Read Online Year of Lesser by David Bergen - Free Book Online Page B

Johnny presses his fingers to his forehead, squeezes his eyes shut, cries a little, and whispers a need for forgiveness.
    On Sunday, before the baptism, Johnny calls up Phil Barkman and says, “I don’t think this is right. My life is not exactly on solid ground these days. Charlene and I are not doing well. Loraine Wallace is going to have my baby. I drive down the highway and big trucks bear down on me and I think I’m not ready to die, to be baptized. You see?”
    Phil doesn’t seem shocked or upset by Johnny’s revelations. Johnny can hear kids playing in the background. Phil says, “You think there’ll be a better time? I mean, you have to be sure. I can’t decide for you. This one’s all yours; not your wife’s, not Loraine’s, nor should it have much to do with this sense of imminent death you seem to have. Of course you want to be sure things are right with everyone in your life. Have you made your peace? But most of all you want to listen to the Holy Spirit. What does the Spirit want you to do?”
    Johnny hangs up, still confused. He tries to read the Bible but nods off.He sleeps too long and wakes with a feeling of both panic and anticipation. There are three cars in the church parking lot when he arrives. Inside he finds Melissa Emery, Phil, and one other man whom Phil introduces as his brother-in-law, Brian.
    “Are you ready?” Phil asks.
    “Sure.”
    “Turnout’s low tonight,” Phil says. He shakes his head.
    “No problem,” Johnny says. He finds himself amused.
    The main auditorium is vast and bright. Johnny changes downstairs; he wears underwear, purple briefs, beneath a white gown. He keeps on his socks. His hands shake; he is cold. Phil is already standing in the water when Johnny walks up to the edge of the baptistry tank. He steps down into the water, grateful for its warmth. Through the short panel of glass, against which the water laps, he can see Melissa’s red lips and Brian’s bald head. Then, Phil has him by the shoulders, clasps his hands, and speaks into Johnny’s ear. Asks him all those things that are necessary, things about Jesus and sins and the Holy Spirit, and Johnny says yes to all of them. Finally, he’s submerged and then he rises again, water dripping off his ears. Later, he and Phil change into dry clothes in a Sunday school room in the basement. They rub towels against goose-pimply skin. Their shared nakedness keeps them silent and thoughtful. Johnny turns his body slightly so Phil can’t see his privates; though he does manage to sneak a look at Phil’s and what he sees is nothing to brag about. Johnny slips his bare feet into brown shoes. His hair is tousled, his back still wet. Phil, dressed now, asks if he feels okay.
    “Yes,” Johnny says, and Phil hugs him. While they are holding each other Johnny thinks about how Phil looks when he’s naked. He shakes his head and tries to recall Melissa Emery’s red mouth. He hopes she will still be up there in that large vestibule, waiting to shake hands and wish him well. Then he remembers the voice he heard just before he went under the water. It was a groan or a chant, and he still isn’t sure if it was Melissa Emery babbling with delight or his own voice crying out at the high varnished rafters of the empty building.

THE MIND OF CHRIS
    Loraine is losing her son. For some time now he’s been chafing. But as fall slides away and the world is at the edge of winter, Chris decides to take his hatred for this meagre life and throw it back at his mother. It’s like Loraine is standing at the edge of a river and Chris is walking out into the middle where the ice is thin and dangerous. She calls out to him but he ignores her. There’s nothing Loraine can do but watch. Some mornings, at breakfast, she watches him drop his chin near a bowl and spoon up cereal, and she thinks that all is okay, that Chris is still her little boy, that whatever ugliness she saw in him yesterday was exceptional and is dead today. But then