wrapping it around her finger. “Eva was awake, right?”
“Of course not,” Addie said. “That’s not pos—”
I said.
The rest of Addie’s sentence lodged in our throat. It hurt to breathe around.
I hesitated. Lissa and Ryan watched us, studying our face. But I knew Addie wasn’t paying them any attention.
I said.
Addie faltered.
Stunned silence. Her astonishment swirled bright and wild around me.
she said
I said, unable to stand it any longer. The very knowledge pushed at our bones.
she said. Then again, softer.
“Addie?” Lissa said. Her fingers hovered above our arm.
Addie looked up. Our lips parted. Then the sound came, hoarse and crackly. “Eva talked?”
Lissa smiled. “She did.”
Addie stared. She didn’t speak, not even to me. I matched her silence. I didn’t know what to say. And then, suddenly, she tried to stand. Our legs felt too frail to support our weight. “I’m . . . I’m going to go home.”
Lissa grabbed our arm as we wobbled. “No, Addie, stay. Please stay.”
“Wait a little longer. I’ll walk you back,” Ryan said. Addie looked at him. She didn’t even know he was Ryan, I realized. She thought he was still Devon.
“I’m okay,” she said. She tugged out of Lissa’s grasp and sleepwalked toward the kitchen. They hurried after us, their feet slapping against the hardwood floor.
“I’m coming with you,” Lissa called. “Just wait a second, Addie. I’m—”
Addie seemed not to hear.
I said quietly as we stumbled and had to grab the counter. Addie didn’t respond. I didn’t mention it again.
She slipped into our shoes without tying the laces. But when she reached for our book bag, Ryan was already holding it. He nodded for us to go through the door first.
“I’ll go, Ryan,” Lissa said. “I can go—”
I didn’t know how the argument ended. I couldn’t hear because Addie had already stepped over the threshold, our shoelaces clacking as we walked. I heard the door close behind us. Then a voice by our ear: “You should tie your shoes or you’ll trip on them.”
Addie bent down and did the knots. Our fingers fumbled with the laces. When we stood again, Ryan was watching us.
“Well, come on,” he said, not unkindly. “I don’t know where you live, so you’re going to have to lead the way.”
They walked the first two blocks in silence, the mosquitoes out in full force. The humidity made it feel like we were slogging through sheets of suspended rain. The sky was straight out of a picture book, so perfect summer-spring blue it hurt to look at.
I couldn’t tell what Addie was thinking. Her mind was blank, her emotions boxed. The few cars on the road rushed by us as if we didn’t exist. They didn’t know who we were. What we’d done.
What I’d done. Spoken.
I’d spoken.
“What did she say?”
“Sorry?” Ryan said, turning to face us.
It took Addie a moment to repeat herself. “What did she say?”
“Who, Eva?” he asked.
She nodded.
Ryan frowned. “What do you mean?”
It didn’t make sense to him why Addie would ask him instead of me. I didn’t know, either. I didn’t think Addie knew.
“I want to know what Eva said while I was asleep,” Addie said. Our voice was low, almost raspy.
He was quiet for a second before answering. “She said: ‘I can’t.’” He inflected the last two words to show they were mine.
“Can’t what?”
“Why don’t you ask her?” he said.
Addie didn’t reply. Ryan looked away again, but he said, “Does that make you happy? That she spoke?”
“ Happy ?” said Addie.
Ryan stopped walking. Our eyes dropped to the ground.
“Happy,” Addie said again, softer. The lukewarm, waterlogged air
“Of course not,” Addie said. “That’s not pos—”
I said.
The rest of Addie’s sentence lodged in our throat. It hurt to breathe around.
I hesitated. Lissa and Ryan watched us, studying our face. But I knew Addie wasn’t paying them any attention.
I said.
Stunned silence. Her astonishment swirled bright and wild around me.
I said, unable to stand it any longer. The very knowledge pushed at our bones.
“Addie?” Lissa said. Her fingers hovered above our arm.
Addie looked up. Our lips parted. Then the sound came, hoarse and crackly. “Eva talked?”
Lissa smiled. “She did.”
Addie stared. She didn’t speak, not even to me. I matched her silence. I didn’t know what to say. And then, suddenly, she tried to stand. Our legs felt too frail to support our weight. “I’m . . . I’m going to go home.”
Lissa grabbed our arm as we wobbled. “No, Addie, stay. Please stay.”
“Wait a little longer. I’ll walk you back,” Ryan said. Addie looked at him. She didn’t even know he was Ryan, I realized. She thought he was still Devon.
“I’m okay,” she said. She tugged out of Lissa’s grasp and sleepwalked toward the kitchen. They hurried after us, their feet slapping against the hardwood floor.
“I’m coming with you,” Lissa called. “Just wait a second, Addie. I’m—”
Addie seemed not to hear.
She slipped into our shoes without tying the laces. But when she reached for our book bag, Ryan was already holding it. He nodded for us to go through the door first.
“I’ll go, Ryan,” Lissa said. “I can go—”
I didn’t know how the argument ended. I couldn’t hear because Addie had already stepped over the threshold, our shoelaces clacking as we walked. I heard the door close behind us. Then a voice by our ear: “You should tie your shoes or you’ll trip on them.”
Addie bent down and did the knots. Our fingers fumbled with the laces. When we stood again, Ryan was watching us.
“Well, come on,” he said, not unkindly. “I don’t know where you live, so you’re going to have to lead the way.”
They walked the first two blocks in silence, the mosquitoes out in full force. The humidity made it feel like we were slogging through sheets of suspended rain. The sky was straight out of a picture book, so perfect summer-spring blue it hurt to look at.
I couldn’t tell what Addie was thinking. Her mind was blank, her emotions boxed. The few cars on the road rushed by us as if we didn’t exist. They didn’t know who we were. What we’d done.
What I’d done. Spoken.
I’d spoken.
“What did she say?”
“Sorry?” Ryan said, turning to face us.
It took Addie a moment to repeat herself. “What did she say?”
“Who, Eva?” he asked.
She nodded.
Ryan frowned. “What do you mean?”
It didn’t make sense to him why Addie would ask him instead of me. I didn’t know, either. I didn’t think Addie knew.
“I want to know what Eva said while I was asleep,” Addie said. Our voice was low, almost raspy.
He was quiet for a second before answering. “She said: ‘I can’t.’” He inflected the last two words to show they were mine.
“Can’t what?”
“Why don’t you ask her?” he said.
Addie didn’t reply. Ryan looked away again, but he said, “Does that make you happy? That she spoke?”
“ Happy ?” said Addie.
Ryan stopped walking. Our eyes dropped to the ground.
“Happy,” Addie said again, softer. The lukewarm, waterlogged air
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