my skin? Or was it excitement?
I wasn’t sure.
Nothing is inevitable. We make choices.
And I will always choose you .
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to say.
But I clutched my phone to my chest, heart pounding frantically.
Ethan was snoring now and I raised my foot and slammed it down into the mattress, completely annoyed by the buzzing sound he was making. He cut off mid-snore, snorting and jerking out of sleep briefly, before settling back. I immediately felt guilty.
Hot blooded.
It was true.
The next day I glanced at my phone a hundred times throughout the day, expecting another barrage of texts. But Heath was silent. I’d overslept again that morning and I’d felt groggy all day. It was a new feeling for me and after three days in a row it was starting to wear on me.
Ethan met me for lunch and he was acting weird. Nervous. He dropped his cup twice and evaded my stare. He babbled on about something in his finance class and swallowed repeatedly.
So not him.
Suspicious, I stabbed a piece of lettuce with my fork. “Are you okay?”
“Huh? Yeah, why? Sure, of course.”
Because that wasn’t obvious or anything. “You are such a bad liar. Like literally the worst. What’s going on?”
He sighed and finally looked at me. “Okay, I did something shitty.”
For Ethan that probably meant he’d had three cups of coffee instead of two. Or he’d accidentally run over a skunk while driving. “What?”
“I looked at your phone this morning while you were sleeping.”
I was so shocked that a piece of lettuce fell off my fork. “What? Why would you do that?” It was so unlike him I didn’t even know what to say.
“Because I thought that your foster brother might have contacted you.”
Obviously he’d seen the texts. I was pissed off that he didn’t trust me. And also a little nervous as to his reaction to them. When you feel guilty, you go on the defensive and I heard myself doing that before I could think about the consequences. “You could have just asked me. I would have been honest with you.”
“You could have told me without me having to ask.”
“He texted me last night when you were asleep already. Was I supposed to wake you up and tell you?” I went back to my salad, unable to look at him. There was nothing inappropriate about my responses to Heath the night before. Hadn’t I said I was with Ethan? I had.
“I’m sorry. I saw what you wrote, that you’re with me and are going to stay with me.” He looked ashamed and uncomfortable. “But he was obviously more than a brother.”
This was not a conversation I wanted to be having but I also didn’t want it between us, to repeatedly come up every time we had some sort of disagreement. I’d never known Ethan to be insecure and I didn’t like it. It drove people to do stupid shit like look in someone’s phone. I wanted trust between us. I didn’t want to have to put a lock on my phone just so he wouldn’t violate my privacy. I had nothing to hide, but he had no right to sneak around behind my back.
“You’re right. He was. And I told you we were close. He was very important to me. But I haven’t see him or spoken to him in four years. I think it’s natural that we might want to contact each other, just a little bit.”
“But why haven’t you spoken to each other?” He frowned, his brow furrowing. “That doesn’t make sense unless you had a fight.”
My throat felt tight. “We didn’t have a fight. But social services was planning to investigate him. Our relationship. I was sixteen most of the time he lived with us and he was eighteen.” I wasn’t going to spell it out for him. “So he left and joined the Marines.”
“But he’s still in love with you.” He stated it as fact.
I shrugged, though I felt anything but nonchalant. “I don’t know what he is. But seeing him brought back a lot of memories and I wanted to know he’s okay.” Answers to difficult questions. I wasn’t sure I had gotten
I wasn’t sure.
Nothing is inevitable. We make choices.
And I will always choose you .
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to say.
But I clutched my phone to my chest, heart pounding frantically.
Ethan was snoring now and I raised my foot and slammed it down into the mattress, completely annoyed by the buzzing sound he was making. He cut off mid-snore, snorting and jerking out of sleep briefly, before settling back. I immediately felt guilty.
Hot blooded.
It was true.
The next day I glanced at my phone a hundred times throughout the day, expecting another barrage of texts. But Heath was silent. I’d overslept again that morning and I’d felt groggy all day. It was a new feeling for me and after three days in a row it was starting to wear on me.
Ethan met me for lunch and he was acting weird. Nervous. He dropped his cup twice and evaded my stare. He babbled on about something in his finance class and swallowed repeatedly.
So not him.
Suspicious, I stabbed a piece of lettuce with my fork. “Are you okay?”
“Huh? Yeah, why? Sure, of course.”
Because that wasn’t obvious or anything. “You are such a bad liar. Like literally the worst. What’s going on?”
He sighed and finally looked at me. “Okay, I did something shitty.”
For Ethan that probably meant he’d had three cups of coffee instead of two. Or he’d accidentally run over a skunk while driving. “What?”
“I looked at your phone this morning while you were sleeping.”
I was so shocked that a piece of lettuce fell off my fork. “What? Why would you do that?” It was so unlike him I didn’t even know what to say.
“Because I thought that your foster brother might have contacted you.”
Obviously he’d seen the texts. I was pissed off that he didn’t trust me. And also a little nervous as to his reaction to them. When you feel guilty, you go on the defensive and I heard myself doing that before I could think about the consequences. “You could have just asked me. I would have been honest with you.”
“You could have told me without me having to ask.”
“He texted me last night when you were asleep already. Was I supposed to wake you up and tell you?” I went back to my salad, unable to look at him. There was nothing inappropriate about my responses to Heath the night before. Hadn’t I said I was with Ethan? I had.
“I’m sorry. I saw what you wrote, that you’re with me and are going to stay with me.” He looked ashamed and uncomfortable. “But he was obviously more than a brother.”
This was not a conversation I wanted to be having but I also didn’t want it between us, to repeatedly come up every time we had some sort of disagreement. I’d never known Ethan to be insecure and I didn’t like it. It drove people to do stupid shit like look in someone’s phone. I wanted trust between us. I didn’t want to have to put a lock on my phone just so he wouldn’t violate my privacy. I had nothing to hide, but he had no right to sneak around behind my back.
“You’re right. He was. And I told you we were close. He was very important to me. But I haven’t see him or spoken to him in four years. I think it’s natural that we might want to contact each other, just a little bit.”
“But why haven’t you spoken to each other?” He frowned, his brow furrowing. “That doesn’t make sense unless you had a fight.”
My throat felt tight. “We didn’t have a fight. But social services was planning to investigate him. Our relationship. I was sixteen most of the time he lived with us and he was eighteen.” I wasn’t going to spell it out for him. “So he left and joined the Marines.”
“But he’s still in love with you.” He stated it as fact.
I shrugged, though I felt anything but nonchalant. “I don’t know what he is. But seeing him brought back a lot of memories and I wanted to know he’s okay.” Answers to difficult questions. I wasn’t sure I had gotten
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