Read Online Brocreation by Ashley Rogers - Free Book Online

It is present day.  Lights up on PAUL and RANDY’s apartment. There is a couch centre stage with a coffee table in front of it.  Stage right is a door leading to RANDY’s Bedroom.
    PAUL enters and slams the door.  He is carrying a human female arm with a piece of metal jutting out from the shoulder joint.  The fingernails are painted.  He slams the door locks it, puts the arm on the coffee table, and sits on the couch furiously rubbing his face in his hands.  He then puts his left hand to his ear and talks into his naked wrist.
    PAUL
    We’ve been compromised.  Repeat, we’ve been compromised!
     
    RANDY
(off stage)
    Paul, is that you?
     
     
    PAUL
    (To wrist)
    Must enact emergency protocol Alpha Sierra Sierra Delta India Charlie Kilo.  No, termination is not an option.
     
    RANDY enters.
     
    RANDY
    Hey Paul!
     
    PAUL
    End transmission.  Randy?!  Good, you’re here!
     
    RANDY
    Yeah. I was playing Destiny, putting off Professor Plumb’s stupid essay, but the game’s being all glitchy-
     
    PAUL
    I need help-
     
    RANDY
    The assignment is super clear dude, do you find Nabok/ov’s Lolita-
     
    PAUL
    Not with the essay!  I need you to do something-
     
     
     
    RANDY
    Does it have anything to do with that sweet robot arm?
    PAUL
    No not… sort of.
     
    RANDY
    It’s super realistic-
     
    PAUL
    Yeah- look, you need to-
     
    RANDY
    I think Ange has that nail / polish.
     
    PAUL
    Randy!  Shut up!  I don’t have time to explain but I need you to do some/thing.
     
    RANDY
    You spent all your rent money on that arm didn’t you?
     
    PAUL
    No you don’t understand-
     
    RANDY
    Don’t make this about me. You’re the one who wasted all his money on a prop, you’re always doing this spending your money on stupid crap and expecting me to pick up the rent bill.  Well Paul I’m not surprised but I’m still disa/
     
    PAUL kisses RANDY full on the mouth.
     
    /pointed.  
     
    PAUL
    We need to bang, right this very second.
     
    RANDY
    Paul I’m not gay.
     
    PAUL
    I know-
     
    RANDY
    I know you know because-
     
    PAUL
    I know because I’ve tried-
     
    RANDY
    Multiple times-
     
    PAUL
    So many times to get you to sleep with me but-
     
    RANDY
    Paul you’re a nice guy, fantastic roommate- albeit a financial clusterfuck- But Paul-
    PAUL
    If you don’t bang me I’ll die!
     
    RANDY
    You’re being desperate there buddy-
     
    PAUL
    I know how it sounds-
     
    RANDY
    I don’t think you do, because if you did you’d see how even if I were into it; that would ruin our whole roommate situation.
     
    PAUL
    Then marry me!
     
    RANDY
    Paul-
     
    PAUL
    Think about it!
     
    RANDY
    Stop it I’m not gay marrying you-
     
    PAUL
    It’s just a marriage.
     
    RANDY
    I’m a dude I’d be marrying another dude, that’s a gay marriage-
     
     
    PAUL
    Yeah but you don’t need to call it a gay marriage I don’t go gay swimming or gay renew my driver’s license-
     
    RANDY
    I’m still not into you like that-
     
    PAUL
    Fine then. Think of it as a monogamous relationship with your best friend and favourite roommate-
     
    RANDY
    So what, we get tax breaks and health insurance but… I could still get with chicks?
     
    PAUL
    No, monogamous, monogamous!
     
    RANDY
    I don’t bang other dudes!
     
    PAUL
    Then we wouldn’t bang!  You could just give up sex!  No?  Silence means no huh?  What if- what if I became a woman then!
     
    RANDY
    Not cool.
     
     
     
    PAUL
    I’ll get a sex change, we can get straight married and everyone wins!
     
     
    RANDY
    No and fuck you for suggesting that-
     
    PAUL makes an overdramatic shocked reaction.
     
    PAUL
    I cannot believe you could be so transphobic!  That you wouldn’t love me if I were a trans woman!
     
    RANDY
    I’m not transphobic-
     
    PAUL
    I don’t know Randy, you should probably, bang me now and prove it or else everyone will know what a transphobic douche you are.
     
    RANDY
    You’re the transphobic one!  Trying to exploit the struggle of a marginalized people,