Read Online Wallflower at the Orgy by Nora Ephron - Free Book Online Page B

fashion? Is she pretty-pretty? Does she have a Florentine nose? Even if I can’t make a woman beautiful, I can make her
interesting.
” But I
am
interesting, Mark Traynor. It’s
beautiful
I want to be.
    Am writing article to go with makeover. What a relief. When Before picture is printed, I can write, “I never looked that bad.” Am even considering having hair done for Before picture. “That,” said my husband, “is like cleaning the house before the maid comes.” Actually, I do that too.
Tuesday
    Went to big noisy flashing psychedelic party tonight where told forty-five people
Cosmopolitan
making me over. All said it was great. Forty-sixth person said he liked me the way I am.
Wednesday
    Before picture being taken today. Up at seven a.m. Washed hair. Set hair. Sat under dryer with moisture cream on face. Combed out hair. Applied make-up base and eye make-up. Put on favorite dress with openwork stockings. Flung open door at eleven a.m. to welcome Beauty Editor and Photographer. “This is me without any make-up,” I said. Beauty Editor looked distressed. “You don’t look bad enough,” she said. “Do you have a bobby pin?” Curses. Had one. Beauty Editor pinned back hair in horribly unflattering style. Photographer began shooting.
    “I feel I must tell you,” I told him, “my left eyelid droops.”
    He looked. “Right,” he said, and went on shooting. And shooting. And shooting. Me
au naturel
. Me less
au naturel
. Me inside. Me outside. Beauty Editor, having pondered how to make me over, reached decision. “You have a good daytime look,” she said. “Maybe we should try for a nighttime look, for a glamorous new you.” Yippee! A glamorous new me.
    Everett and Cathy over for dinner. Told them this would be the last they would see of old unglamorous me and my good daytime look. “You mean,” asked Everett, “that now you’re Before and tomorrow night you’ll be After?” Yes, saidI, smugly. “That’s great,” he said, “because at least there won’t be any During.”
    DURING
    Thursday
    The big day for the new me. Arrived Lupe’s ten a.m. Beauty Editor and Photographer waiting. Lupe appeared: boyish, Spanish, Pierre Cardin suit, Gucci shoes, solid-gold scissors. “What we are doing now,” he said, “is de ringlets in de front and de shaggy in de back.”
    “Oh,” I said.
    “We are doing this now,” he went on. “De ringlets in de front and de shaggy in de back. That is what we are doing. Now.”
    Had vision of everyone in high society marching up Madison Avenue with their ringlets in the front and their shaggy in the back. Did not want to be left out of trend. “If I do this,” I asked, “how long will it take to grow back to where it is now?”
    “Two years,” said Lupe.
    Decided to go for modified version: ringlets in the front but no shaggy in the back. Hair washed, snipped, set, dried in three hours. Am whisked into taxi by Beauty Editor and Photographer and taken, hair in rollers, to photographer’s studio. Mark Traynor waiting: fortyish, carrot-haired, red-coated, satchel in hand. “Well,” I said when we met, “am I high fashion? Am I pretty-pretty? Do I have a Florentine nose?”
    “You’re certainly not pretty-pretty,” said Traynor, lookingcritically and frowning. “Is this your regular make-up?” he asked. It was. Satchel unpacked. Out fell nine brushes, ten lipsticks, two sets false eyelashes, twenty-four bottles, twelve cakes eye shadow, powder, mascara, blush-on, eye liner. “I didn’t bring my entire kit,” he said, “but twenty-five different items should be enough for you.”
    “I feel I must tell you,” I told him, “my left eyelid droops.”
    He looked. “Right,” he said.
    Beauty Editor explained to Traynor that layout would be in black and white. Traynor began. Told me my face too narrow, eyebrows too arched, chin too long. Told me he would widen face, de-arch eyebrows, shorten chin. “Of course, you could always have plastic surgery on your