there was nothing I could do to stop
it.
CHARLOTTE
My whole body was shaking. Thoughts swirled through my head,
impossible to untangle. My heart
pounded, sending blood whooshing through my veins so loudly I was afraid I was
going to have a heart attack.
“Charlotte,” Noah was saying, but he
sounded like he was talking to me from a tunnel, his voice echoing off the
walls. “You’re having a panic
attack.”
“No,” I shook my head. I didn’t have panic attacks.
My fingers and toes were numb, and I felt
Noah’s hand on the back of my neck. I was shaking, and my entire body felt cold, the way you would after
coming inside after a long day out in the snow.
“Lie down,” he commanded, and I felt him
guiding me down on the bed gently, my head sinking into the pillow.
As soon as I was lying down, my stomach
stopped rolling, and my fingers and toes started to tingle, as if they were
waking up. I flexed them over and
over until they began to feel normal. My heart rate started to slow.
Noah disappeared for a moment and then
returned with a glass of water, made me take a sip.
He walked to the other side of the bed,
lied down next to me and pushed my hair off my forehead. His touch was calming, safe.
“Better?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Good.”
I clung to him, holding his shoulders
tight. His arms were loose around
my waist, and I had a moment of panic, thinking that maybe he was going to do
what he’d done before– leave me, thinking he was protecting me.
The calm I was feeling began to
dissipate, but my panic didn’t come back – instead I was filled with a
reckless feeling. This was only
the beginning. My name on the
witness list was just the first surprise in whatever else was waiting inside of
that folder.
There would be evidence.
Evidence tying Noah to Katie’s murder,
evidence I probably hadn’t heard about until now.
They have nothing, a voice in my head whispered. They have absolutely nothing. He would have told you. He’s not a murderer.
I wanted to show him I believed him,
wanted to show him that I trusted him, that this wouldn’t tear us apart.
So I pushed my leg up onto his, letting
the robe I was wearing fall open slightly in the front.
I moved my lips toward his neck, inhaling
his scent, brushing my cheek against his skin. I kissed him softly on the chin, then reached out and traced
the lines of his collarbone. He
was so goddamn beautiful. His
body, his face, his cock, his heart, his soul. Everything about him was beautiful.
I felt like I was standing on a cliff,
looking down into a dark abyss.
Once I looked in that folder, everything
was going to change.
I pushed my body into his.
“Charlotte…” he said.
“What?” I asked, moving my hand down over
the smooth planes of his stomach. He was dressed in just his boxers, and when I got to the waistband, I
slid my hand underneath.
But Noah grabbed my wrist. “Don’t.”
“Why?” I breathed. “Don’t you want me?” I pushed my robe open more, exposing my
breasts to him.
“Not like this.”
“Not like what?”
“Not like you trying to fuck so you don’t
have to face the truth.”
I climbed on top of him. It the first time I’d ever been on top of
him, and I loosened my robe completely so that he had full access to my
body. I felt him harden underneath
me.
“That’s not why I’m doing it,” I
said. It was a lie and he knew it.
It seemed to anger him. He grabbed my hips and pushed me off,
flipping me over so that I was on my back. He straddled me, holding my arms down on the bed. “Don’t lie.”
“Please,” I begged. I tried to push my pelvis against his
hard cock, tried to make him see how badly I wanted him, needed to feel him
inside of me, to feel our bodies tangled together.
I saw the struggle on his face. He knew exactly why I was doing
this. He knew I was avoiding
whatever was
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