Read Online Zorilla At Large! by William Stafford - Free Book Online Page A

From claims of a serial killer to reported sightings of the marauding, murderous monster that was stalking the good people (and some of the misbehaved) of Dedley and slashing their throats to ribbons.
    Superintendent Ball was incensed. He slapped the late edition of the Dedley Organ on Chief Inspector Wheeler’s desk. “Where are they getting it all, Karen?” He sounded exasperated. Wheeler wouldn’t deign to give the newspaper a glance.
    â€œThey’m making it up, Kevin. Like newspapers always do. I wouldn’t wipe my arse on it.”
    â€œWell, it might come to that, the way these cutbacks are going. Have you got a leak, do you think?”
    â€œHoi! I was buying those pads for an elderly neighbour.”
    â€œNo, I mean, do you think anyone in Serious...”
    â€œDon’t you fucking dare!” Wheeler jabbed the air in front of him with an angry finger. Superintendent Ball flinched.
    â€œLook at you, mother lion protecting her cubs! Which reminds me...” he opened the paper. “It doesn’t help that our friends at the zoo are running some kind of competition. They’re offering a reward for information leading to the recapture of the missing zorilla.”
    â€œFor fuck’s sake,” Wheeler sneered at the photograph of the creature’s face. “On one page they’m warning people to stay indoors and on the next, they’m sending them out on a wild beaver hunt.”
    â€œIt does seem a tad contradictory,” Ball agreed. “I shall prepare a statement.”
    â€œI’ve got one ready,” said Wheeler. “And it’s only two words long.”
    â€œI can imagine. I’ll handle the press, Karen. You carry on with –” He didn’t need to complete the sentence. Wheeler knew time was running out. She had to make her decision soon.
    Ball strode out. Wheeler sat at her desk and peered at the shot of the zorilla.
    â€œLittle bastard.” She pulled out a marker pen and adorned the photograph with spectacles and a goatee beard.
    ***
    Brough excused himself from Miller and secluded himself in a cubicle in the Gents. The one nearest the window got the strongest signal - according to that wanker Stevens who was always nipping in for what he called ‘a crafty squint’ at a special interest video clip. Even so, Brough found through a process of trial and error that he had to sit on the cistern and place his feet on the lid, holding his smart phone at arm’s length as though his eyesight was failing. Perhaps that wanker Stevens would know about that too.
    Hey babe whats up
    So said an instant message from Oscar Buzz. Brough had trained himself not to cringe at the absence of punctuation and appropriate capitalisation; he would allow his handsome Hollywood boyfriend to get away with anything.
    Work is doing my head in
    Brough replied.
    When can I see you?
    There followed an agonising wait for Oscar’s answer. A little speech bubble appeared, containing an ellipsis. It seemed to take forever for words to come through.
    Can skype u later hun
    Brough felt a twinge in his trousers. Skyping with Oscar meant a private movie, a live performance and, as exciting as these always were, it was not what Brough was after.
    I mean ‘see you’ see you. When may we get together?
    Don’t know babe am down under for 6 more wks
    Brough groaned.
    â€œThat you, Dave?” came a voice from the neighbouring cubicle. Brough froze in alarm: Stevens! “Having a crafty squint?”
    â€œI most certainly am not!” was Brough’s indignant retort.
    Stevens laughed. “Don’t mind me. You carry on. Only things are about to get a bit explosive any second now. That kebab I had at lunchtime is about to make a bid for freedom - oogh!”
    Brough fled from the Gents before he could hear any more.
    â€œFuck me,” Stevens wiped tears from his eyes. “Stinks like a fucking zorilla in