what my old man would want . What about what the fuck I want? How about I be fucking Luke Lane and not some man they think I need to be?”
“Oh, Luke, that’s not—”
“The fuck it isn’t! Do you know what those people”—he points to his house—“put my grandparents through when I was born? Do you know that Tommy’s parents—my grandparents—are the only people who want me to follow my own path? They encourage me to stay in the Army, while all of them and you and your family think I should get out and join the Lucas show. Do you know, Ava, that Tommy died while taking your father to Syracuse because he wanted to get Tessa back from Ben! Ben, the one who is married to Tessa’s sister Kendall?”
I shake my head.
“It’s all fucking sick. It’s a big, incestuous mind-fuck. This whole town is a fucking joke.”
“Luke, we all love you, and—”
“No, you all love the memory of Tommy Lane. None of you have a clue who Luke Lane is, and I don’t give a fuck what your daddy thinks of me, Ava. Do you know how badly I want to tell him I fucked his little princess for years, knowing damn well I didn’t love her and never could?”
My mouth drops open as the reality of what he is saying hits me.
“You and I fucked. It was good. The minute you said those words to me, you fucked up your chance of having a holiday piece of ass handy. Or was it your service to the country that made you fuck me? Or was it the fact that your daddy fucked mine, and you wanted the same—”
I turn and slap him across the face, and he grabs me by the wrist.
“He loves you!” I scream.
“He doesn’t even know me. Neither do you, Ava. No more than all the other pussy around the world does!”
“You … you …” I stammer, unable to find the words I want to spew at him right now. The words to tell him I love him, but not this version of him.
“What? You what?” He lets go of my hand.
“You have been loved by so many. Truly, honestly, and deeply loved. You, not your father.” I poke him in the chest. “You!”
“You don’t love me,” he scoffs, “any more than I love you. We fucked. It was good to get off.”
I turn and walk quickly toward my house. Then I hear him coming behind me, so I stop and turn around.
“What do you want from me!”
“I want you to leave me the hell alone.”
I shake my head, feeling the finality in his words and his tone.
“Yes. You leave me alone, and you stop looking at me like you need a dick between your legs. Lord knows you’re getting it when I’m not here. Love one of them poor fuckers. Maybe then, Ava, you can stop living in their shadows and live your own damn life and not feel like you have to fuck me, because good old Tommy Lane wouldn’t like to know his bastard kid is getting fucked by Lucas Links’ kid, just like Lucas fucked him all the way up until his last breath.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal, Luke. I will block out any feelings I have for you, but you better make damn sure my father and your family never find out how much we disgust you. From what I hear, your father wouldn’t want that for them.”
I feel sick to my stomach, like I’m going to get sick, as he turns to walk away.
“Luke!” I call out. “Just so you know, I was in love with the boy who picked me to be on his team so I didn’t have to stop being me in order to fit in. That boy was you. I will always love that boy. I loved the man who put his country first. Until you are retired or decide to change careers, I will always say a prayer for your safety. But I am a woman of my word, and I am telling you right now that I am going to do everything in my power to calm the hurt, the pain, and the rejection I feel after how you have treated me. I am going to fill that hole you have created so that, when you pull your head out of whatever darkness it’s settled in, there is no room for a do-over.”
“Good. Now leave me the hell alone,” he snaps.
“And, Luke!”
He turns to look
“Oh, Luke, that’s not—”
“The fuck it isn’t! Do you know what those people”—he points to his house—“put my grandparents through when I was born? Do you know that Tommy’s parents—my grandparents—are the only people who want me to follow my own path? They encourage me to stay in the Army, while all of them and you and your family think I should get out and join the Lucas show. Do you know, Ava, that Tommy died while taking your father to Syracuse because he wanted to get Tessa back from Ben! Ben, the one who is married to Tessa’s sister Kendall?”
I shake my head.
“It’s all fucking sick. It’s a big, incestuous mind-fuck. This whole town is a fucking joke.”
“Luke, we all love you, and—”
“No, you all love the memory of Tommy Lane. None of you have a clue who Luke Lane is, and I don’t give a fuck what your daddy thinks of me, Ava. Do you know how badly I want to tell him I fucked his little princess for years, knowing damn well I didn’t love her and never could?”
My mouth drops open as the reality of what he is saying hits me.
“You and I fucked. It was good. The minute you said those words to me, you fucked up your chance of having a holiday piece of ass handy. Or was it your service to the country that made you fuck me? Or was it the fact that your daddy fucked mine, and you wanted the same—”
I turn and slap him across the face, and he grabs me by the wrist.
“He loves you!” I scream.
“He doesn’t even know me. Neither do you, Ava. No more than all the other pussy around the world does!”
“You … you …” I stammer, unable to find the words I want to spew at him right now. The words to tell him I love him, but not this version of him.
“What? You what?” He lets go of my hand.
“You have been loved by so many. Truly, honestly, and deeply loved. You, not your father.” I poke him in the chest. “You!”
“You don’t love me,” he scoffs, “any more than I love you. We fucked. It was good to get off.”
I turn and walk quickly toward my house. Then I hear him coming behind me, so I stop and turn around.
“What do you want from me!”
“I want you to leave me the hell alone.”
I shake my head, feeling the finality in his words and his tone.
“Yes. You leave me alone, and you stop looking at me like you need a dick between your legs. Lord knows you’re getting it when I’m not here. Love one of them poor fuckers. Maybe then, Ava, you can stop living in their shadows and live your own damn life and not feel like you have to fuck me, because good old Tommy Lane wouldn’t like to know his bastard kid is getting fucked by Lucas Links’ kid, just like Lucas fucked him all the way up until his last breath.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal, Luke. I will block out any feelings I have for you, but you better make damn sure my father and your family never find out how much we disgust you. From what I hear, your father wouldn’t want that for them.”
I feel sick to my stomach, like I’m going to get sick, as he turns to walk away.
“Luke!” I call out. “Just so you know, I was in love with the boy who picked me to be on his team so I didn’t have to stop being me in order to fit in. That boy was you. I will always love that boy. I loved the man who put his country first. Until you are retired or decide to change careers, I will always say a prayer for your safety. But I am a woman of my word, and I am telling you right now that I am going to do everything in my power to calm the hurt, the pain, and the rejection I feel after how you have treated me. I am going to fill that hole you have created so that, when you pull your head out of whatever darkness it’s settled in, there is no room for a do-over.”
“Good. Now leave me the hell alone,” he snaps.
“And, Luke!”
He turns to look
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