Don’t you dare, not after you fucking seduced me and changed my whole life!”
“That’s not what I’m saying at all. I don’t want to stop seeing you.” Tucking his softened prick away, Sam fastened his jeans. Clumps of congealing spunk smeared across the fabric. He thought idly that he should clean up, but it didn’t seem very important just then. “But you’re not ready to come out yet. Not even to our friends. I’d be stupid if I didn’t see what that might mean for us.”
Bo stopped pacing in mid-step, whirled and glared at Sam. “Oh, I see. It’s not good enough for you that I’m divorcing my wife, breaking up my family? It’s not good enough that I’ve broken every professional rule there is by having sex with you at the office? If we can’t skip down the goddamn street hand in hand, then we can’t be together at all? Is that it?”
Something inside Sam snapped. Before he could stop himself, all the venom he’d bottled up for months came flooding out.
“Most people in their thirties and forties don’t have to sneak around like kids to see each other,” he shot back. “I think I deserve to be more than someone’s nasty little secret. And you know as well as I do that there hasn’t been any sex. We’ve never even seen each other naked. Is that your idea of an adult relationship? Because it sure as hell isn’t mine.”
The second the words were out, Sam wished he could take them back. The brief satisfaction of telling Bo exactly how he felt would never be worth the hurt and shame and despair in Bo’s eyes at that moment.
Taking a tentative step forward, Sam reached for Bo, wanting more than anything to make it better. “Bo, I’m sorry.”
Bo danced out of reach, shaking his head. Turning without a word, he fled down the hall. Sam watched him disappear into the men’s room. He ached to follow, to hold Bo and kiss him and touch him until those vicious words were forgotten. But he knew neither of them could possibly forget what he’d said. It would hang between them like a lead curtain until the problem was resolved. Until either Bo decided to take the plunge and out himself, or he and Sam broke up for good.
Sam knew which outcome was most likely, and it tore him up inside.
Fifteen minutes later, Bo emerged from the bathroom, his shirt and jeans splotched with water. His face was blank, lips pressed together. He wouldn’t look at Sam, but Sam saw the redness rimming Bo’s swollen eyes. Sam wondered if Bo would ever forgive him. He was pretty sure he’d never forgive himself.
Sighing inwardly, Sam shuffled down the hall to the restroom to get himself cleaned up. If he did his own crying and cursing and wishing things were different, he figured it was his own business. Bo didn’t need to know.
Sam ran, the cold air burning his lungs, sweat trickling down his back as his feet pounded the pavement. Bienville Square slipped slowly past on his right. The gnarled old oaks loomed half-seen through the early morning fog, bare branches dark and sinister. Sam imagined they were reaching for him, grasping vainly at his clothes as he passed.
Normally, he wouldn’t be out this early on a Sunday. He preferred to laze around his little apartment on his mornings off, curled in the chair in front of the window, sipping his coffee and watching the city come alive. Today, however, he’d woken before dawn after a few hours of restless sleep, with a smothering sense of being caged. Unwilling to examine the cause of it too closely, he’d pulled on sweats, gloves and a knit cap, and gone for a run.
He’d set out in the gray stillness before the sun rose. An hour had passed, the fog beginning to glow as golden light filtered through the trees, and he still hadn’t run far enough to escape the previous day.
Bo had spent the afternoon acting as if nothing had happened between them. If it hadn’t been for the tension in Bo’s shoulders and his carefully neutral expression, Sam would’ve doubted his own
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