Read Online Brocreation by Ashley Rogers - Free Book Online Page A

perpetuating the bullshit stereotype that they can choose their gender just so you can bully me into the sack!
     
     
    PAUL
    In all fairness I need you to bang me or I’ll die -
     
    RANDY
    Paul you’re not transgender and you’re not going to die if we don’t bang right this second!  It was flattering at first but this is getting really annoying.
     
    PAUL
    I guess there’s no sense in prolonging it then.  Randall Cyprus Howell I am not who you think I am. My name is Paul E. Five Seven Four Four Two and I am from the future-
     
    RANDY
    Bull-
     
    PAUL
    Seriously! I was sent back into the past to stop the evil Techno Tyrant Randall Cyprus Howell Junior / from rising to power-
     
    RANDY
    Wait wait wait wait-
     
    PAUL
    I need to finish-
     
    RANDY
    SO in the future my son, I’m assuming he is my son because of the name, becomes this uh- tech-
     
     
    PAUL
    Techno Tyrant yes he’s basically like four Hitlers all in one.  I was sent to the past to ensure he is never conceived.
     
    RANDY
    My son, my future son, is some sort of Quadruple Hitler-
     
    PAUL
    Yeah Hitler times four… Quad Hitler with laser beam eyes-
     
    RANDY
    Laser Beam eyes you say-
     
    PAUL
    Yes and that’s why you have to bang me, bang me now so Quad mega mecha Hitler is never born.
     
    RANDY
    You- you do understand how straight relationships… and human reproduction works right?  I mean, let’s say, hypothetically we do bang- I can still get a girl, the mother to my supposed quad Hitler baby, pregnant.
     
    PAUL
    Hypothetically, yeah, that’s true but you won’t because of my rigorous training you won’t ever-
     
    RANDY starts laughing.
     
    PAUL
    Don’t laugh!  Humans in the future exist solely as living batteries.
     
    RANDY
    That’s the Matrix!  That logic was bullshit in 2000 and its bullshit now.  There are better ways to power a machine.  Has the Technocracy never heard of wind power?  Solar power maybe?
     
    PAUL
    I know that but it doesn’t stop your little bundle of Hitler from progressing the way he has- you know coal is bad but you still use it-
     
    RANDY
    I don’t-
     
     
    PAUL
    As a people, you as a people -
     
    RANDY
    My Hitler baby would never do that because I would not only instil in him the “Don’t be Hitler,” rule a rule which I think all good parents should adopt, but also because he’d know humans as batteries was a STUPID and wasteful concept!
    PAUL
    Just- Bang me so I don’t die!  We’ve already wasted too much time!
     
    RANDY
    I’m not going to bang you!
     
    PAUL
    That arm…  That arm belongs to the techno Tyrant’s futuristic kill bot who tried to take me out.
     
    RANDY
    Nope!  
     
    PAUL
    I was able to remove its good arm before it could shoot me-
     
    RANDY
    Us banging is not going to stop this killbot!  Is it allergic to gay sex-?
     
     
    PAUL
    Why’s it gotta be gay sex?  You don’t say you’re having straight sex-
     
    RANDY
    You’re an idiot!
     
    PAUL
    If we bang now it could start a chain reaction of you never banging another woman and therefore never having Quad Mega Mecha Hitler, and then he’d never send a kill bot because he and they wouldn’t exist thus you banging me saves us both from the fate of the killbots!
     
    RANDY
    Then why not kill me?
     
    PAUL
    Not an option.
     
    RANDY
    It seems like you could avoid this whole mess by killing me-
     
    PAUL
    No!
     
    RANDY
    I don’t want to die dude.  I don’t have some freaky death wish, but by your logic if I die, no Hitler baby.   
     
    PAUL
    I refuse to lose you, Randy I- I-
     
    RANDY
    You’re what?  Really talking yourself into a hole?  I found the flaw in your logic just admit-
     
    PAUL
    I can’t lose you- not again- I love-
     
    RANDY
    Stop.  Right.  There.  Paul.  I can’t deal with this anymore; I want you out of here by the end of the week.
     
    PAUL
    No Randy no, if you bail on me I won’t be here by the end of the week. I’ll be dead!  
     
    RANDY
    I refuse to be bullied into sex.