to happen—not in a car on the way home from school, not on a sailing trip, not during a thunderstorm, not when you swallow an entire bottle of pills, not when you turn down Heaven to become spirit guides.”
Nate’s face looked like he had just walked out from underneath a dark cloud into the sun. “So control is an illusion. The only one who knows those things is God, and He’s the only one who can control anything, so I need to hand over my control to Him.”
I grabbed him by the front of his safety suit and gave him a lingering kiss. “You got it! But like Victor Hugo said, we also have to have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones. We can’t always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, thinking the worst. Can I ask you something?”
He wiped the sweat off his forehead and seemed to hesitate as his eyes searched my face, but then he nodded.
“Why did you really want to become a spirit guide?”
He raised his bushy eyebrows. “I wanted to still feel needed.”
“What about what you need?” Even to me, my voice sounded slightly irritated.
“Olga, you’re all I need. Don’t you know that?”
He pinned me against the barrier, kissing me forcefully. We both slid down to the track while he let out a half-hum, half-moan. His mouth on mine was like the first sip of coffee in the morning, awakening every part of me. Our kiss slowed, taking our time as if we were only on a pit stop from a relaxing Sunday drive.
Then, suddenly, the ground we were on was no longer made of asphalt, but sand. Nate lifted himself from my body. I scrambled to my feet and brushed myself off, noticing as I did that we weren’t in our driver suits anymore. I wiped my hands on my jean shorts and T-shirt and studied the water and sky, a breath catching in my throat.
“Looks like we’ve arrived at your simulation safe and sound,” Nate said, a grin on his face. “Welcome home.”
“Mhmm. Let’s head to the pier. I have a feeling that’s where we need to be.”
As we strolled down the beach, I enjoyed the picturesque setting while residents and tourists swam, sunbathed, and ate leisurely picnics, ignoring the approaching storm. I thought of how anyone would be hard pressed to find a safer suburbia than our town of Grand Haven. Yet at this moment, the rasping breaths in my chest had me feeling like an asthma attack was inescapable, even though I knew my respiratory condition died when I did.
Light rain began to fall on us, and lightning flashed in the distance. This was most likely the source of my terror—a sixth sense for the coming storm. The lightning strike that caused me to lose Conner made me step outside of myself during the past year. Experiencing a trauma like that ultimately helped me better understand my place in the universe. The accident made me feel smaller than ever, but also freer, more capable of change, more capable of creating my own destiny rather than the one my parents had laid out for me. Before Conner’s death, I didn’t think I believed in fate, but as Nate squeezed my hand, I knew I did now.
“Are you scared?”
I shook my head. “To death.”
He laughed. “Where do you want to take refuge until the storm passes?”
I lifted my eyes to the sky, stars now twinkling in-between the rain clouds, a round moon illuminating the lighthouse at the end of the pier, where some kids—well, more like people my age—jumped into the water.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I knew the next part was going to be a whole lot of no fun. “I don’t think I’m meant to look for shelter right now.”
My heart beat so fast I couldn’t feel anything else. When I opened my eyes, every thought I had focused on those stupid, stupid people as I dropped Nate’s hand and instinctively ran toward the spot where they jumped. Jumping off Grand Haven Pier into Lake Michigan wasn’t like jumping off a diving board into a pool. Only the best of swimmers should even attempt the stunt, but the act
Nate’s face looked like he had just walked out from underneath a dark cloud into the sun. “So control is an illusion. The only one who knows those things is God, and He’s the only one who can control anything, so I need to hand over my control to Him.”
I grabbed him by the front of his safety suit and gave him a lingering kiss. “You got it! But like Victor Hugo said, we also have to have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones. We can’t always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, thinking the worst. Can I ask you something?”
He wiped the sweat off his forehead and seemed to hesitate as his eyes searched my face, but then he nodded.
“Why did you really want to become a spirit guide?”
He raised his bushy eyebrows. “I wanted to still feel needed.”
“What about what you need?” Even to me, my voice sounded slightly irritated.
“Olga, you’re all I need. Don’t you know that?”
He pinned me against the barrier, kissing me forcefully. We both slid down to the track while he let out a half-hum, half-moan. His mouth on mine was like the first sip of coffee in the morning, awakening every part of me. Our kiss slowed, taking our time as if we were only on a pit stop from a relaxing Sunday drive.
Then, suddenly, the ground we were on was no longer made of asphalt, but sand. Nate lifted himself from my body. I scrambled to my feet and brushed myself off, noticing as I did that we weren’t in our driver suits anymore. I wiped my hands on my jean shorts and T-shirt and studied the water and sky, a breath catching in my throat.
“Looks like we’ve arrived at your simulation safe and sound,” Nate said, a grin on his face. “Welcome home.”
“Mhmm. Let’s head to the pier. I have a feeling that’s where we need to be.”
As we strolled down the beach, I enjoyed the picturesque setting while residents and tourists swam, sunbathed, and ate leisurely picnics, ignoring the approaching storm. I thought of how anyone would be hard pressed to find a safer suburbia than our town of Grand Haven. Yet at this moment, the rasping breaths in my chest had me feeling like an asthma attack was inescapable, even though I knew my respiratory condition died when I did.
Light rain began to fall on us, and lightning flashed in the distance. This was most likely the source of my terror—a sixth sense for the coming storm. The lightning strike that caused me to lose Conner made me step outside of myself during the past year. Experiencing a trauma like that ultimately helped me better understand my place in the universe. The accident made me feel smaller than ever, but also freer, more capable of change, more capable of creating my own destiny rather than the one my parents had laid out for me. Before Conner’s death, I didn’t think I believed in fate, but as Nate squeezed my hand, I knew I did now.
“Are you scared?”
I shook my head. “To death.”
He laughed. “Where do you want to take refuge until the storm passes?”
I lifted my eyes to the sky, stars now twinkling in-between the rain clouds, a round moon illuminating the lighthouse at the end of the pier, where some kids—well, more like people my age—jumped into the water.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I knew the next part was going to be a whole lot of no fun. “I don’t think I’m meant to look for shelter right now.”
My heart beat so fast I couldn’t feel anything else. When I opened my eyes, every thought I had focused on those stupid, stupid people as I dropped Nate’s hand and instinctively ran toward the spot where they jumped. Jumping off Grand Haven Pier into Lake Michigan wasn’t like jumping off a diving board into a pool. Only the best of swimmers should even attempt the stunt, but the act
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