Josephine’s this afternoon to get my pecker wet. And then I guess me and the boy fried up some cube steak and hit the hay.”
“So when’s the last time you saw Laura?”
“You mean the bitch?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“I’ve just been calling her the bitch for so long I’d almost forgotten she had a real God-given name.” Daddy smirked, and the way he talked about her, the way he always talked about her, got me riled. But I never had the gall to say anything about it. “Aw, she came over wanting to borrow some money about two or three months back, but other than that, I don’t have shit to do with her.”
“So neither one of you has had any type of contact with her?”
“No.”
I don’t know if it was my way of speaking up after holding back for all those years, or if I’d just grown tired of listening to those two ramble on, but I stepped out of Daddy’s shadow for the first time in my life and looked Lieutenant Rogers dead where that cigarette kept his face aglow. “I saw her yesterday.”
Daddy turned with eyes that looked as if they’d just been hit with a drip torch. We never mentioned her, and if her name ever got brought up, he dogged her and expected me to keep quiet. “The fuck you did.”
I tried to look at Daddy, but the way he stared turned me coward. “I went by there yesterday.”
It was eating at him that after all these years I’d went to see her the day before. His fists clenched and his jaw pulsed. I thought he was going to hit me.
“Say you saw her yesterday, son?” Rogers asked.
“Yes.”
“And was she on the dope then?”
“She was just getting started, I reckon.”
Rogers straightened himself off of the Expedition and folded his arms just like my father. “Now I know the two of you are well aware of what type of life she’s come to lead, and I know the two of you was around to witness it. But I’m going to tell you that the place she’s at right this second is a place that very few ever get to. There are folks going on weeklong vacations with dope crammed plumb up into their brains, and those folks start seeing shit and talking to things that just ain’t there. That comes with the territory. But where she’s at, where she’s at after all these years, is a place long gone from ever getting back from.”
“The boy here’s just too fucking stupid, Jessup.” Daddy still had that meanness lighting him afire, and I kept my mouth shut and didn’t look at him.
“We took her tonight and didn’t charge her. We committed her, you see, and they’ll keep her in there for a week or two if the beds are empty, but probably less, and then she’ll be right back there doing it all again. I’m saying this more for you, boy, than anything else.” Rogers pulled the cigarette from between his teeth and fixed his eyes onto me. “Don’t go latching your feet into stirrups on a horse that’s run lame. It ain’t going to get you anywhere.”
It wasn’t like he was telling me something I hadn’t known my whole life, but at the same time I appreciated the fact that he’d said it. Rogers was tough as piss oak, but he had a heart. I reckon if my daddy had ever been much of a father, that would have been the type of thing he would have carried, some blend of toughness and compassion. But if he had it at all it was something I’d seldom witnessed.
“Thing is, son, a woman like that is just waiting around to die,” Lieutenant Rogers finally said.
Rogers was trying hard to offer some sort of insight into a reality that he knew led to hurt. But I’d known it since I was a kid. That was my reality: the hurt, the shame, and everything else entailed. So, waiting around to die was something I’d known for a long time, and it wasn’t the dying part that ate at me. It was the waiting.
9.
I was standing on the inside of a glass door, one of those sliding glass doors folks use to separate kitchens from patios for easy access to grilled hot dogs when the house is full for
“So when’s the last time you saw Laura?”
“You mean the bitch?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“I’ve just been calling her the bitch for so long I’d almost forgotten she had a real God-given name.” Daddy smirked, and the way he talked about her, the way he always talked about her, got me riled. But I never had the gall to say anything about it. “Aw, she came over wanting to borrow some money about two or three months back, but other than that, I don’t have shit to do with her.”
“So neither one of you has had any type of contact with her?”
“No.”
I don’t know if it was my way of speaking up after holding back for all those years, or if I’d just grown tired of listening to those two ramble on, but I stepped out of Daddy’s shadow for the first time in my life and looked Lieutenant Rogers dead where that cigarette kept his face aglow. “I saw her yesterday.”
Daddy turned with eyes that looked as if they’d just been hit with a drip torch. We never mentioned her, and if her name ever got brought up, he dogged her and expected me to keep quiet. “The fuck you did.”
I tried to look at Daddy, but the way he stared turned me coward. “I went by there yesterday.”
It was eating at him that after all these years I’d went to see her the day before. His fists clenched and his jaw pulsed. I thought he was going to hit me.
“Say you saw her yesterday, son?” Rogers asked.
“Yes.”
“And was she on the dope then?”
“She was just getting started, I reckon.”
Rogers straightened himself off of the Expedition and folded his arms just like my father. “Now I know the two of you are well aware of what type of life she’s come to lead, and I know the two of you was around to witness it. But I’m going to tell you that the place she’s at right this second is a place that very few ever get to. There are folks going on weeklong vacations with dope crammed plumb up into their brains, and those folks start seeing shit and talking to things that just ain’t there. That comes with the territory. But where she’s at, where she’s at after all these years, is a place long gone from ever getting back from.”
“The boy here’s just too fucking stupid, Jessup.” Daddy still had that meanness lighting him afire, and I kept my mouth shut and didn’t look at him.
“We took her tonight and didn’t charge her. We committed her, you see, and they’ll keep her in there for a week or two if the beds are empty, but probably less, and then she’ll be right back there doing it all again. I’m saying this more for you, boy, than anything else.” Rogers pulled the cigarette from between his teeth and fixed his eyes onto me. “Don’t go latching your feet into stirrups on a horse that’s run lame. It ain’t going to get you anywhere.”
It wasn’t like he was telling me something I hadn’t known my whole life, but at the same time I appreciated the fact that he’d said it. Rogers was tough as piss oak, but he had a heart. I reckon if my daddy had ever been much of a father, that would have been the type of thing he would have carried, some blend of toughness and compassion. But if he had it at all it was something I’d seldom witnessed.
“Thing is, son, a woman like that is just waiting around to die,” Lieutenant Rogers finally said.
Rogers was trying hard to offer some sort of insight into a reality that he knew led to hurt. But I’d known it since I was a kid. That was my reality: the hurt, the shame, and everything else entailed. So, waiting around to die was something I’d known for a long time, and it wasn’t the dying part that ate at me. It was the waiting.
9.
I was standing on the inside of a glass door, one of those sliding glass doors folks use to separate kitchens from patios for easy access to grilled hot dogs when the house is full for