in my eyes. I couldn’t believe the words that left Ash’s beautiful lips. Leave it to her to see the good in such a fucked up situation. I laughed and then looked into her caramel colored twinkling eyes and said, “Yeah, I guess we do.”
The rest of Spring Break was indescribable. We had the time of our lives together getting to know one another. Of course there were a few stolen kisses but nothing more because I wanted to take what we had going on as
But you deserve a lot more than just someone who is going to have sex with you. You deserve a guy who is going to love you for the rest of your life and who’s going to marry you. To have children with. To treat you with respect and dignity and grace. Keep you on that pedestal where you most certainly belong. You deserve a guy who is going to wake up every day and say, ‘Damn, I’m lucky because I’m with Ashlynn Miller’.”
Never taking my eyes off hers I said, “That’s what you deserve. Not me. Not this mess.”
She closed her eyes and more tears fell from them. She tried to lean in for a kiss when I dropped my hands from her face. Her bottom lip was quivering when she looked up at me and said, “I still don’t understand Jason.”
My blood pressure instantly raised and my heart beat accelerated. How could she not see why we couldn’t be together? I couldn’t do that to her. As much as I wanted her and needed her in my life as something much more than a friend I had to push her away.
Does she think that little of herself that what I said doesn’t matter to her? I’m not worth it.
“What don’t you understand Ash? Do you not understand that I’m a horrible mess of a person? Do you not understand that I would fuck this up?”
I took a minute to catch my breath and attempted to calm down. I began to pace back and forth because I didn’t know what to do or say. Collecting my bearings I said, “I just told you those things so you would understand why we can never be together.”
I slammed my hand against the wall which in turn made her jump a little. Good, she needs to be scared . She needed a rude awakening and to realize she deserves much more than what I can offer her.
“I mean DAMMIT Ash! You’re beautiful and sweet and pure. Me, on the other hand, I’m a fuck up and a mess. I don’t deserve you. And I will not put myself in a situation where I hurt someone the way my dad hurt my mom and his children. Especially with you.”
She gasped and placed a hand to her beautiful chest. Scrunching her eyebrows together Ash whispered, “You think I’m beautiful and you think you’re a mess?”
I just shrugged my shoulders in defeat and shook my head. “I don’t think that Ash. It’s a fact and I’m just pointing the obvious out to you.”
She took her lower lip into her mouth and bit down on it. She had this far off look on her face like she was thinking about something and then this sweet, innocent smile came across her beautiful face.
Ash let go of her bottom lip and walked over to me placing a hand on either side of my face. Never taking her eyes off me she whispered, “Do you know what we make Jason?” Not allowing me to answer she said, “We even each other out because together we make a beautiful mess.”
It was in that moment I was awakened. I was given a second chance and I knew exactly what I wanted, Ashlynn Miller, and I was never going to let her go again.
Sucking in a breath I felt tears forming in my eyes. I couldn’t believe the words that left Ash’s beautiful lips. Leave it to her to see the good in such a fucked up situation. I laughed and then looked into her caramel colored twinkling eyes and said, “Yeah, I guess we do.”
The rest of Spring Break was indescribable. We had the time of our lives together getting to know one another. Of course there were a few stolen kisses but nothing more because I wanted to take what we had going on as
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