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necessary to get you started on the right foot with any new person in your life. Think of yourself in 01 (001-042B) part one 8/14/03 9:16 AM Page 41
How to Make Sure You Don’t Miss a Single Beat
41
Technique #9
Watch the Sc ene Before You Make the Sc ene
Rehearse being the Super Somebody you want to be
ahead of time. SEE yourself walking around with Hang
by Your Teeth posture, shaking hands, smiling the
Flooding Smile, and making Sticky Eyes. HEAR yourself chatting comfortably with everyone. FEEL the pleasure of knowing you are in peak form and everyone
is gravitating toward you. VISUALIZE yourself a Super
Somebody. Then it all happens automatically.
these first moments like a rocket taking off. When the folks at Cape Kennedy aim a spacecraft for the moon, a mistake in the millionth of a degree at the beginning, when the craft is still on the ground, means missing the moon by thousands of miles. Likewise, a tiny body-language blooper at the outset of a relationship may mean you will never make a hit with that person. But with The Flooding Smile, Sticky Eyes, Epoxy Eyes, Hang by Your Teeth, The Big-Baby Pivot, Hello Old Friend, Limit the Fidget, Hans’s Horse Sense, and Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene, you’ll be right on course to get whatever you eventually want from anybody—be it business, friendship, or love.
We now move from the silent world to the spoken word.
This page intentionally left blank.
02 (043-92B) part two 8/14/03 9:17 AM Page 43
✰PARTTWO
How to Know What
to Say Af ter You
Say “Hi”
Just as the first glimpse should please their eyes, your first words should delight their ears. Your tongue is a welcome mat embossed with either “Welcome” or “Go Away!” To make your conversation partner feel welcome, you must master small talk.
Small talk! Can you hear the shudder? Those two little words drive a stake into the hearts of some otherwise fearless and undaunted souls. Invite them to a party where they don’t know anyone, and it mainlines queasiness into their veins.
If this sounds familiar, take consolation from the fact that the brighter the individual, the more he or she detests small talk. When consulting for Fortune 500 companies, I was astounded. Top executives, completely comfortable making big talk with their boards of directors or addressing their stockholders, confessed they felt like little lost children at parties where the pratter was less than prodigious.
Small-talk haters take further consolation from the fact that you are in star-studded company. Fear of small talk and stage fright are the same thing. The butterflies you feel in your stomach when you’re in a roomful of strangers flutter ’round the tum 43
Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use. 02 (043-92B) part two 8/14/03 9:17 AM Page 44
44
How to Talk to Anyone
mies of top performers. Pablo Casals complained of lifelong stage fright. Carly Simon curtailed live performances because of it. A friend of mine who worked with Neil Diamond said he insisted the words to “Song Sung Blue,” a tune he’d been crooning for forty years, be displayed on his teleprompter, lest fear freeze him into forgetfulness.
Is Small-Talk-a-Phobia Curable?
Someday, scientists say, communications fears may be treatable with drugs. They’re already experimenting with Prozac to change people’s personalities. But some fear disastrous side effects. The good news is that when human beings think, and genuinely feel, certain emotions—like confidence that they have specific techniques to fall back on—the brain manufactures its own antidotes. If fear and distaste of small talk is the disease, knowing solid techniques like the ones we explore in this section is the cure. Incidentally, science is beginning to recognize it’s not chance or even upbringing that one person has a belly of butterflies and another doesn’t. In our brains, neurons communicate through chemicals called neurotransmitters.
How to Make Sure You Don’t Miss a Single Beat
41
Technique #9
Watch the Sc ene Before You Make the Sc ene
Rehearse being the Super Somebody you want to be
ahead of time. SEE yourself walking around with Hang
by Your Teeth posture, shaking hands, smiling the
Flooding Smile, and making Sticky Eyes. HEAR yourself chatting comfortably with everyone. FEEL the pleasure of knowing you are in peak form and everyone
is gravitating toward you. VISUALIZE yourself a Super
Somebody. Then it all happens automatically.
these first moments like a rocket taking off. When the folks at Cape Kennedy aim a spacecraft for the moon, a mistake in the millionth of a degree at the beginning, when the craft is still on the ground, means missing the moon by thousands of miles. Likewise, a tiny body-language blooper at the outset of a relationship may mean you will never make a hit with that person. But with The Flooding Smile, Sticky Eyes, Epoxy Eyes, Hang by Your Teeth, The Big-Baby Pivot, Hello Old Friend, Limit the Fidget, Hans’s Horse Sense, and Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene, you’ll be right on course to get whatever you eventually want from anybody—be it business, friendship, or love.
We now move from the silent world to the spoken word.
This page intentionally left blank.
02 (043-92B) part two 8/14/03 9:17 AM Page 43
✰PARTTWO
How to Know What
to Say Af ter You
Say “Hi”
Just as the first glimpse should please their eyes, your first words should delight their ears. Your tongue is a welcome mat embossed with either “Welcome” or “Go Away!” To make your conversation partner feel welcome, you must master small talk.
Small talk! Can you hear the shudder? Those two little words drive a stake into the hearts of some otherwise fearless and undaunted souls. Invite them to a party where they don’t know anyone, and it mainlines queasiness into their veins.
If this sounds familiar, take consolation from the fact that the brighter the individual, the more he or she detests small talk. When consulting for Fortune 500 companies, I was astounded. Top executives, completely comfortable making big talk with their boards of directors or addressing their stockholders, confessed they felt like little lost children at parties where the pratter was less than prodigious.
Small-talk haters take further consolation from the fact that you are in star-studded company. Fear of small talk and stage fright are the same thing. The butterflies you feel in your stomach when you’re in a roomful of strangers flutter ’round the tum 43
Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use. 02 (043-92B) part two 8/14/03 9:17 AM Page 44
44
How to Talk to Anyone
mies of top performers. Pablo Casals complained of lifelong stage fright. Carly Simon curtailed live performances because of it. A friend of mine who worked with Neil Diamond said he insisted the words to “Song Sung Blue,” a tune he’d been crooning for forty years, be displayed on his teleprompter, lest fear freeze him into forgetfulness.
Is Small-Talk-a-Phobia Curable?
Someday, scientists say, communications fears may be treatable with drugs. They’re already experimenting with Prozac to change people’s personalities. But some fear disastrous side effects. The good news is that when human beings think, and genuinely feel, certain emotions—like confidence that they have specific techniques to fall back on—the brain manufactures its own antidotes. If fear and distaste of small talk is the disease, knowing solid techniques like the ones we explore in this section is the cure. Incidentally, science is beginning to recognize it’s not chance or even upbringing that one person has a belly of butterflies and another doesn’t. In our brains, neurons communicate through chemicals called neurotransmitters.
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