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DILBERT ® is a registered trademark of Scott Adams, Inc. Licensed by Peanuts Worldwide.
    DOGBERT ® and DILBERT ® appear in the comic strip DILBERT ® , distributed by Universal Uclick and owned by Scott Adams, Inc. Licensed by Peanuts Worldwide.
    14 Years of Loyal Service in a Fabric-Covered Box copyright © 2009 by Scott Adams, Inc. All rights reserved. Licensed by Peanuts Worldwide. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews. For information, write Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC, an Andrews McMeel Universal company, 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106.
    E-ISBN: 978-1-4494-1780-2
    Library of Congress Control Number: 2009921637
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For Shelly

Introduction
    When I was a kid, I had no idea there were so many different occupations that a person could pursue. I had a vague understanding of the more common jobs, such as doctor, lawyer, fireman, farmer, and policeman. I set my sights on becoming a lawyer, largely because the other careers inevitably involved dead mammals.
    At some point during college, I realized that although lawyers don’t directly kill any mammals, they do hold mammals down so other people can kill them, figuratively speaking. So I abandoned my plans for the legal profession. I decided to become a banker because one of my professors said I should, although I didn’t fully understand what that career involved. I assumed I’d take people’s money,